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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 53690--------------------------------------------------
Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: June 26, 2020, 11:54 pm
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This is a bit random, but I was thinking about it the other day.
Many countries currently have restrictions in place due to
COVID-19. Until recently, one of these in Australia was that
only 5 people could attend a wedding. Several states still have
a maximum limit of 20 people at weddings. Given this state of
affairs, many people have had to postpone or cancel their
weddings, or drastically reduce the guest list.
Now, I know the prevailing wisdom on this board is that you only
get one wedding, and it's rude to have multiple weddings. But
I'm curious to think whether that still applies in 2020, given
COVID-19? Eg, would it be rude for example, if the HC had a very
small wedding in 2020 due to the restrictions, and had a much
larger "proper" wedding in 2021 once the restrictions were
lifted?
I suspect the politer approach, would be to either (a) postpone
the 2020 wedding, and just have the one wedding in 2021; or (b)
make the 2021 celebration a "post-wedding party" - but without
all the formalities of a proper wedding. That is, no gifts
expected, no ceremony, no wedding limousines, the Bride and
Groom just wearing normal clothes, etc.
What do people think? Would a second, larger, wedding with all
the formal trimmings be acceptable under these circumstances?
#Post#: 53702--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: bridalviolet Date: June 27, 2020, 8:23 am
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I think a small wedding, with a larger party later on, is the
way to go. A wedding, after all, is the legal and/or religious
ceremony that joins two people in matrimony; to have a second
actual wedding later on makes a mockery of the first one. I can
understand family and friends being disappointed to miss the
ceremony, but them's the breaks. We're all making sacrifices
right now for the safety of others. And a party later on is
something to look forward to. The bride could even wear her
wedding dress again, have a cake, dancing, etc.
As for gifts, that would be up to the couple. Of course there's
nothing stopping their friends from sending a gift by mail at
the time of the wedding.
#Post#: 53704--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Rose Red Date: June 27, 2020, 8:43 am
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I think they can have a party later and say a few sweet words to
each other in front of the gathering (like toasting each other),
but not full on vows with an officiant.
They don't have to mention gifts but if the party is billed as a
celebration of a marriage, guests will probably bring one.
#Post#: 53706--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: June 27, 2020, 8:48 am
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I would have no problem with a small wedding today, with a much
larger and grander reception later on, with all the big
reception trimmings. I don't care for the idea of a later and
larger wedding ceremony. To my way of thinking, it reduces the
idea of a formal ceremony to a kind of show. Just my opinion!
#Post#: 53707--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Wanaca Date: June 27, 2020, 8:59 am
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I wouldn't care for a make believe "wedding" at a later date.
Since marriage is a legal event, it would be worse than
pretending to turn 30 in April even though the actual event
happened 9 months earlier.
But I see nothing wrong with having a party of any
size/formality at a later date. Just not a pretend ceremony.
#Post#: 53708--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Aleko Date: June 27, 2020, 9:07 am
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I totally agree that you can't go through the same marriage
ceremony twice (at least, not unless you've been through a
divorce in between!)
But in many parts of Europe (e.g. France and Italy), religious
weddings are not recognised by the state, so people who want a
religious wedding are actually obliged to have a civil ceremony
as well in order to be legally married. I don't see why a couple
shouldn't have a civil ceremony now with just a handful of the
people closest to them as witnesses, just so that they can start
their official married life, and have a religious ceremony with
their whole community of friends and relatives present whenever
that again becomes possible.
#Post#: 53710--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Hmmm Date: June 27, 2020, 10:58 am
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We have a family wedding that was planned for late August and
the couple have just sent out formally that they are canceling
the planned ceremony and reception. They are instead having a
small immediate family only event later this month at their
church and an at home hosted dinner later. I'll still send them
the same gift I would have sent if I was attending the planned
celebration. They have not decided if they will do a large
reception later.
Should they choose to have one, I would have no issue with all
of the wedding reception trappings. I wouldn't even begrudge the
bride wearing her wedding dress (well, depending on the style...
many of them look closer to evening gowns to me anyway). I
wouldn't expect to see bridesmaids in bridesmaid dresses, but I
think having the BM and MoH give speeches as planned would be
fine. Knowing this couple and the importance they put on their
faith, I would not expect them to have a redo of their vows
since the marriage ceremony will have already been performed in
the church.
For other couples, if they chose to do the BWW with ceremony and
all, I'm still ok with that, as long as they are upfront about
it. I couples who've lived together 10 years, have 2 kids and
suddenly decide to do the BWW declaring their commitment to each
other in front of family and friends a stranger. Those 2 kids
are going to tie your lives together a great deal more, whether
you want it or not.
#Post#: 53712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 27, 2020, 11:48 am
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I had not realized that etiquette said that you only get one
wedding. Personally, I don't mind if a couple has multiple
weddings; I simply don't feel that I should be expected to
attend (and also gift) for all of them. I can think of numerous
reasons why a couple may want a small, more personal ceremony
and at a later point want a bigger wedding celebration. COVID.
Leaving for military service. The couple wants a destination
ceremony. Haven't obtained the savings for the wedding that they
want. Important family member is very ill. Assuming that I am
only invited to the larger wedding, I don't have an issue.
And the details of that second wedding would not bother me
either. Want to renew your vows? Fine. Want to just have the big
party? Cool. Want to wear your formal clothes? Let's do it. Want
it to be a causal affair? Whatever. As long as they are being
proper hosts, I'm not going to be bothered either way.
#Post#: 53717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Rose Red Date: June 27, 2020, 2:25 pm
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I don't care about etiquette rules either as long as
circumstances call for it and everyone knows the honest truth.
I remember on the old board that the OP planned a BWW but
learned both their mothers got sick and probably won't make it.
They decided to have a small wedding with their moms present and
also go through with the BWW as originally planned. I was
horrified when some posted that it was wrong and you only get
one wedding. Etiquette is important but so are people's
situations.
As for Covid, I still think having a small wedding and then a
big reception later is better. Or wait to have the big wedding
later. But I also think people can do whatever they want as long
as there's honestly.
#Post#: 53718--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Buffalogal Date: June 27, 2020, 2:40 pm
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Several couples I know have postponed the large ceremony and
party until next year. They have had a small wedding ceremony
(usually the couple, their parents & an officiant) on the
original date and are planning a vow renewal ceremony and
reception next year. I don't see anything wrong with that.
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