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#Post#: 53470--------------------------------------------------
This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you think
!
By: Runningstar Date: June 22, 2020, 4:16 pm
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I have been thinking about this every once in a while, so.....
about 3 years ago my dear friend passed away. It was after a
few months of ICU, rehab, and then she just died. So while it
ended up being unexpected it was always iffy whether or not she
would live for long - and it was never expected that she would
live for very long, maybe a few years.
Right before this happened my friend left me a voicemail saying
how much she loved me and that she missed me dearly. I still
have this voicemail and listen to it every few months. It was a
devastating loss to me, and especially of course to her family.
Should I offer it up to her children (they are in their 30's)?
Her husband? How would you phrase it, or would you just not.
Do I need to apologize for not asking before now? I am still
close with her family and know them all pretty well.
#Post#: 53474--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: LeslieF Date: June 22, 2020, 5:25 pm
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The message was for you and you take comfort in it, but I don't
think at this point it would provide comfort to them.
#Post#: 53477--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: Hmmm Date: June 22, 2020, 5:46 pm
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I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad you still have this
recording to bring a bit of solace.
I don't think I would offer up the recording. While they may
enjoy hearing their mom's voice again, they may also have other
videos or recordings of her. And the message on the recording
might not bring them the same level of comfort.
But saying this, my aunt who I was very close to passed away a
few years ago. When clearing out my voicemails almost a year
after she passed, I found one from her. And it was a very
typical message she would have left for any of her nieces or
even her daughters. One of her daughters and I were having
dinner a few months later and I mentioned the recording and she
asked to hear and then record it to share with her daughters.
Mostly because it was so typical of a message any of us would
have received. Her family had other recordings of her voice on
videos, so this was only of an entertaining factor because the
message was just "so her".
#Post#: 53483--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: silversurfer Date: June 22, 2020, 7:19 pm
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I'm sorry for your loss.
I would absolutely offer it to the family. I don't think you
need to apologise for not doing it before now. If you see them
regularly, and you have it on your mobile, I would just say '
dear friend left me a message before she passed, would you like
to hear it' then they can say yes or no. And if they say no but
would like a copy to hear later, you maybe able to arrange it.
#Post#: 53488--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: SamiHami Date: June 22, 2020, 9:14 pm
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[quote author=SecretSauce link=topic=1755.msg53474#msg53474
date=1592864727]
The message was for you and you take comfort in it, but I don't
think at this point it would provide comfort to them.
[/quote]
Not sure of that. My mother died five years ago. Dad has
commented a couple of times since then that he wished he could
hear her voice again. I think I would ask if that is something
that would be welcome.
#Post#: 53500--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: Gellchom Date: June 23, 2020, 7:36 am
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You say you are close with her family and know them pretty well,
so it will be easier if you do occasionally talk to them anyway.
Maybe when you are calling or texting to say happy birthday or
something like that, You could mention that your friend once
left you a message that made you so happy that you saved it.
See how they respond; perhaps they will take the initiative and
ask you for it. If they don’t ask, you can ask them if they
would like to have it, but do it lightly, not in a big heavy
way.
Definitely you don’t have to apologize for not offering it
earlier. Think about photos; after a death, everyone you know
doesn’t rush up to you with all the photos they have of the
deceased. A recording is different, but it’s not 100% different.
I would be surprised if the voice of someone who died only three
years ago isn’t on severalrecordings, including videos, anyway.
I think if it were my loved one, I would be most interested in
hearing the content of the lovely message.
#Post#: 53507--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: TootsNYC Date: June 23, 2020, 9:20 am
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If I heard my mother's recording of a message to someone else,
expressing love and appreciation to them (and not to me), I
would feel so very comforted.
It has always comforted me to know that my mother was capable of
love and appreciation for other people in addition to me; it
told me what a wonderful person she was. And I could always see
how genuine that emotion was, and so it made me believe in it
when it was directed at me.
It was also comforting to see that other people loved her too.
So if I were her kid, I'd love to hear it, and if you said, "I
just realized that maybe you'd like to hear it, I don't know why
I didn't think of it earlier," I wouldn't hold it against you.
Then you could let me decide if I wanted to ask for a copy.
#Post#: 53519--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: Jem Date: June 23, 2020, 11:18 am
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I think some people would be comforted by your sharing of the
message, and some people would not be comforted and would be
irritated or offended. I think you need to consider what you
know of the people involved and make your own determination!
#Post#: 53520--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: jpcher Date: June 23, 2020, 11:30 am
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I'm 6 of one half dozen of the other.
My dear husband passed away 10+ years ago. My landline recorded
message (for the answering machine) still has his voice "Hi. You
have reached (phone number). We're not available to take your
call at this time but please leave a message and we'll get back
to you as soon as possible. Have a great day!"
I've had people tell me that hearing his voice freaks them out.
It sounds like he's still alive!
I've had people tell me that it's time to let it go. There's no
reason to bring up the past any longer.
My mother told me one time when my landline was on the blink
that she was so sad that she didn't hear LDH's voice.
I was thinking about giving up the landline a couple of years
ago and my DDs said "NO! We won't be able to hear daddy's
voice!"
Runningstar -- In my opinion it's a bit of a tough call. I don't
think that you should open up with the topic "I have a voice
mail from your mother/wife, would you like to hear it?"
I think that maybe you could bring your friend's memories up at
a friend/family gathering and gauge the feel. Then, if it's
fonder memories rather than full blown out sadness, bring up the
voicemail.
Who knows? Maybe others might have their own voicemail that
they'd like to share.
#Post#: 53554--------------------------------------------------
Re: This is a bit of a weird question - but wondering what you t
hink!
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 24, 2020, 8:46 am
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My concern is that your kind gesture would have the opposite
effect. "It seems unfair that mom did not leave me a voicemail
message." However, if some day the conversation naturally flows
into it, I think that you could mention it. "I am so glad that
your mom's pictures bring you comfort. I have an old voicemail
message that she left me that does the same." If they express
interest, then you could obviously share it with them. It's
really a tough call.
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