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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 52882--------------------------------------------------
You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: ZekailleTasker Date: June 10, 2020, 1:55 am
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I fully admit that Rho's thread about did you get the gift?
reminded me of this issue. Do all young people have such a
casual attitude toward coming into a little cash?
My six younger cousins (ages 23 - 30)--you gotta love em, they
are adorable, all of them, but don't expect too much of the
social niceties.
Sending money for a birthday/special event gift? Don't even
think about balancing your checkbook--these kids find it too
much of a hassle to go to the bank to cash the checks. (To be
fair, one of them belongs to a set of parents who did the very
same thing thirty plus years ago--never cashed the checks.)
They aren't evil or even mean spirited: we keep up with each
other on Facebook. In person they are absolutely charming and
fun to be with, they were genuinely sweet and caring when my dad
passed...but it seems they would rather live on the edge than
have a little extra cash.
Which brings us to the money of the title.
When Dad passed away last year, he left several items behind
that had to be sorted. My brother was buried under a lot of the
paper work, so I volunteered to take on the job of chasing down
his bank accounts and settling the annuities Dad set up for the
cousins. The financial corporation that holds the annuities gave
me all the forms and instructions. They require birth
certificates for all the cousins, marriage certificates for the
ones who changed their names when they married, and proof of
legal name change for the one who is gender neutral. They have
to fill out a couple of forms that give their personal
information for the switch...and the other form indicates
whether they want to let the money accrue in the account or
close the account and take the cash. Easy peasy.
I admit it took me about four months to get on the stick about
this issue. While I was grieving Dad one of my closest friends
suddenly died and for a few months I was pretty numb. I started
working on this to distract me. I sent everything out last
August. It is now June.
I have heard from one child (the youngest one) who asked
questions already answered in the instructions. Apparently we
are having trouble remembering social security numbers, finding
marriage licenses and birth certificate and oh, yeah, we never
legally changed our name, but we want it transferred to that
name anyway.
Getting hold of them is virtually impossible. Email? Snail
mail? Texting? PHONE??? So old fashioned. Sorry, kids, I am
not adding Snap Chat or Instagram to my repertoire. I have
reached out to their parents and the parents have gotten on
their cases. Nothing. I realize a few thousand dollars isn't a
big fortune, but, let's see here--one of you barely makes a
living as a sidewalk performer, two of you have kids, number
four has a personality disorder that prevents her from working
full time. five has a mortgage and school costs to pay off and
who knows what six is up to. Perhaps I am just a bitter boomer,
but I remember being that age and I appreciated any cash that
came my way.
Dad's financial planner told my brother that since the kids
didn't know about the accounts, he could just take the cousins'
names off and pool all six accounts for my brother and I to
split. We were horrified he would suggest it and said
absolutely not. Now we sort of wish we were less ethical.
So--do I keep pestering them? Their parents? Just give up and
wait while they decide that maybe they can use some extra cash?
I wish I had ignored the financial institution's instructions
and sent the information to the kids along with the address and
said "Here, you send it in. Have fun."
I am just flabbergasted by this cavalier attitude toward found
money!
#Post#: 52893--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 10, 2020, 7:53 am
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I think that there comes a point where you have done everything
that you can do. You have to decide at what point that you will
wash your hands of this. How far are you willing to go? At what
point will your follow-ups and reminders harm your
relationships? What other options are available for the money?
In your case, I might contact them one final time. Provide/offer
whatever assistance that I am willing to do. Explain the
consequences of not signing the paperwork. And then... walk
away. Yes, even if that means that the money would be lost. It
makes me sick, but you can't force an adult to sign off on it.
If their choice is to do nothing then that is their choice and
it would be rude for you to force them into something else...
yes, even if the money could do some good for them.
#Post#: 52895--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: kckgirl Date: June 10, 2020, 8:21 am
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[quote author=ZekailleTasker link=topic=1745.msg52882#msg52882
date=1591772106]
Dad's financial planner told my brother that since the kids
didn't know about the accounts, he could just take the cousins'
names off and pool all six accounts for my brother and I to
split. We were horrified he would suggest it and said
absolutely not. Now we sort of wish we were less ethical.
[/quote]
Or, you could do that, and send the cousins their share in check
or money transfer form.
#Post#: 52897--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: gramma dishes Date: June 10, 2020, 8:34 am
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=1745.msg52895#msg52895
date=1591795317]
[quote author=ZekailleTasker link=topic=1745.msg52882#msg52882
date=1591772106]
Dad's financial planner told my brother that since the kids
didn't know about the accounts, he could just take the cousins'
names off and pool all six accounts for my brother and I to
split. We were horrified he would suggest it and said
absolutely not. Now we sort of wish we were less ethical.
[/quote]
Or, you could do that, and send the cousins their share in check
or money transfer form.
[/quote]
You have to be very careful with that. In some instances there
could be tax ramifications.
#Post#: 52904--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: Luci Date: June 10, 2020, 10:56 am
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What about your taking the accounts as per financial advisor
then keep it in a separate account under your name, then take
out of it only to pay taxes?
#Post#: 52909--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: Jayhawk Date: June 10, 2020, 12:19 pm
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If you don't have to have 100% of everyone's paperwork to get
your own distribution, I'd say send a certified letter saying,
"here's what you have to do to get your $____. I've provided
instructions; if you have any questions, contact the annuity
company or the Financial Advisor - here's their info. You're an
adult now - the rest is up to you."
#Post#: 52921--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: katiekat2009 Date: June 10, 2020, 7:40 pm
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[quote author=Jayhawk link=topic=1745.msg52909#msg52909
date=1591809540]
If you don't have to have 100% of everyone's paperwork to get
your own distribution, I'd say send a certified letter saying,
"here's what you have to do to get your $____. I've provided
instructions; if you have any questions, contact the annuity
company or the Financial Advisor - here's their info. You're an
adult now - the rest is up to you."
[/quote]
And set a deadline.
#Post#: 52991--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: Chez Miriam Date: June 12, 2020, 9:04 am
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=1745.msg52895#msg52895
date=1591795317]
[quote author=ZekailleTasker link=topic=1745.msg52882#msg52882
date=1591772106]
Dad's financial planner told my brother that since the kids
didn't know about the accounts, he could just take the cousins'
names off and pool all six accounts for my brother and I to
split. We were horrified he would suggest it and said
absolutely not. Now we sort of wish we were less ethical.
[/quote]
Or, you could do that, and send the cousins their share in check
or money transfer form.
[/quote]
It may be different in the US, but in the UK not having the
annuities transferred/paid to the cousins and paying them from
different monies whilst cashing the annuities for themselves
would open ZT/Brother up to all manner of accusations of
financial impropriety [I'm guessing they are executors of their
dad's will/estate].
Here, wills have to be executed exactly as written, not "in the
spirit" of the document, so I wouldn't touch that option with a
10' pole, and that's even without any tax implications, as
executors become personally liable for (perceived)
'malfeasance'.
I think the poster who suggested one last, certified mail,
attempt and then accept the monies will be lost is spot on. I
would suggest typing in 18 point bold red font "If you do not do
this by X date, you will lose this money forever!" as it seems
as though they are treating it like a jar of dollar under the
bed - it will be there when they want it.
UK at least, there is a time limit for winding up an estate and
after that the money either goes to the Crown or the Treasury,
and as far as I'm concerned they get enough of my money anyway
without me 'giving' them some through any inaction of mine, so I
would be spitting feathers if I missed out through
laziness/inefficiency/procrastination/expecting someone else to
do it all for me/whatever.
All I can say is "Good Luck", because you clearly need it, and
{{hugs}} for going through this.
#Post#: 53380--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: SnappyLT Date: June 19, 2020, 7:40 pm
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I just today saw your post. I hope I'm not too late to reply.
I'm going to suggest that, from an etiquette standpoint you have
already done all you need to have done to be polite. You have
told the cousins the situation and have provided them with
instructions.
At this point, it is up to the cousins to each decide if he or
she wants the money badly enough to fill out the paperwork and
obtain the documents. If a cousin does that, the cousin will get
the money; if a cousin does not do that, the cousin will not get
the money.
Once you have provided the information it is out of your hands.
It is not your job to do the "work" for these young adults. I
believe each needs to have consequences for his or her behavior.
In this case, the consequence would be if you follow the
instructions you get the money. If you don't follow the
instructions you don't get the money.
I'm going to strongly suggest that you not take any of the
cousins' money yourself - even if it is only briefly in order to
distribute it to the cousins yourself - unless you first run
that idea past an attorney to be sure that you are not putting
yourself at risk.
One last thing. If you are in the United States, I think that if
your cousins do nothing, whoever is holding the money (an
insurance company?) will eventually turn the funds over to the
state government for safekeeping as unclaimed funds. If my
understanding is correct, if that happens your cousins can still
get the money from the state government at any point in the
future whenever your cousins are willing to provide whatever
documentation the state requires.
#Post#: 53384--------------------------------------------------
Re: You want the money? Fill out the forms!
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: June 19, 2020, 10:23 pm
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SnappyLT, I am extremely inclined to agree with you, and I think
that is what would happen in my state (Michigan). I also think
that the paperwork to claim it from Unclaimed Property (although
not onerous) is a step more complicated than what the OP is
asking from her relatives. Would a friendly suggestion along
those lines be a goad? As in, yes, this is a pain, but not as
many hoops as the state will make you jump through.
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