DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 52061--------------------------------------------------
Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: NFPwife Date: May 20, 2020, 2:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm wondering what everyone's COVID boundaries are and how
you've enforced them.
Yesterday, a relative told us two stories. She was very
uncomfortable in both, but didn't say anything. She was steaming
when we talked to her at night. That led to DH and I discussing
what we'd do in similar situations.
The first, relative took her elderly father (he's over 80) to
the doctor. He had a skin infection that couldn't wait. There
was no screening procedure at the office. (She didn't mention
waiting room restrictions.) She was most upset that the doctor
and nurse did not wear masks. She wanted to ask them to put on
masks, but was concerned her father would be upset that she
upset his doctor. (Relative and father wore masks.)
The second situation happened shortly after she got home. She
was outside tending to her rosebushes. She has amazing
rosebushes. Her neighbor, who'd never commented on the
rosebushes before, came over to visit. No mask. Relative wasn't
wearing a mask because she wasn't planning on being within 6
feet of anyone. She said the neighbor stood about 2 feet from
her and was talking away. She said "I don't even remember what
was said, something about the roses. I was so upset that he was
in my yard that I was looking for an excuse to go inside." She
thinks the whole interaction was about two minutes; she cut it
short to say she needed to go mix something for the roses.
I was upset for her. If someone is getting into my six feet,
especially without a mask, I'm thinking of saying, "I'm in a
high risk group. Please don't come closer."
Sadly, I'm concerned that some people will push that because
there have been posts online about intentionally getting in
people's spaces to "own" them. If the person comes closer, I'm
walking away. (FWIW, relative felt like the neighbor was being
surface friendly, but trying to provoke her because he's never
come over and his online posts are all about how he's going to
"do him.")
While I'd prefer to be polite, there's a line where this becomes
a safety issue for me and safety is going to trump etiquette.
How about all of you? Have you enforced a boundary? How do you
plan to, if needed?
#Post#: 52062--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: gramma dishes Date: May 20, 2020, 3:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Frankly, I'm quite appalled that the doctor and nurse weren't
wearing masks, especially given the age of your relative's
father. I can't imagine what they were thinking?
As for the neighbor, given what he posts on line about doing
what HE'S comfortable with, I would suspect your relative is
right. I think he was just trying to get her attention by
deliberately confronting her at close range in her own yard
without a mask. He sounds like a real jerk and if he ever
comes anywhere near her again, I think she should just
immediately wheel around and walk away. No need to be polite.
#Post#: 52064--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: May 20, 2020, 3:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1721.msg52062#msg52062
date=1590004854]
Frankly, I'm quite appalled that the doctor and nurse weren't
wearing masks, especially given the age of your relative's
father. I can't imagine what they were thinking?
As for the neighbor, given what he posts on line about doing
what HE'S comfortable with, I would suspect your relative is
right. I think he was just trying to get her attention by
deliberately confronting her at close range in her own yard
without a mask. He sounds like a real jerk and if he ever
comes anywhere near her again, I think she should just
immediately wheel around and walk away. No need to be polite.
[/quote]
The no mask on dr and nurse surprise me too. She could contact a
director at the clinic and mention her concerns to them.
As for her neighbor, she should have asked him to back up,
stating health concerns. If he starts on how it's all fake, blah
blah blah. That's fine for you, but I prefer not to take any
chances, so you may go back to your yard now, thank you.
#Post#: 52066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: sandisadie Date: May 20, 2020, 3:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I've only been out away from my house and yard a few times
shopping. So I haven't thought what I'd do if someone violated
the 6 foot rule. I'd probably just move away and not worry
about being rude. When it comes to my health I'm not going to
worry about being rude. I don't think I will speak to the
person because I've heard about people harming others who are
only trying to stay safe, or, are just trying to carry out the
rules dictated by their employers.
#Post#: 52068--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: lakey Date: May 20, 2020, 4:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I see the same problem with this issue that I see with many
issues brought up on this site. People don't want to speak up.
If someone approaches you, all you have to do is say, "I'm
keeping my distance." You don't owe them any reason. Personally,
I think that giving a reason opens you up to argument or
discussion. If you speak up, and they are rude enough to ignore
what you said, then walk away. In my experience, almost always,
when you tell someone how you feel about a problem, they respect
it. If they don't, you're better off with less contact with them
anyway.
I'm on the fence about masks. There are many who think that they
don't accomplish much. I don't really know. I think they do
protect others from whatever you breathe out. I wear one in the
store because, no matter its effectiveness, it might make others
safer. If you are uncomfortable with the way your doctor is
handling his office, speak up. If you don't think he is using
safe practices, get a different doctor, if possible. In my area,
there are plenty of doctors who accept my insurance. I guess in
some areas, it isn't that easy. My doctor's medical practice and
my dentist have already communicated what they are doing
regarding Covid.
#Post#: 52069--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: TootsNYC Date: May 20, 2020, 4:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=wonderfullyanonymous
link=topic=1721.msg52064#msg52064 date=1590006354]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1721.msg52062#msg52062
date=1590004854]
Frankly, I'm quite appalled that the doctor and nurse weren't
wearing masks, especially given the age of your relative's
father. I can't imagine what they were thinking?
As for the neighbor, given what he posts on line about doing
what HE'S comfortable with, I would suspect your relative is
right. I think he was just trying to get her attention by
deliberately confronting her at close range in her own yard
without a mask. He sounds like a real jerk and if he ever
comes anywhere near her again, I think she should just
immediately wheel around and walk away. No need to be polite.
[/quote]
The no mask on dr and nurse surprise me too. She could contact a
director at the clinic and mention her concerns to them.
As for her neighbor, she should have asked him to back up,
stating health concerns. If he starts on how it's all fake, blah
blah blah. That's fine for you, but I prefer not to take any
chances, so you may go back to your yard now, thank you.
[/quote]
"My yard, my choice--you do respect the rights of property
owners, right?"
#Post#: 52076--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: mime Date: May 20, 2020, 6:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
So the neighbor is doing what he finds comfortable. Fine. There
is a lot of fear out there right now, and he would have done
better to keep some distance, for sure.
I think it is problematic, though, that your relative didn't
decide to do what she needed to feel safe. She could have used
either words or actions to communicate her boundaries. Instead,
she participated in conversation with growing fear for her
safety and anger over his behavior and his character, while
giving him no indication that she had a problem with him.
So she just decided that he must be too awful a person to
respect a boundary once she stated it, yet she still felt the
need to be polite to him after that judgment. It is sad that she
is unable to advocate for herself.
#Post#: 52078--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: Jem Date: May 20, 2020, 6:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1721.msg52061#msg52061
date=1590004449] (FWIW, relative felt like the neighbor was
being surface friendly, but trying to provoke her because he's
never come over and his online posts are all about how he's
going to "do him.")
[/quote]
What does this mean? I agree with the poster above who noted
that the relative essentially attributes malice where it was not
at all clear that it was intended. Had the relative asked the
neighbor to back away and he refused? Different story. But
that’s not what happened.
I find myself interacting with my neighbors far more than usual
- even ones I have never seen before this situation - simply
because people are home more and outside more. I personally keep
distant, and from what I have seen most everyone in my area is
also, but I don’t find it odd to be friendly toward a neighbor I
didn’t previously interact with.
#Post#: 52090--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: Rho Date: May 20, 2020, 9:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This is a useful post to get us to pre plan what to do in a
situation.
Two days ago I walked into a store to buy one specific item. As
I was talking to an employee about said item another customer
barreled past me from behind and kept walking. She didn't
bother to call a warning to me or say 'excuse me'. Employee had
a horrified look on her face. I was too shocked to say
anything. Probably for the best. But someone on my property?
I would have probably inched away.
#Post#: 52093--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enforcing Your COVID boundaries
By: NFPwife Date: May 20, 2020, 10:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
To answer a couple questions, culturally, this relative hasn't
been raised to speak up or appropriately assert herself. Hence
the worry that her father would be upset if she upset the
doctor.
I can appreciate wondering why she'd ascribe motive to the
neighbor. I'm not sure what others' areas are like, but ours is
becoming pretty divisive around this issue and somehow it's
become politicized. Based on how her neighbor is presenting and
talking, I can understand how she'd come to that conclusion.
He's actively stating he's not going to socially distance and is
posting in a way that could reasonably lead one to the
conclusion that he's intentionally instigating her.
I liked the perspective that people are speaking more to their
neighbors and that's a nice, generous position. Personally, if
someone hasn't spoken to me, ever, and then they get into my
personal space (which is now a six foot radius), it's going to
feel aggressive. Not neighborly. That's why I'm planning what
I'm going to say now. Before it happens.
To the explanation giving. Personally, I'd like to not give one
and use "I'm keeping my distance." (Thanks lakey.) Giving an
explanation is deference to my husband's strong preference to
give an explanation. While we walked tonight, we were discussing
what happened to cousin and, going back to church and I used the
"I'm keeping distance" without the explanation to see if he'd
still mention that there needs to be an explanation. He did. :)
I explored the explanation giving with him and, I'm
paraphrasing, he said "You have to give one because they expect
it." (I felt like saying, "I expect them to stay out of my
space," (cue the Stones) "You can't always get what you want." I
didn't say (or sing!) that.)
I said, "Why meet that expectation?" He expounded a little and I
got down to seeing it as a bit of a litmus test. (For this
situation anyway.) So if you say, "I'm keeping my distance, my
family is high risk," and they don't step back or get closer
than they weren't just someone who was clueless and not
maintaining distance, they're someone who doesn't care about
your feelings or your health. Now, you can escalate the
situation to something firmer.
My plan is to start with the limit and put the expectation after
it, because, IMO, time is of the essence and I want the person
to stop first and hear the explanation second. When we're
walking, we've been able to cross the street and even do a quick
jog to avoid people. I'm concerned that we'll be approached
where we don't have a quick out and I want to be ready with some
quick responses on which hubby and I have consensus. Because I'd
like to cue the Meatloaf and sing, "Stop right there!" and leave
it at that.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page