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#Post#: 51786--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Star Wars Fan Date: May 16, 2020, 7:32 pm
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It seems like you already made up your mind to not ask her how
her mother died (which is what I'd do) so I'm not sure what the
point of your post is. It's entirely possible the woman died of
something that's got nothing to do at all with coronavirus.
Ed.
#Post#: 51787--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Star Wars Fan Date: May 16, 2020, 7:42 pm
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[quote author=Rho link=topic=1706.msg51521#msg51521
date=1589251499]
'sudden' to me means someone took their own life
Your were a gracious lady contacting the daughter to express
condolences.
that's all you can do besides silently wonder what happened.
[/
Wow that's not necessarily true at all. Our pastor's wife has a
cousin and her husband suddenly died about 3 weeks ago now, it
was very shocking because he was only in his mid 30s and from
what I understand seemed perfectly healthy. He was walking in
the parking lot of a Lowe's improvement store and he just
suddenly collapsed. An ambulance was called but they weren't
able to revive him so to put it bluntly he literally dropped
dead. He leaves behind a wife and 3 young children and it was
very unexpected and I don't know if they know what happened to
the man yet and I have no intention of asking them either unless
my pastor or his wife bring it up. My point being never assume
anything! >:(
Ed.
#Post#: 51793--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: VorFemme Date: May 16, 2020, 10:36 pm
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A friend of a relative died earlier this month - dropped dead at
work when an aneurysm burst. Sudden & unexpected - but even if
he'd been to see a doctor a few days earlier, there might have
been no obvious symptoms.
#Post#: 51799--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: jpcher Date: May 17, 2020, 1:57 am
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1706.msg51786#msg51786
date=1589675528]
It seems like you already made up your mind to not ask her how
her mother died (which is what I'd do) so I'm not sure what the
point of your post is. It's entirely possible the woman died of
something that's got nothing to do at all with coronavirus.
Ed.
[/quote]
Discussion. Exchanging viewpoints, thoughts or ideas. That's the
beautiful thing about this board.
#Post#: 51818--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: TootsNYC Date: May 17, 2020, 9:50 am
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1706.msg51786#msg51786
date=1589675528]
It seems like you already made up your mind to not ask her how
her mother died (which is what I'd do) so I'm not sure what the
point of your post is. It's entirely possible the woman died of
something that's got nothing to do at all with coronavirus.
Ed.
[/quote]
To discuss this concept?
I vehemently reject this kind of "policing" of people's
posts--it's VERY unwelcoming, and any newbies might be
discouraged.
Also--this is a site to discuss etiquette, not JUST to ask
questions and get answers.
And as you can see, many of us (including you) have been
discussing right along here.
#Post#: 51821--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Aleko Date: May 17, 2020, 10:43 am
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[quote]I think it is rather that obituaries have a
template...the cause of death may not be part of the
template.[/quote]
Each newspaper has its own. The UK has two serious, traditional
right-of-centre national newspapers, the Times and the Daily
Telegraph. Of the two, the Times is older and more famous, and
the Telegraph makes up for this by being staider and
further-right. Traditionally the Times normally gives the cause
of death (presumably as given out by the family) in obituaries,
but the Torygraph doesn't. An incoming Editor in the 1980s
changed this policy, much against the wishes of the
traditionalist obituaries editor. The Deputy Editor at the time
recalls that by coincidence the next obituary to be written was
that of a New Orleans jazz musician who had died after the
explosion of an implant in his penis. Calculating that the
Torygraph's decorous readers would be appalled to read this
information in their genteel newspaper, the obits editor
gleefully put it in. Sure enough, complaints flooded in and the
editor hastily reversed the policy.
#Post#: 51934--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Kimberami Date: May 19, 2020, 8:06 am
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When my father died, the funeral director helped us write the
obituary. When we explained the circumstances, the words "Died
peacefully in the hospital after a long illness" were used. Dad
had refused to see many people after he got sick. He didn't want
people to see him the way he looked. If people read that he'd
been sick for a long time, then maybe they could better
understand why he'd become so reclusive over the last years of
his life. Knowing he was at last peaceful might have soothed
people who had seen what he was going through.
I don't think suddenly has to solely mean suicide, but it would
be a tactful way of explaining it. I can see someone like a
funeral director suggesting it. The word suicide has a lot of
baggage attached to it. Some religions believe that suicide
victims are not allowed to go to heaven. Insurance companies
might not be willing to pay benefits on a suicide victim.
Sometimes, the exact cause of death hasn't been determined by
the time the obituary is printed. The family may not be certain
that the case is suicide.
#Post#: 52039--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Twik Date: May 20, 2020, 10:21 am
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There are a lot of causes of death that can be "sudden" without
being suicide. So for something like a massive heart attack,
would the obituary just not mention anything about "sudden" or
not?
#Post#: 52232--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Star Wars Fan Date: May 23, 2020, 12:55 am
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=1706.msg52039#msg52039
date=1589988092]
There are a lot of causes of death that can be "sudden" without
being suicide. So for something like a massive heart attack,
would the obituary just not mention anything about "sudden" or
not?
[/quote]
I think it totally depends on what the family wants in the
obituary, if they don't want that mentioned then I'm sure it
wouldn't be.
Ed.
#Post#: 52241--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Wanaca Date: May 23, 2020, 6:12 am
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I knew of several people who suddenly or unexpectedly passed
away when I was growing up (accidents, aneurysms, heart issues,
etc) so I was never taught those words were code words for
suicide. So when my mom passed unexpectedly I used those words
when I just didn't want to explain how she passed again.
Repeating the story over and over got tiring.
I wouldn't ask how someone died but I'm sure that when I was
young I probably asked out of ignorance. Now I will look at the
obituary to see if donations are requested to an organization
that targets a particular disease. Eventually the information
usually comes out anyway.
While giving the cause of death in an obituary would satisfy
some people's curiosity, I see an obituary as something that
talks about a person's life rather than their death. I didn't
include the cause of death in either of my parents' obits.
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