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#Post#: 51653--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Aleko Date: May 14, 2020, 2:21 am
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'A long illness' used to be a standard euphemism for cancer in
obituaries. Then when AIDS came along the phrase was adopted for
that; and people writing obituaries for people who died of
cancer were at a bit of a loss for a euphemism to use that
wouldn't give people quite the wrong idea.
#Post#: 51657--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: bopper Date: May 14, 2020, 12:31 pm
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Everyone is curious how someone died. I say to put it in my
obituary for sure!
HTML https://www.reddit.com/r/askfuneraldirectors/comments/3aiowu/is_died_suddenly_at_home_or_passed_away/
#Post#: 51660--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Elisabunny Date: May 14, 2020, 1:25 pm
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Easter Sunday, a neighbor was walking in her back yard with her
daughter, when she collapsed and died. It was definitely sudden
and unexpected, which is what was said in her obituary.
#Post#: 51665--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Hmmm Date: May 14, 2020, 2:58 pm
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[quote author=bopper link=topic=1706.msg51657#msg51657
date=1589477477]
Everyone is curious how someone died. I say to put it in my
obituary for sure!
HTML https://www.reddit.com/r/askfuneraldirectors/comments/3aiowu/is_died_suddenly_at_home_or_passed_away/
[/quote]
I agree. I was curious about someone commenting about including
cause of death in an obit which I am not familiar with. Just ran
through the obits from my hometown. Of the 30 or so I scanned,
not a one mentioned cause of death. You could glean some idea
with phrases like "died peacefully at home surrounded by family"
or "passed away at Methodist Hospital".
I've never seen "suddenly" or "unexpectedly" in an actual obit.
Just used in newspaper articles.
Maybe it's a regional thing to include cause of death or these
"code" words in an obit.
#Post#: 51672--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: TootsNYC Date: May 14, 2020, 3:23 pm
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I can imagine a newspaper having a policy that they do not ever
include cause of death.
#Post#: 51683--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: bopper Date: May 14, 2020, 4:16 pm
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I think it is rather that obituaries have a template...the cause
of death may not be part of the template.
#Post#: 51684--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: TootsNYC Date: May 14, 2020, 4:17 pm
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If the newspaper wanted the cause of death to be there, it would
be in the template.
#Post#: 51689--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: jpcher Date: May 14, 2020, 4:58 pm
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I received an email this morning from an admin, forwarding a
message from a director concerning a Person that I knew (not so
well*) at work.
It basically said "It saddens me to inform you that Person
passed away this morning." The message went on to say what a
wonderful person she was, how she was so valuable to the
department/company, her cheerfulness and willing to help, etc.
I believe it was a very well worded message. Didn't say anything
about sudden or unexpected. The message came across as that she
will be missed. Well done.
At the same time I wanted to say "WHAAAAT! Why? What happened?"
I think that wondering why is a natural thought. Knowing the
reason behind a death might bring some sort of closure.
At the same time I agree with others that it would be rude to
ask for details.
*I've seen Person through the hallways almost every day for
years. She always had a smile on her face and a warm-felt "Good
morning!" and other small chit-chat would go on between us.
Going back to the office (when all this Covid stuff is done)
will hit me hard when I don't see her smiling face in the
morning.
But I won't ask "what happened".
#Post#: 51705--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Luci Date: May 14, 2020, 7:24 pm
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I often see "foul play was not involved." Years ago a coworker
was found dead in the trunk of her car. They just said
"suspicious circumstances ." I’ve know a few people who
collapsed and died at home. I was close to the 18 yo's family
and so learned that autopsy was inconclusive. No drugs involved,
ever. How does one say that in an obituary? My 65 year old
cousin dropped dead. Was it his diabetes, heart problems caused
by his illness? "Natural causes" was printed. The 40yo dropped
dead from complications caused by obesity. That had to be
"natural causes", too. Some causes are nobody’s business except
the family, or "need to know" for their progeny.
#Post#: 51723--------------------------------------------------
Re: some things you just don't ask ("How did she die?"
)
By: Twik Date: May 15, 2020, 9:16 am
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It's one of those things when the cause of death isn't anyone's
business, but everyone will be curious anyway. Human nature. But
no, you can't ask (although I'd be understanding in an
unexpected death if someone in person gasped "Oh no! What
happened?" but didn't press the issue.)
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