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#Post#: 51510--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: SnappyLT Date: May 11, 2020, 1:25 pm
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I'm agreeing with previous posters who've suggested going along
with non-dangerous incorrect comments.
A social worker taught me about what she called "therapeutic
fibbing". Her first job after grad school had been at a rural
nursing home. They had one patient who was the widow of a dairy
farmer. Mrs. Smith could not remember that her husband had
passed away years before. Each day, Mrs. Smith would ask where
her husband was. Each day, the new social worker would do as she
had been taught to do and tell Mrs. Smith that her husband was
dead. Each day, Mrs. Smith would grieve anew.
Then an experienced nurse told the social worker about
therapeutic fibbing, and the social worker started telling Mrs.
Smith. "Oh, your husband is out rounding up the cows for
milking". Mrs. Smith would smile and go about her daily
activities, not worrying so much about her husband for a while.
It seems dreadful to use the word "fortunately" when writing
about my own mother's passing. Nonetheless, fortunately,
complications from another health problem shortened my mother's
life before she reached the later stages of Alzheimer's. My
mother never got to the point where she forgot that my father
was no longer living. We were prepared to use therapeutic
fibbing with her if she did.
#Post#: 51669--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: syfygeek Date: May 14, 2020, 3:09 pm
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[quote author=Rho link=topic=1700.msg51302#msg51302
date=1588650427]
Thanks for the responses. They all gave me something to think
about.
I guess I need to have more patience. That is something I have
never had in abundance.
Over the last week Mom
had a recurrence of an UTI where she is so confused she can't
even form words.
Asked if I had heard from her husband today (Daddy had a fatal
heart attack in 1997)
Called to wish my husband a Happy Birthday) she couldn't
remember his name but it IS his Birthday!)
Kicked an aide due to frustration and then worried like a
Kindergartner if she's be reported to social worker
Never a dull moment with her
[/quote]
My mom had UTI's almost non stop and she would go from a happy
but confused 80-something to a cranky, evil harpy who could
suddenly say the most horrible things to us. She had dysphasia,
so we were used to trying to figure out what word she was trying
for, but when the UTI's got bad, she was clear as a bell telling
us how horrible we were. Once we figured it out, with the help
of a great urologist, it was easier to head it off.
#Post#: 57705--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 21, 2020, 1:27 pm
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My mother's aunt (my great aunt) went through dementia for years
and we usually just went with the flow. GA was sometimes very
funny. One time my parents were driving her and another great
aunt (her sibling) to visit another sibling. They were driving
from Pennsylvania to upstate New York. Dad is driving, GA in
the front passenger seat, Mom and GA2 in the back seat. GA
turned to Dad and said "What do you say you and me ditch those
two birds and we go have some fun". Dad, very patiently, said
"No, they have the gas money". GA went back to talking about
something else.
When she passed, the priest at the funeral said something that
stuck with me. He said "People say it is so sad that Edna had
dementia. However, she was in a place where she was happy. She
didn't know about the 9/11 attacks, she didn't know if friends
or family were having money troubles, she didn't know about
other world events. She was happy and that's enough.".
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