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#Post#: 51144--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Jayhawk Date: April 30, 2020, 12:45 pm
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There's a lady named Teepa Snow on YouTube who has some
wonderful advice about working with and dealing with folks who
have dementia. Her tips are helpful - especially if someone is
upset or combative.
#Post#: 51187--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Tea Drinker Date: May 1, 2020, 6:20 pm
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Also, it's okay to find it frustrating.
When my grandmother had little short-term memory and was living
with my aunt, she found being asked "what are we having for
lunch?" every fifteen minutes for an hour or more, every single
day, annoying and frustrating. I had trouble not saying "it's
chicken soup Grandma, we already told you" and that was as an
occasional visitor.
The "yes and" technique, and deciding not to argue if your
parent calls you by the wrong name, or thinks you're their
father rather than their son, takes energy and attention. We all
have lots of years of experience and training at saying "no, my
name is Coraline," and remembering to not do that, over and
over, and to not tell the truth when asked "where's so-and-so"
when the answer is "she just left" or "he died ten years ago,"
means overriding what you'd do automatically.
#Post#: 51188--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: STiG Date: May 1, 2020, 6:26 pm
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I've only read snippets of it but I really like Jann Arden's
book that talks about her relationship with her parents when
they were going through dementia. She talks about just going
with the flow when her Mom was having delusions. I try to do
the same with my Dad. If he asks the same question over and
over, I try to answer it in the same tone of voice from the 1st
to the 10th time. I do have a really hard time with his
delusions, though. I tend to try to redirect him and get him
off it, if I can't just carry on with it. But gently.
#Post#: 51193--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Gellchom Date: May 1, 2020, 7:49 pm
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My dad had Alzheimer's.
My mother said the wisest thing (well, she said a lot of wise
things about this, and other subjects, but this one is pertinent
to your question).
She said it was like talking to someone who is dreaming. When I
started keeping that in mind, it made it really easy to talk to
my dad, and in the years after, to talk to anyone with advanced
dementia.
I hope that helps you.
#Post#: 51249--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: HenrysMom Date: May 4, 2020, 12:01 am
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[quote author=STiG link=topic=1700.msg51188#msg51188
date=1588375605]
I've only read snippets of it but I really like Jann Arden's
book that talks about her relationship with her parents when
they were going through dementia. She talks about just going
with the flow when her Mom was having delusions. I try to do
the same with my Dad. If he asks the same question over and
over, I try to answer it in the same tone of voice from the 1st
to the 10th time. I do have a really hard time with his
delusions, though. I tend to try to redirect him and get him
off it, if I can't just carry on with it. But gently.
[/quote]
Totally understand this one. My dad had Parkinson’s-related
dementia and, to him, his dreams were reality. I had to
convince him repeatedly that Mom wasn’t having weddings in the
back yard, nor was she canoodling with her employer’s handyman,
nor was she trying to deprive him of his toilet paper stash.
I’d get him settled down, then he’d take a nap or go to bed at
night, then when he woke up, it’d be the same thing. I wasn’t
as patient as I should’ve been, poor guy.
#Post#: 51256--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Oz Diva Date: May 4, 2020, 4:25 am
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It is really difficult and frustrating Henry’sMom.
#Post#: 51259--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Dazi Date: May 4, 2020, 7:32 am
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You learn to base your responses based on the stage of the
person's dementia and how they react. In some instances, your
can reorient the person, but you don't want to do that if it's
something that would upset them. Other times, it's best to
redirect their attention to something else. And yes, sometimes
you just have to play along because nothing you say will
convince them otherwise.
Examples:
When will/where is my spouse?
You know the spouse is deceased.
Oh, they went to the store and will be back later. You don't
tell them they are dead over and over again.
Your sister said (insert vile horrible things here) to me...
You know you don't have a sister.
Oh, that's terrible, I'll have a talk with her.
Such and such had been stealing my things/money.
You know they are confused and are actually hiding their stuff
themselves (this happens a lot!)
Oh, that's terrible, I'll get it back from them there next time
I go over there.
No amount of arguing with them will convince them that their
stuff didn't get stolen.
Good in person distraction techniques:
Give them a pile of washcloths to fold. Rinse, larger, repeat.
Give them a baby doll to care for.
Tactile fidget blanket.
#Post#: 51283--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: MarmaladeMom Date: May 4, 2020, 2:00 pm
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Jigsaw puzzles were surprisingly helpful for a while, and at the
end special jigsaw puzzles for dementia patients (with a
special frame, like a child’s puzzle) worked as a distraction
and bonding activity between my mother in law and dh.
#Post#: 51302--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Rho Date: May 4, 2020, 10:47 pm
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Thanks for the responses. They all gave me something to think
about.
I guess I need to have more patience. That is something I have
never had in abundance.
Over the last week Mom
had a recurrence of an UTI where she is so confused she can't
even form words.
Asked if I had heard from her husband today (Daddy had a fatal
heart attack in 1997)
Called to wish my husband a Happy Birthday) she couldn't
remember his name but it IS his Birthday!)
Kicked an aide due to frustration and then worried like a
Kindergartner if she's be reported to social worker
Never a dull moment with her
#Post#: 51319--------------------------------------------------
Re: talking to someone with dementia
By: Kimberami Date: May 5, 2020, 8:05 am
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My Granny's doctor said to just play along as long as the
delusion was not harmful. I would always have to reassure her
that her parents were fine. I told her that her parents had
gone to stay with Aunt Viv. Technically it was true, they'd all
passed away at that point. We'd talk about things that they
would be doing at Aunt Viv's house, and I think it helped calm
her.
We had a dry erase board on the fridge for helping to remember
little things. She could still read, and she could follow
simple instructions. It was less stressful than constantly
reminding her that she needed to do X, Y, and Z.
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