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#Post#: 52911--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence letter: Cash gifts to adult offspring
By: Chez Miriam Date: June 10, 2020, 12:26 pm
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[quote author=bopper link=topic=1685.msg52056#msg52056
date=1589999686]
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=1685.msg51941#msg51941
date=1589896953]
[For instance, my husband is not a white polka do on red silk
scarf person, and I'm not a delicate/frilly jewellery person,
nor do I like "pretty", frilly, patterned blouses - give me a
plain linen shirt any day, and for everyday wear we're strictly
Sheldon Cooper (short-sleeved t-shirt over long-sleeved t-shirt)
unless it's baking hot!]
[/quote]
My DH's grandma would buy me sweaters for Christmas that were
must more bright and girly than I would wear. I finally got her
to "buy something like you would for DH for me" and that worked
(back in the days of The Gap)
[/quote]
That's brilliant thinking!
#Post#: 52916--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence letter: Cash gifts to adult offspring
By: Codewoman1125 Date: June 10, 2020, 3:26 pm
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I believe the gift is the choice of the giver and what to do
with the gift is the choice of the recipient.
I also believe a lack of thanks/acknowledgement might influence
the giver to give less or not at all. I am in a situation with
one of my progeny where they provide only the barest
acknowledgement of an event (i.e. a "Happy Mother's Day Momma!"
text the day after Mother's day. My giving has come to an end.
#Post#: 52985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence letter: Cash gifts to adult offspring
By: Chez Miriam Date: June 12, 2020, 6:47 am
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[quote author=Codewoman1125 link=topic=1685.msg52916#msg52916
date=1591820763]
I believe the gift is the choice of the giver and what to do
with the gift is the choice of the recipient.
I also believe a lack of thanks/acknowledgement might influence
the giver to give less or not at all. I am in a situation with
one of my progeny where they provide only the barest
acknowledgement of an event (i.e. a "Happy Mother's Day Momma!"
text the day after Mother's day. My giving has come to an end.
[/quote]
This is where I fall. The last gift I gave to my nephew was the
Christmas when my mum called me from his house [to let know how
long they would be, I think], and called Nephew to the phone
"come and say Thank You to Auntie Miriam!" in a bright 'let's do
this!' tone of voice.
The bellowed "do I have to?!" in response coupled with the
grudging thanks once Grandma said "yes, Auntie Miriam bought you
a thoughtful present, of course you have to say thank you" made
me realise just how unimportant my efforts were in the eyes of
my nephew, and as I was really strapped for cash at the time [a
hand-to-mouth existence for me at that point of my life], I
decided that my bills were more important, and I was no longer
going to survive on lentils for a week to save up to buy him a
gift that clearly was unappreciated.
My cousin went through the same thought process [minus the
lentils ;)] with her nephews, and now my husband has dropped his
niece and nephew from the gift-buying list for those reasons.
Back to your topic, Codewoman: I think my mum may have had a
word with my brother after her 80th birthday. She said "why
didn't you remind your brother to buy me a birthday
present??!!?". I replied: "he's your son, he lives with you, he
knows you've been preparing the garden for this party for
weeks... If he needs reminding of your birthday, that's on
you." I felt mean doing it, but am no longer prepared to be
found guilty for the 'sins' of anyone other than myself.
Sometimes adult offspring need to be allowed to sink-or-swim in
the social waters without a female relative being expected to
"remind" them of what they should be expected to think about for
themselves!
I hope your progeny notices when their important event is
glossed-over...
#Post#: 53004--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence letter: Cash gifts to adult offspring
By: TootsNYC Date: June 12, 2020, 10:39 am
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I remember reading somewhere that a mom had realized that her
own kids were SO pleased to receive a thank-you note from their
grandmother for the gifts she had given, that they suddenly
realized the importance of saying thank you. And that they were
sitting down to write a note to her to say thank you.
#Post#: 53157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence letter: Cash gifts to adult offspring
By: Chez Miriam Date: June 16, 2020, 5:01 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1685.msg53004#msg53004
date=1591976377]
I remember reading somewhere that a mom had realized that her
own kids were SO pleased to receive a thank-you note from their
grandmother for the gifts she had given, that they suddenly
realized the importance of saying thank you. And that they were
sitting down to write a note to her to say thank you.
[/quote]
That's a lovely anecdote; thanks for sharing it, Toots.
[emoji179]
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