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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 49964--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Gellchom Date: April 9, 2020, 10:20 am
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When is this wedding, anyway? If it’s in the next month or two,
at the very least, all of this is moot.
They could solve this by decorating a front porch to look like
Vegas and have carefully spaced officiant and witnesses out
there with them and everyone else Zoom in. They can triple the
guest list!
#Post#: 49965--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Rose Red Date: April 9, 2020, 10:26 am
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Meal is $30? This is exactly why I posted my question above. Are
all the meals the same, but the guests pay for their meal
without even getting a choice of the full menu? Or are you
talking about average cost?
I think they should just serve cake and let everyone do their
own thing for lunch. It sounds like they want everyone to be at
the same place for a wedding meal. Some may join, but others may
want to go elsewhere and that's their right. The wedding
invitations should say "Cake will be served following the
ceremony" and don't say anything about a meal. There is no good
way to put in a formal invitation to say the wedding lunch will
be $30 per guest.
#Post#: 49966--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: wolfie Date: April 9, 2020, 10:32 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1670.msg49961#msg49961
date=1586444401]
Well, with only 28 people on the list, these are going to be
their closest circle
I'd only travel if it were someone important to me. And if I
knew I were going to be buying my dinner, I'd scale back my gift
some. I'd probably consider the meal to be part of my gift to
them, the way I'd think of it on a birthday.
[/quote]
how did you get 28? I thought there were 60ish.
#Post#: 49968--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: TootsNYC Date: April 9, 2020, 10:39 am
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I'll have to go back and look.
#Post#: 49971--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Rose Red Date: April 9, 2020, 10:42 am
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The OP said the church seats up to 65 people and she rounded up
to 100 to make the post easier. She figures there will be less
people actually attending but I don't think she said anything
about as few as 28.
#Post#: 49972--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: TootsNYC Date: April 9, 2020, 10:44 am
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yeah I don't know where I got that--I was sure I remembered it.
Sorry--that was not good.
[quote]The chapel holds 65 and it will almost definitely be
fewer than that. (I just used "<100 as a nice round figure.")
[/quote]
So, $2,500 maybe. But I think my comments still hold.
#Post#: 49973--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: TootsNYC Date: April 9, 2020, 10:49 am
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I have a niece who married when she was really broke. They
didn't have any real reception; her mom came from out of state
to attend, and they married in the front yard.
I was hurt to not be invited--I'm her physically closest
relative, and I've also been the one who bailed her out, and who
visited her, etc.
I mentioned it to her mom, who said something about money. I
said, "Duh. I know how broke she is, remember? And to be honest,
if she invited me to be there for the ceremony, I would have
said, 'What if we take everyone out to eat at Denny's afterward?
Our treat.' "
Or if she'd turned to me to say, "Would you help me with taking
people to lunch afterward?" I would have been willing to pitch
in. I might have felt better if she'd said, "I have $X, but
that's not enough," because it owuld have felt as though she had
some skin in the game and I was helping but not providing.
So--my point is:
If I were advising this couple, I would suggest that they think
whether there is anyone close to them that they could turn to
for help in offsetting the cost of this, either as their wedding
gift (or partial wedding gift) or as a long-term no-interest
loan.
#Post#: 49993--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Jem Date: April 9, 2020, 1:17 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1670.msg49973#msg49973
date=1586447373]
So--my point is:
If I were advising this couple, I would suggest that they think
whether there is anyone close to them that they could turn to
for help in offsetting the cost of this, either as their wedding
gift (or partial wedding gift) or as a long-term no-interest
loan.
[/quote]
This would really rub me the wrong way, especially for a
destination wedding. There is absolutely no reason why this
couple cannot have a wedding they can afford and provide some
hospitality to their guests. If they want to go to Vegas
afterword for a honeymoon, great, but there is no way I would
financially support this couple in the wedding they are
currently planning.
#Post#: 49998--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: Wanaca Date: April 9, 2020, 2:14 pm
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1670.msg49920#msg49920
date=1586402908]
Maybe pointing out the logistical problems will convince them
not to do this.
In the first post, Holly said that they want "everyone" to come
to dinner with them in the restaurant. How do they envision
that happening? Walking in and saying to the hostess, "Table
for 62, please"?
For a group even half that size, the restaurant will need them
to reserve in advance, probably in a separate room, and choose
the menu, at best with a few options, too. Probably put down a
deposit. And they are not going to want 62 different orders and
some 30 separate checks for one group being served all at the
same time.
If they don't do that, and everyone just goes to the restaurant
after the ceremony, they won't even be seated at the same time,
let alone together. So what would even be the point?
Holly, maybe try talking to your friend about this. That may be
what gets her to abandon this bad plan even if she doesn't care
about being inhospitable. They may still decide to go to the
restaurant by themselves and not provide any meal for their
guests, including those who traveled, which is still pretty bad,
but not as bad as expecting them to pay for their reception.
[/quote]
This is a good point. I didn't even think about the logistics
for the restaurant. This sounds like it has the potential to be
a bit of a nightmare.
#Post#: 49999--------------------------------------------------
Re: When the Bride and Groom can't afford to pay for Everyone's
Dinner
By: JeanFromBNA Date: April 9, 2020, 2:32 pm
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I checked on wedding receptions at Circus Circus, and they can
do cake and champagne, or cake, champagne, and hors d'ouevres.
It doesn't have to be a sit-down meal because that's what
weddings are "supposed" to have:
HTML https://www.circuscircus.com/wedding-receptions.
Don't make
your guests travel to pay for a bad meal in a cheap hotel and
expect to get a wedding present. It's not worth the ill will
that will be generated by the guests and the B & G when they
realize that their guests don't want to pay to attend their
wedding reception on top of everything else. Many of those
commenters in that blog that said, "Don't like it? THEN DON'T
COME," would probably bitterly resent people who made that
choice.
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