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#Post#: 48950--------------------------------------------------
Should I give money back?
By: Isisnin Date: March 20, 2020, 1:53 pm
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So my neighbor had her house power washed. She had emailed
asking my permission to use my water as she doesn't
have a faucet on the side of her house near me. She also said
she'd drop off $20 in my mailslot (in my door). I replied okay
but I didn't think water would be that much and I'd give her the
balance back.
Well, I checked and they only used 22 CF to powerwash from my
faucet, which was $3.??. I don't care at all about her paying
me, but I didn't get the money. Maybe she put it in my tenant's
door instead? But I seriously doubted they just keep it.
We just saw each other outside. Besides other conversation, I
said "House looks good. You don't have to give me the $20, It
was only $3." She was shocked and said she had dropped it off in
my door. I said sometimes papers dropped in my slot fly around
and end up behind the furniture there. I said I'd look around
and give her the balance. She insisted I keep it all and to let
her know if I did or did not find it.
Well, I found the $20 and am so not comfortable keeping $17. Too
much. Any advice on how to handle? just drop a note and $15 in
her mailbox? Cooking something isn't an option as she is an
outstanding cook. Thoughts?
#Post#: 48952--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: sandisadie Date: March 20, 2020, 2:06 pm
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If she has a favorite kitchen item store you could give her a
gift certificate .
#Post#: 48957--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: jpcher Date: March 20, 2020, 3:32 pm
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[quote author=Isisnin link=topic=1663.msg48950#msg48950
date=1584730405]
Well, I found the $20 and am so not comfortable keeping $17. Too
much. Any advice on how to handle? just drop a note and $15 in
her mailbox? Cooking something isn't an option as she is an
outstanding cook. Thoughts?
[/quote]
Bold above is what I think I would do.
I don't understand why you would bake/cook something for her
since you're the one doing her a favor.
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=1663.msg48952#msg48952
date=1584731218]
If she has a favorite kitchen item store you could give her a
gift certificate .
[/quote]
Again I don't understand. Why give a gift certificate when you
could just hand back the cash?
I'm trying to think like the neighbor who insisted that OP kept
all the money. I would think that it was a tremendous favor for
OP to let me use her water and would be puzzled by a return
gift. If a note saying "really, you overpaid. It wasn't a
problem for me so here's $15 back" landed in my mailbox I would
accept it and call it a day.
Or, if I (neighbor me) was feisty, I'd put the $15 back in OPs
mailbox with a note saying "I insist. If I didn't use your water
there would have been Xamount extra cost for the pressure
washing." or some such thing. At which point OP should drop it.
Who knows? Maybe there would have been an extra charge and
that's what Neighbor is basing her payment to OP on.
#Post#: 48959--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Rose Red Date: March 20, 2020, 4:07 pm
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Offer the difference one more time. If she insist that you keep
it, invite her to lunch or coffee or something as a neighborly
act (if you're willing). Otherwise, just thank her and drop it.
Keeping it going for a relatively small amount of $20 will just
make you both uncomfortable. Let her feel happy to be generous.
#Post#: 48966--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: NFPwife Date: March 20, 2020, 7:34 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1663.msg48959#msg48959
date=1584738427]
Offer the difference one more time. If she insist that you keep
it, invite her to lunch or coffee or something as a neighborly
act (if you're willing). Otherwise, just thank her and drop it.
Keeping it going for a relatively small amount of $20 will just
make you both uncomfortable. Let her feel happy to be generous.
[/quote]
Exactly. Considering this a bit further, she's reciprocating
your generosity. In some cultures, not allowing her to
reciprocate is frowned upon. (I hesitate to say "rude" because
it's not rude. Some people might interpret it as you putting
yourself above them. Reciprocation allows the receiver of the
favor to be back on equal footing with the grantor.)
#Post#: 48973--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Isisnin Date: March 21, 2020, 9:31 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1663.msg48959#msg48959
date=1584738427]
Offer the difference one more time. If she insist that you keep
it, invite her to lunch or coffee or something as a neighborly
act (if you're willing). Otherwise, just thank her and drop it.
Keeping it going for a relatively small amount of $20 will just
make you both uncomfortable. Let her feel happy to be generous.
[/quote]
That's a lovely thought. I will offer one more time the next
time I see her again. We both garden so I will see her soon so
I'll be sure to have the $ or a gift card on hand. She's very
careful with her money so she might have declined the change
just out of politeness (she's also very polite. wish she had
just asked me to let her know the cost and so she could repay
me. I think she overestimated the cost of water since it only
turned out to be $3. I wouldn't have told her the amount for
repayment).
[quote author=jpcher link=topic=1663.msg48957#msg48957
date=1584736344]
[quote author=Isisnin link=topic=1663.msg48950#msg48950
date=1584730405]
Well, I found the $20 and am so not comfortable keeping $17. Too
much. Any advice on how to handle? just drop a note and $15 in
her mailbox? Cooking something isn't an option as she is an
outstanding cook. Thoughts?
[/quote]
I don't understand why you would bake/cook something for her
since you're the one doing her a favor.
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=1663.msg48952#msg48952
date=1584731218]
If she has a favorite kitchen item store you could give her a
gift certificate .
[/quote]
Again I don't understand. Why give a gift certificate when you
could just hand back the cash?
[/quote]
I've never been good at this kind of thing. There seems to be
some sort of offer-decline, offer-decline, offer-accept social
ritual that I can't get right. Years back, I called my
great-aunt during a blizzard to make sure she was ok. She asked
me to come to dinner 3 times, I accepted the 3rd time. She
lived a mile and a half away so I walked and brought a shovel to
shovel out her car. The blizzard was winding down, just
flurries. When I got there, there was great tension between her
and my other aunt who was visiting great aunt.
Turns out, great aunt didn't have enough food for dinner for 3.
We each got a small piece of chicken, slice of bread, and small
salad. And I had offered to bring food, but after the
decline-offer dance over food, I had figured bringing the shovel
was enough etiquette.
When other aunt and I were alone shoveling out the car, other
aunt explained to me that when great aunt had gotten off the
phone with me, great aunt had gone off about how rude I was
accepting the dinner offer. Other aunt had defended me, pointing
out that great aunt had asked me to dinner 3 times. So they had
had a bit of a fight and thus the tension between them.
Part of my issue here is that this neighbor reminds me of my
great aunt.
We'll see what happens when I see her again. On the other hand
if I can get some TP in the store today, maybe I'll get her
some! But the store probably won't let me buy $15 worth - LOL!
#Post#: 48977--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Runningstar Date: March 21, 2020, 10:54 am
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I'd straight up put the $17 (cash) in an envelope and write her
name, a smilie face, done. She (IMO) was just being polite,
since from your description that is what it sounds like to me.
#Post#: 48982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Hanna Date: March 21, 2020, 2:00 pm
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[quote author=Runningstar link=topic=1663.msg48977#msg48977
date=1584806042]
I'd straight up put the $17 (cash) in an envelope and write her
name, a smilie face, done. She (IMO) was just being polite,
since from your description that is what it sounds like to me.
[/quote]
I agree with this. Less awkward than handing her the cash.
That’s a funny story about your great aunt! People like that
boggle my mind. ::)
Also, curious about how you know how much water was used!
#Post#: 48985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Isisnin Date: March 21, 2020, 2:48 pm
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The Boston Water and Sewer Co. website lets you see your daily
and monthly usage.
Shoot! Just realized that I could have responded originally
telling her to keep the money. I'd find out from the water co.
how much more the power washing was, and would let her know what
she owed me.
Maybe I might have read her email and responded late at night
when I was tired. Oh well.
#Post#: 49007--------------------------------------------------
Re: Should I give money back?
By: Aleko Date: March 22, 2020, 3:08 am
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I think that the proper solution would have been not to ask at
all, but just put the excess $17 in an envelope with a cheery
note saying 'It only cost $3!' and slip it through her
letterbox. Asking someone 'Do you want the rest of your money
back?' puts them in the position whereby they may feel awkward
saying 'Yes, actually I do' because they feel it sounds mean and
penny-pinching to someone who has done them a favour.
I can't see anything right about giving back $15. Certainly
round the amount off to the nearest $ or £ - saying 'you used
$2.89' and counting out the cents really would look Scroogey -
but keeping back that much extra isn't a good look either.
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