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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 48542--------------------------------------------------
"Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: TeamBhakta Date: March 12, 2020, 9:18 am
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A poster on Reddit went to visit her friend Hannah, who recently
had a baby. She wore a crop-top T-shirt and high-waisted
leggings; this is the example of it she gave:
HTML https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/07/15/02/16050908-0-image-a-31_1563153348708.jpg.<br
/>Louise, a mutual friend, told the poster it was insensitive to
wear that around a new mom + Hannah was upset. Was the poster
wrong to wear this outfit around Hannah ?
HTML https://thestir.cafemom.com/being_a_mom/224107/friend-wears-crop-top-visit-new-mom
#Post#: 48543--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 12, 2020, 9:25 am
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I am sorry that this new mom is dealing with body image issues.
That can certainly be a challenge. But it is HER issue and that
shouldn't dictate what others can wear around her.
#Post#: 48544--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: Jem Date: March 12, 2020, 9:33 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1655.msg48543#msg48543
date=1584023149]
I am sorry that this new mom is dealing with body image issues.
That can certainly be a challenge. But it is HER issue and that
shouldn't dictate what others can wear around her.
[/quote]
100% agree.
#Post#: 48550--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: TootsNYC Date: March 12, 2020, 10:20 am
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I remember that.
And I was struck that it wasn't the struggling new mom who asked
the friend to stop wearing crop tops.
It was a mutual friend. So often I see someone sharing their
emotional journey with a friend, and then that friend decides
they need to rush off and solve the problem.
The new mom might be upset that the mutual friend approached the
crop-top wearer.
I saw this with my elderly dad after his stroke, when my sister
had taken his cat to her house while he was in hospital and
rehab, and then she held onto the cat because my brother didn't
think Dad could take care of him, and my brother didn't have
time. Dad would tell people, "I miss Beau," and then they'd all
call me and demand that we do things to let him have his cat
again.
So finally on a visit, I strategized with the in-town
grandchild to be the logistical support so my overburdened big
brother didn't have to (that she'd do weekly cleanout of
multiple cat boxes if I paid her to , and hopefully dad could
handle daily food and water along with his own).
But when we brought out plan to Dad, he said no. "Better for
Beau," he typed out on his tablet, since we had trouble
understanding his words.
I had to tell all those people: When dad says he's missing his
cat, he isn't telling you he wants you to fix it. He is sharing
his emotional state with you. Please invest your energy in
sympathizing with him, which will help him cope with that
loneliness. If he told you he was missing mom, you wouldn't be
clamoring for someone to bring her back from the dead, and you
wouldn't be encouraging him to run out and start dating someone
else; so please react just the same way, and stop bugging the
rest of us.
#Post#: 48554--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: bopper Date: March 12, 2020, 11:09 am
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They crazy.
#Post#: 48645--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: LifeOnPluto Date: March 13, 2020, 10:36 pm
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The poster was definitely not rude for wearing those clothes
around Hannah (the new mum).
The mutual friend Louise might have had good intentions, and
probably just wanted Hannah to feel better, but she went about
it the wrong way. It wasn't her job to 'fix' Hannah's feelings,
and it was wrong of her to accuse the poster for wearing her
clothes.
Note - I'm assuming it was normal for this poster to wear those
sorts of outfits, and she wasn't doing it on purpose to make
Hannah feel bad!! I might raise an eyebrow if previously she'd
always worn baggy jeans and sweaters, then suddenly busts out
the tight gym gear when she visits her struggling new-mum
friend.
#Post#: 48680--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: ZekailleTasker Date: March 14, 2020, 9:03 pm
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Definitely not rude.
I am short, overweight and my hair never does what I want it to
without six pounds of gel and 2 hours of styling...hence, my
hair always looks bad. This is my issue to solve, not that of
my cute skinny coworker who can wear whatever she wants. And
yes, I feel bad that I am not as young and pretty as she is.
But again, I am the one who has to get over this. The world
isn't going to accommodate me...why should my friend and
coworker?
This may be insensitive, and maybe because I am from an older
generation, but when I read stories like this, I wonder how
people like this new Mom and her buddy cope with real problems.
#Post#: 48693--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: Luci Date: March 14, 2020, 10:46 pm
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I wonder how many of these visitors are unable to have a baby
but went to the showers and now are happy for new mom. She is
very self centered. I hope she does well with raising a child.
#Post#: 48694--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: TootsNYC Date: March 15, 2020, 12:31 am
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[quote author=Luci link=topic=1655.msg48693#msg48693
date=1584243996]
I wonder how many of these visitors are unable to have a baby
but went to the showers and now are happy for new mom. She is
very self centered. I hope she does well with raising a child.
[/quote]
Well, the new mom wasn’t the one who approached the crop-top
wearing friend.
She may have simply been lamenting to her other friend (Lucy),
saying something like, “When I saw her in her crop top, with her
skinny tummy, it made me feel like I’ll never be that slim
again! Oh, I hate when people wear clothes that show off their
trim figures; it makes me feel awful about myself.”
That’s a perfectly reasonable lament for someone to make to a
friend.
The problem is that the friend went off on a crusade.
Perhaps unbidden.
#Post#: 48761--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Don't wear that outfit. I just had a baby."
By: BeagleMommy Date: March 16, 2020, 1:29 pm
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You can't dictate what other people wear in your presence. I am
still missing my hair (even though it is growing in) since chemo
made it fall out. I can't tell my friends to shave their heads
or tuck their hair into a hat in my presence.
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