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#Post#: 48504--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: March 11, 2020, 2:46 pm
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=lowspark link=topic=1649.msg48465#msg48465
date=1583859821]
> I've gone more and more to buying off the registry simply
because I know that the recipient is expecting that and prefers
it, even though I don't prefer it. But whatcha gonna do? I have
to face up to the fact that it's not about me...
>
>
--- End Quote ---
I think this makes the most sense. If the goal is to please the
recipient, chances are the recipient is going to pleased by
being given exactly what they asked for. If the goal is to be
remembered fondly by the recipient as a talented gift giver, the
giver needs to be prepared for being disappointed, especially if
the giver gave something *the giver* preferred over what *the
recipient clearly stated* she preferred. No recipient should be
rude about being given something they didn't ask for, but I
personally would not use something I didn't want or like simply
because it was given to me.
[/quote]
That does make sense, but then it means that all of their gifts
have to come from the same couple of places. Surely there are
things they would love that aren't sold by those merchants.
#Post#: 48507--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: March 11, 2020, 3:12 pm
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--- Quote from: Stitch link ---
>
> I recently was sent an Amazon registry for a family member.
It allowed me to mark an item as purchased even though I did not
buy it from Amazon. This saved me quite a bit of money, others
didn't buy the same gift as it showed it had been purchased, and
the recipient still got exactly the item they wanted. I thought
that was great! I understand it works using an Amazon wish list
as well.
>
--- End Quote ---
Of course, you run the risk that the person buying the gift will
say, "Oh, this flatware is just as good as that one," or "this
vacuum cleaner is fine," and it isn't, and they've marked it
"purchased," and so no one else buys the REAL one. And by the
time all the present-buying is done, the recipient is without
the item they wanted and is not in a position to buy it for
themselves.
I think I wouldn't mark something "purchased" until they got
it--they can always return the extra.
#Post#: 48509--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Jem
Date: March 11, 2020, 3:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Gellchom link ---
>
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1649.msg48466#msg48466
date=1583861177]
> [quote author=lowspark link=topic=1649.msg48465#msg48465
date=1583859821]
> I've gone more and more to buying off the registry simply
because I know that the recipient is expecting that and prefers
it, even though I don't prefer it. But whatcha gonna do? I have
to face up to the fact that it's not about me...
>
>
--- End Quote ---
I think this makes the most sense. If the goal is to please the
recipient, chances are the recipient is going to pleased by
being given exactly what they asked for. If the goal is to be
remembered fondly by the recipient as a talented gift giver, the
giver needs to be prepared for being disappointed, especially if
the giver gave something *the giver* preferred over what *the
recipient clearly stated* she preferred. No recipient should be
rude about being given something they didn't ask for, but I
personally would not use something I didn't want or like simply
because it was given to me.
[/quote]
That does make sense, but then it means that all of their gifts
have to come from the same couple of places. Surely there are
things they would love that aren't sold by those merchants.
[/quote]
A person can give whatever they want to give! My point is that a
person who gives a gift that is not from the registry cannot
also expect that the recipient will love it and remember the
giver fondly. The recipient absolutely MAY love a gift not from
the registry! But the recipient may not, and the giver should be
prepared for that.
#Post#: 48512--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Jem
Date: March 11, 2020, 3:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
>
> Of course, you run the risk that the person buying the gift
will say, "Oh, this flatware is just as good as that one," or
"this vacuum cleaner is fine," and it isn't....
--- End Quote ---
This 100%. It is sometimes not obvious what the important
factors are in an item, so things that "are exactly the same" in
the view of one person are absolutely NOT the same in the view
of another. One person might think, "Oh, they requested a pair
of wine glasses, but the ones they chose are $80. I found these
other wine glasses at the dollar store and they are the same
thing! I saved myself $78!" Then the recipient opens the dollar
store wine glasses and thinks, "I don't want or need more cheap
wine glasses, I wanted the specific Waterford Crystal wine
glasses for special occasions."
#Post#: 48515--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: March 11, 2020, 4:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree there are some classifications of registry items that it
is apparent that the couple wants those specific items. For
example if all of the nursery bedding is in patterns of
giraffes, the giver shouldn't go and buy a set of sheets with
Panda's because they prefer Pandas. The giver should just pick
something else they like. Or if the parent's registered for
Avant bottles you shouldn't buy Platyex because you used them
and loved them.
I know at times I don't "agree" with a couple's selection,
especially around kitchen items. But I'm not going to put my
choice above theirs. But I might buy something they didn't
register for but I think they will enjoy. For instance, a couple
had a really high end knife set; for a shower gift I bought
them his and her cut resistant gloves and a knife sharpener.
Neither were items they had registered for but they really liked
both. Neither knew that there was even a thing called cut
resistant gloves.
And couple's obviously can't register for homemade items, but
I'm sure love the handmade quilt given to them. Or an artist
friend did a small 5x7 watercolor of painting of DH & I leaving
our reception that I will always cherish.
Yes, there are those who are hyper controlling and only want
what is on their registry. But my opinion is that if they only
want things they select, they should buy them. Don't expect
gifts.
#Post#: 48518--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: March 11, 2020, 4:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> A person can give whatever they want to give! My point is that
a person who gives a gift that is not from the registry cannot
also expect that the recipient will love it and remember the
giver fondly. The recipient absolutely MAY love a gift not from
the registry! But the recipient may not, and the giver should be
prepared for that.
>
--- End Quote ---
And, it's possible for someone to end up not loving a gift that
is on the registry.
Basically, we all hope for the best. The registry gives us a
greater chance of giving a gift the recipient will find useful
or beautiful.
#Post#: 48519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: March 11, 2020, 4:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> Or if the parent's registered for Avant bottles you shouldn't
buy Platyex because you used them and loved them.
>
--- End Quote ---
I would absolutely do this. I haven't taken away from them the
chance to use Avant bottles.
And baby bottles are a relatively inexpensive gift.
In fact, I HAVE done this, and I included a note about why I
thought those nipple shapes were good.
However, I wouldn't mark the Avant bottles as "purchased" on
their registry!
I wouldn't buy them china that they didn't register for, because
that's expensive. But if I looked at their registry, knew their
colors and had a sense of their taste, I'd absolutely buy a
tablecloth that I liked.
I've bought people the nursing pillow whose design I loved, even
though they also registered for My Brest Friend or something.
Someone else can get them that. I'm giving them not just a gift
but also my own experience. (I actually have a whole document I
wrote explaining why I liked each of the products I liked, and
tips that nobody told me until late in the game, and which
nursing shirts I liked, etc. It's mildly obnoxious, but so far
every person I've given it to has gushed about it.)
Also, especially with baby showers, there are always way more
people buying presents than the mom needs, so I have absolutely
zero qualms about this.
#Post#: 48523--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: March 11, 2020, 6:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote]Or if the parent's registered for Avant bottles you
shouldn't buy Platyex because you used them and loved them.
>
--- End Quote ---
I would absolutely do this. I haven't taken away from them the
chance to use Avant bottles.
And baby bottles are a relatively inexpensive gift.
In fact, I HAVE done this, and I included a note about why I
thought those nipple shapes were good.
However, I wouldn't mark the Avant bottles as "purchased" on
their registry!
I wouldn't buy them china that they didn't register for, because
that's expensive. But if I looked at their registry, knew their
colors and had a sense of their taste, I'd absolutely buy a
tablecloth that I liked.
I've bought people the nursing pillow whose design I loved, even
though they also registered for My Brest Friend or something.
Someone else can get them that. I'm giving them not just a gift
but also my own experience. (I actually have a whole document I
wrote explaining why I liked each of the products I liked, and
tips that nobody told me until late in the game, and which
nursing shirts I liked, etc. It's mildly obnoxious, but so far
every person I've given it to has gushed about it.)
Also, especially with baby showers, there are always way more
people buying presents than the mom needs, so I have absolutely
zero qualms about this.
[/quote]
This makes sense, because the items you're talking about are not
only lower end items, but things that you need more than one of
anyway.
You wouldn't get them a different flatware pattern than the one
they registered for, but even if they registered for a
particular tablecloth, it's fine to get a different one. That's
not "instead of" the one they chose; it's another one. You
don't need more than one crib or toaster, but you need more than
one sleeper and more than one tablecloth, and it sure doesn't
hurt to have an extra diaper bag or nursing pillow.
It's one thing to expect only the nursery decor or the china
pattern you chose yourself. But to object to a baby outfit or a
vase someone gave you because it isn't one you selected yourself
-- that's where it crosses the line, in my opinion.
#Post#: 48548--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: March 12, 2020, 10:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote]Or if the parent's registered for Avant bottles you
shouldn't buy Platyex because you used them and loved them.
>
--- End Quote ---
I would absolutely do this. I haven't taken away from them the
chance to use Avant bottles.
And baby bottles are a relatively inexpensive gift.
In fact, I HAVE done this, and I included a note about why I
thought those nipple shapes were good.
[/quote]
Most soon to be new parents have already researched or received
advice before registering for these types of specific items. To
me sending your choice with the note just screams "I think I
know better than you." If you really think your opinion is
better than maybe buy the Avant and also include one of your
choice.
#Post#: 48549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: March 12, 2020, 10:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> Most soon to be new parents have already researched or
received advice
--- End Quote ---
isn't that what I'm doing? providing advice? Perhaps it's
unsolicited, but it's not like this is judgmental advice.
And one could argue that inviting me to give them a baby gift
IS soliciting my advice.
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