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#Post#: 48411--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: TootsNYC Date: March 9, 2020, 10:39 am
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[quote author=Hello Ducky link=topic=1649.msg48302#msg48302
date=1583465282]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1649.msg48284#msg48284
date=1583430512]
[quote]One last question is, would someone register for
multiple/ similar items(variety of sippy cups or blankets) on a
registry in order to have a variety of items for guests to
choose from, but would return some items back to the store, in
order to get credit to buy few of the pricier needed items for
baby?
[/quote]
They're not supposed to. If someone did register for a variety
of sippy cups, my own assumption would be that they didn't know
which ones they would prefer, and they figured they'd do their
experimenting via the gifts that people are giving.
[/quote]
They're "not supposed to?" There aren't registry rules that I
know of. People register for things in a very personal way.
Maybe they want a lot of sippy cups; maybe they don't know what
brand they'll like best; maybe they like all of the cups they've
listed and are giving guests choices so they'll (parents) will
still have a bit of the surprise element when they see which one
they receive.
Even if they registered for ONE sippy cup, there's a chance
they'll receive more than one. Of course they can return the
rest and use the credit toward whatever else they need for baby.
[/quote]
Of course they can return anything they want.
But I think it's universally considered to be rude to
deliberately register for things you don't want specifically
because you intend to then return them for money.
There's an assumption that if you put something on a registry,
it's because you think you want it.
It may turn out that you don't need it after all, or you change
your mind.
But I wouldn't assume people are just using the registry as a
money mill, and it would be rude of them to do so.
#Post#: 48412--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: TootsNYC Date: March 9, 2020, 10:43 am
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[quote author=jazzgirl205 link=topic=1649.msg48383#msg48383
date=1583708280]
What a lot of people don't know is that the new mother gets a
discount if she buys from her own registry after the baby is
born. That's why registries contain big ticket items. Most new
mothers don't really expect people to buy the big things. My DD
received a lot of gifts but only a couple from her registry -
which was fine because all her gifts were better than what she
registered. I'm pretty sure the mother will use whatever you
give.
[/quote]
I agree about the big-ticket items.
I get salty when people complain about big-ticket items being on
there, because:
-sometimes people will go in together on a big-ticket item
-even if it's established ahead of time that grandma is going
to buy the crib, the registry is a very easy way to communicate
that information; Grandma can go to the store and point to the
registry and say "that," and walk out with the right thing.
-there's that discount that's often useful; a mom or a bride
who knows no one is going to give her the high chair (or who
suspects it) can buy it for herself with a bit of a discount at
a financially trying time.
I think gift-buyers need to remember that registries are not
aimed at you personally, particularly. They are just ideas of
sure-fire-success gift ideas for a large group of people.
And you may think you know that they don't have family who
will buy those expensive things, but you could be WRONG WRONG
WRONG.
I remember the person who was miffed that a B&G had registered
for an XBox (or similar), but the groom's colleagues took up a
collection and bought it for them--and it came with two
controllers so they could play together.
#Post#: 48438--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: Victoria Date: March 9, 2020, 3:46 pm
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1649.msg48331#msg48331
date=1583524561]
I don't feel obligated to choose gifts from registries, and I
resent any pressure placed on people to do so.
[/quote]
I'm the opposite. I have very, very few things on purpose and I
hate having excess. So if I put something on a registry, I
definitely want that specific thing and it's been picked out
very carefully even if it doesn't look like it to anyone else.
And if I were a newlywed or a new parent, having to return
something (with the assumption that I took the time to create a
decently well-rounded registry and didn't expect everyone to buy
me hundreds of dollars' worth of appliances) would be One More
Thing I don't want to deal with in an already busy season of
life.
I've always found that registries take the pressure off of
everyone. If I'm buying something, I know what to buy. If I'm
receiving something, I don't have to deal with people asking me
what I want, what they can buy me, passing the question up
through my mother and grandmother, etc.
#Post#: 48441--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: Gellchom Date: March 9, 2020, 4:22 pm
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[quote author=Victoria link=topic=1649.msg48438#msg48438
date=1583786791]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1649.msg48331#msg48331
date=1583524561]
I don't feel obligated to choose gifts from registries, and I
resent any pressure placed on people to do so.
[/quote]
I'm the opposite. I have very, very few things on purpose and I
hate having excess. So if I put something on a registry, I
definitely want that specific thing and it's been picked out
very carefully even if it doesn't look like it to anyone else.
And if I were a newlywed or a new parent, having to return
something (with the assumption that I took the time to create a
decently well-rounded registry and didn't expect everyone to buy
me hundreds of dollars' worth of appliances) would be One More
Thing I don't want to deal with in an already busy season of
life.
I've always found that registries take the pressure off of
everyone. If I'm buying something, I know what to buy. If I'm
receiving something, I don't have to deal with people asking me
what I want, what they can buy me, passing the question up
through my mother and grandmother, etc.
[/quote]
Is returning something all that different from using a gift
card?
I do get it about preferring items you've registered yourself --
some people prefer more surprises, some don't, and that's fine.
The only time it goes too far, in my opinion, is considering
people rude or wrong for giving anything that's not on the list
(you did NOT do that!). Then it's just a shopping list that
guests are being told that they are expected to fill, not really
any different from insisting on cash or specified gift cards
only (because then you can buy only exactly what you want). I
suppose there are lots of people who would prefer that, but it
would be very rude to demand it.
#Post#: 48451--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: DaDancingPsych Date: March 10, 2020, 7:35 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1649.msg48412#msg48412
date=1583768627]
I remember the person who was miffed that a B&G had registered
for an XBox (or similar), but the groom's colleagues took up a
collection and bought it for them--and it came with two
controllers so they could play together.
[/quote]
***I*** would never want to buy an XBox for a couple. I do not
feel that it's an appropriate wedding gift. But there's no
reason for me to feel miffed. I just don't buy it. And
obviously, my feelings do not extend to everyone. The HC thought
it was an appropriate gift. The colleagues thought it was an
appropriate gift. Why should I care?
#Post#: 48462--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: TootsNYC Date: March 10, 2020, 11:11 am
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Right?
Some people might think it's acceptable to buy a picnic basket
so they can go on romantic picnics together.
Or a TV so they can watch TV together.
But they play video games together.
#Post#: 48465--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: lowspark Date: March 10, 2020, 12:03 pm
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I think that the interpretation of the purpose of a registry is
different for different generations.
Back in the day, you would register for china, maybe crystal,
and maybe silver. That's it. You might state your colors as
well, but you didn't register for every towel, appliance,
utensil, etc. So the idea of people just buying what you
registered for and nothing else just didn't enter into the
equation.
Now, people register for every single conceivable item. I think
that's due to the stores figuring that the more you register for
with them, the more they can potentially sell. The gift buyer is
now more likely to go ahead and buy the registered item at the
store where it's registered. Cha-ching! (For the store.)
Due to that, the attitude had evolved from, I'll be happy with
whatever I get, to, I registered for exactly what I want, so
please buy me that.
As a member of the older generation, I have a bit of a hard time
wrapping my head around that. I, like others here, would often
prefer to give a gift that I personally picked out. Something
that I like and believe the recipient will like. And yes,
something that will remind the recipient of me.
But the younger generation will often look at that gift and say,
"Why did she buy me that! I didn't register for it. Why can't
she stick to what I've said I want!"
All above are generalizations, of course, but that's what I'm
seeing, both here, and IRL. It's a generation gap. I've gone
more and more to buying off the registry simply because I know
that the recipient is expecting that and prefers it, even though
I don't prefer it. But whatcha gonna do? I have to face up to
the fact that it's not about me...
On the other hand, if I see something that really does stand out
as something I really think they will like, I'll go for it. And
I'll hope that the recipient will appreciate it as something
that, if they had seen it, they might have chosen it themselves.
So... it's a bit of give and take, in the end.
#Post#: 48466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: Jem Date: March 10, 2020, 12:26 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1649.msg48465#msg48465
date=1583859821]
I've gone more and more to buying off the registry simply
because I know that the recipient is expecting that and prefers
it, even though I don't prefer it. But whatcha gonna do? I have
to face up to the fact that it's not about me...
[/quote]
I think this makes the most sense. If the goal is to please the
recipient, chances are the recipient is going to pleased by
being given exactly what they asked for. If the goal is to be
remembered fondly by the recipient as a talented gift giver, the
giver needs to be prepared for being disappointed, especially if
the giver gave something *the giver* preferred over what *the
recipient clearly stated* she preferred. No recipient should be
rude about being given something they didn't ask for, but I
personally would not use something I didn't want or like simply
because it was given to me.
#Post#: 48469--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: mime Date: March 10, 2020, 12:58 pm
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I know that I liked my registry items better than the
off-the-registry items when it came to décor (I'm not a flowery
decorator, but it seems that many of my friends are), and
big-ticket things (no way was I going to keep the car seat that
I hadn't researched and chosen for safety as well as other
reasons). I didn't register for toys, consumables, clothes, etc,
-- whatever someone chose was good. Other things varied from
item to item.
I did remember my childhood neighbor nearly every time I gave my
baby a bath; she stocked us up very well in baby bath soap,
washcloths, and a rubber ducky.
And for this (respectfully snipped):
[quote author=esmerita link=topic=1649.msg48303#msg48303
date=1583469019]
In the past when I had a lot of baby showers to attend I usually
bought a gift set of proof coins for the baby's birth year - a
unique gift that the child can appreciate when they're older and
will never get thrown out. Though come to think of it, I may
just be sharing my hoarder tendencies!
[/quote]
I still have my own set from the 70s! And the dear friend who
gave me those coins also gave them to my own kids when they were
born! It makes me smile whenever I see them.
#Post#: 48500--------------------------------------------------
Re: Registries
By: Stitch Date: March 11, 2020, 1:55 pm
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I recently was sent an Amazon registry for a family member. It
allowed me to mark an item as purchased even though I did not
buy it from Amazon. This saved me quite a bit of money, others
didn't buy the same gift as it showed it had been purchased, and
the recipient still got exactly the item they wanted. I thought
that was great! I understand it works using an Amazon wish list
as well.
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