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#Post#: 47887--------------------------------------------------
When should you write the thank you note?
By: Gellchom Date: February 25, 2020, 3:56 pm
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Okay so I am not a big fan of the Zola wedding registry, but I'm
not writing to criticize or complain about them! Or anyone.
I'm just wondering about a thank you note timing question
created by their system, which I used recently to send a gift to
a young cousin and her fiance.
On Zola, when you buy an item, it doesn't get shipped until a
time chosen by the recipients, although they are notified right
away. Okay, fine, doesn't affect me as the giver.
But I am wondering when recipients think they are supposed to
write thank you letters. After they get the notification, or
after they get the gift?
I just sent it a few days ago, so it's not like this question
comes from wondering why I haven't heard from them. I'm just
thinking about it generally. It would also apply outside of
such registries, to an out of stock gift for which the store
sends the recipient a notice.
When do you think recipients should thank the givers: when the
notification is received, or when the item arrives? If someone
asked for your advice, what would you tell them?
#Post#: 47891--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: TootsNYC Date: February 25, 2020, 4:36 pm
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if I were to give someone advice, I'd say send the note as soon
as you're notified.
You have essentially received it (it's been paid for, it's
yours), for one.
For another (from a P.R. perspective), you want to say thanks
while the generosity is still fresh in the mind of the person
who sent it. You want to give them a reward (behavioral science)
while it still works.
And then, if you are really on the ball, you'll write AGAIN
pretty soon after you receive it, or first use it.
The thing people so often forget w/ thank-you notes is that they
are more than just an obligation. They are encouragement for
people to give you other presents for later events.
EDITED TO ADD: Writing two notes is more work, but you are the
one who selected Zola, with its option to hold onto the gifts
until a more convenient time for you.
And that's why I think you send the TY note right away, at
the notification. Because the later delivery is all about YOUR
convenience. So it shouldn't guide your expression of thanks for
someone's generosity.
#Post#: 47895--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: QueenFaninCA Date: February 25, 2020, 4:54 pm
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We sent all our Thank You cards after the wedding. We had Thank
You cards printed with a photo of us from our wedding.
#Post#: 47904--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: Runningstar Date: February 25, 2020, 9:04 pm
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I would say that the thank you should be sent after the actual
receipt of the gift. Sometimes things get lost or damaged in
shipment. A thank you lets the giver know that the gift made it
safely, along with the receiver's gratitude.
#Post#: 47914--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: vintagegal Date: February 26, 2020, 6:41 am
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[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=1643.msg47895#msg47895
date=1582671248]
We sent all our Thank You cards after the wedding. We had Thank
You cards printed with a photo of us from our wedding.
[/quote]
I hope you wrote on them and signed them, and sent them
yourselves. I received a pre-printed, unsigned photo card from
one HC, mailed by the printing company, with generic language
about "thank you for the token...". I was gobsmacked.
#Post#: 47917--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: February 26, 2020, 8:14 am
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I agree with after receiving the gift. I agree with Runningstar
that part of the reason for sending the thank you is to allow
the sender to know that the gift made it successfully. Also, it
allows me to see and maybe even use the gift, so I could speak
to how much I like it (rather than I think it will be nice.)
I don't know if this is required, but if I received such a
notification, I might informally message the sender to express
excitement. "I got an email saying that you sent a gift! Oh boy,
I feel like a kid on Christmas!" But I don't know if I would do
that for a wedding gift, because there is a certain expectation
that I would be receiving gifts and I am also likely receiving
many of these notifications.
#Post#: 47919--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: lowspark Date: February 26, 2020, 9:06 am
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I vote for as soon as you're notified. The giver has sent the
gift as far as they are concerned. Whether the middle man, so to
speak, sends it now or later, is not something that the giver
should even have to care about.
It's like if the giver sent the gift to the address of the
bride's parents. The couple might not take possession of the
gift till after the wedding, so the gift might be sitting at the
parents' house for a couple of months. But the couple still
needs to thank the giver soon after the arrival of the gift at
the parents' house.
I believe the same applies in this case.
#Post#: 47922--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: gramma dishes Date: February 26, 2020, 10:25 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1643.msg47919#msg47919
date=1582729595]
I vote for as soon as you're notified. The giver has sent the
gift as far as they are concerned. Whether the middle man, so to
speak, sends it now or later, is not something that the giver
should even have to care about.
It's like if the giver sent the gift to the address of the
bride's parents. The couple might not take possession of the
gift till after the wedding, so the gift might be sitting at the
parents' house for a couple of months. But the couple still
needs to thank the giver soon after the arrival of the gift at
the parents' house.
I believe the same applies in this case.
[/quote]
But if the gift is at the home of the bride's parents, the
parents will at the very least have notified the couple so they
know something actually arrived. They may have even opened the
gift there and left it until after the wedding. So the giver
knows it arrived safely.
In the other instance though, the giver would have no idea
whether the actual gift actually ever arrived if you sent the
thank you note upon receipt of the notice.
#Post#: 47923--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: TootsNYC Date: February 26, 2020, 10:32 am
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But I would say in this instance, with a registry and a
notification, that the arrival of the gift is now the
responsibility of the recipient.
So whether it arrives safely isn't the guest's problem anymore.
Were I the gift-giver in that situation, I wouldn't think
anything more about it.
I do think it would be extra nice to receive a quick note a few
months later (via any medium--text, Facebook Messenger,
letter--that said, "Wanted to let you know we used that blender
for a cocktail party last night--boy, can it chop ice! Thanks
again."
Or even, "Just thought I'd let you know, the toaster you gave us
arrived safely last night. Thanks again."
But I wouldn't think I needed it.
I would, however, want to know that you saw my gesture of love
right away.
Because it's the gesture, not the blender, that's important to
me.
#Post#: 47926--------------------------------------------------
Re: When should you write the thank you note?
By: Hmmm Date: February 26, 2020, 11:19 am
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I don't there is one answer and I don't think it has any
relationship to Zola and how it operates. Some couples choose to
write the thank you notes for wedding gifts as they are
received. "Thank you for the lovely vase. I'm so sorry you won't
be able to attend the wedding but we hope to see you soon."
Other's wait and do it after the wedding so they can include
things like "It was wonderful to see you at the wedding. It
meant so much to us that you came. Joe and i will enjoy crystal
vase for years to come. Joe has already brought me a bouquet
that I was excited to display in the vase." or "We know you were
unable to attend the wedding but so appreciate you sending the
gift of the stainless place setting. Hopefully we'll be able to
entertain you soon for dinner."
I personally would find it odd to receive a thank you note when
I know the gift is not even in their possession yet.
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