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#Post#: 48023--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Winterlight
Date: February 28, 2020, 12:30 pm
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--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> I'm looking at #1 from the point of view of overhearing this
as a customer in the salon. I would be inclined to take it with
a grain of salt. People love to embellish and exaggerate stories
from their youth. I would have probably seen it as an attempt,
even if ill advised or badly executed, by Niece to tease DD.
>
> And to be honest, it would color my opinion of Niece way more
than that of DD. So really, both DD and you need to let this one
go. Just forget about it as if it never happened. Make it so
that it didn't even register a blip on your radar.
>
> For #2, Niece is the GOH at the shower, right? IOW, she's the
one having a baby? I would give her a huge pass on this.
Pregnancy wreaks havoc on your emotional state. Certainly, DD
hasn't anything to feel guilty about, but I can understand
Niece's disappointment manifesting itself in a not so nice way.
>
> Unless this woman has a history of being rude or mean, I'd
forgive and forget both of these incidents post haste.
>
--- End Quote ---
Same here. As a customer, the first exchange would mostly make
me wonder why on earth she's decided to bring this up now, and
I'd take it with a lot of salt.
The second one, well, maybe she was having a bad day? I give
pregnant women more of a pass on this for mild irritation, if
that's what it was and not disappointment or sudden heartburn.
#Post#: 48024--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Surly
Date: February 28, 2020, 2:17 pm
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--- Quote from: chigger link ---
>
> [quote author=Surly link=topic=1641.msg47805#msg47805
date=1582499285]
> I'm not seeing niece as snotty/rude here at all.
>
> Maybe for #1, she was speaking too loudly, but she didn't
realize it, or didn't realize that she was upsetting your
daughter. I've certainly teased my little sister about how
babysitting her ruined my social life! When family asks you to
babysit, it's often understood to be a requirement (plus, OP,
her parents may have told her it was mandatory, even if you
tried to make it clear it was optional). I'd cut her some slack
here if she's not generally a mean person.
>
> For #2, getting her hair done 1/2 hour before the party may
not have worked -- sometimes, guests come early, or you're
trying to get things ready. I'd find it stressful to be trying
to fit in the hair appointment that close to the start. It
sounds perfectly reasonable that she went with someone else, and
I wouldn't take any insult in it.
>
> It sounds like maybe your daughter is upset that your niece
doesn't come to the salon anymore, and is reading a lot into
their interactions?
>
--- End Quote ---
Daughter has no problem that cousin does not come into the salon
after moving an hour away.
[/quote]
Oh, good to hear -- from your OP it did sound like your daughter
had an issue with it, which didn't seem reasonable to me.
#Post#: 48030--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: February 28, 2020, 4:22 pm
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I, too, think this just sounded like exaggerating for the sake
of the story/attention. I've had that happen to me, and I get
it that it's annoying, but really, it's not such a horrible
thing. And I agree that her parents may have told her she had
to agree to babysit, or that she felt she had to, even though
there was no pressure from you.
And I would also overlook her tone when her cousin told her she
couldn't do her hair any earlier than 30 minutes before the
event. That really sounds like it is just way too close to the
start time; I can't fault her for not foreseeing that that would
be a condition of the favor. I'm not saying that anyone had to
rearrange their schedules for her, just that her tone might not
have been directed at her cousin, but more a function of
realizing that something that she now had to start over for
something that she thought she had gotten arranged.
In any case, I can see how all of this could be a little
off-putting, but no one is perfect! I think it would be a very
major overreaction, and a mistake, to make a big deal of it --
certainly to the extent of boycotting the shower or otherwise
altering future interactions and relationships. That would
make her the drama queen, not the cousin. At most, I'd have a
little talk about how the babysitting comment made her feel.
#Post#: 48034--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: jpcher
Date: February 28, 2020, 6:02 pm
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Thank you all for your responses. I've been reading them
carefully and understand some of your thoughts. I haven't talked
to DD#2 about your replies yet, long car trip tomorrow so we
will chat on this subject.
From my side . . . No. We will not cut Niece off and will attend
her baby shower.
1. Concerning Niece talking family history (and her memory of
what happened) at DD#2's shop. I get that it's a beauty salon
and people tend to chat and exaggerate their tales. True, in my
opinion, DD#2 was upset about this because a client of hers was
talking smack about her in front of other clients and stylists.
That's not good advertising and family secrets should remain
behind closed doors.
If Niece really feels that her childhood was damaged due to my
over use of her babysitting then that's something that she
should have brought up with me. Not general public.
Some posters mentioned that maybe Niece's parents insisted that
it was a must-do for Niece to babysit . . . I honestly don't
know the answer to this. If they did so, then I think it's a
shame on them.
I believe (again in my opinion) this is the biggest of the two
matters for DD#2. Niece talking badly about DD#2s parents in the
shop that she owns.
But at least Niece isn't going to the shop any more . . . and
there is no bad feelings about that because DD#2 fully
understands driving 1+ hour to get your hair done is a bit over
the top.
2. Niece is the GOH at her baby shower hosted by others so she
shouldn't be involved any prep work, decorating, cleaning,
cooking, greeting early guests, etc. at all. I think that DD#2
was a bit disappointed about not doing Niece's hair for the
event. Having some quiet time, just the two of them together.
DD#2 did Niece's hair for Niece's wedding. They spent about an
hour alone together with hair and getting Niece dressed and what
all.
Again, I haven't talked to DD#2 about this since her original
rant to me, but I'm of the opinion that 1. stings common sense
and 2. hurts the heart.
#Post#: 48060--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Surly
Date: February 29, 2020, 9:02 am
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--- Quote from: jpcher link ---
>
>
> 2. Niece is the GOH at her baby shower hosted by others so she
shouldn't be involved any prep work, decorating, cleaning,
cooking, greeting early guests, etc. at all. I think that DD#2
was a bit disappointed about not doing Niece's hair for the
event. Having some quiet time, just the two of them together.
>
> DD#2 did Niece's hair for Niece's wedding. They spent about an
hour alone together with hair and getting Niece dressed and what
all.
>
>
>
> Again, I haven't talked to DD#2 about this since her original
rant to me, but I'm of the opinion that 1. stings common sense
and 2. hurts the heart.
>
--- End Quote ---
Even so, 30 minutes before the event is a tight timeline.
Assume you're right and she wouldn't be helping out at all, she
may still want to use the bathroom, or grab a quick snack, or
adjust her outfit, or have a few minutes of alone time before
the guests. I think it's smart not to book hair styling that
close to the event. It sounds like both your niece and your
daughter were disappointed by the way the schedule worked out.
#Post#: 48091--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: March 1, 2020, 5:58 pm
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also, Niece may think that the arrival-time estimate isn't
trustworthy enough for her comfort.
But I can totally get why DD might feel a little disappointed.
#Post#: 48147--------------------------------------------------
Q&A from my DD#2. UPDATE #36
DIR By: jpcher
Date: March 2, 2020, 4:36 pm
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Again, I thank you all for your replies. D#2 and I had a nice
conversation about this.
For #1 DD#2 pretty much said 'While I still think it was a
shitty thing to do, Meh. I'm over it. Niece won't be coming in
any more so it won't be an ongoing problem.'
For #2 DD#2 said "We could have worked things out but she shut
me down right away! I suggested 1/2 hour early but that wasn't
good enough for her."
I asked her "Didn't you say you had plans?" DD#2 said "Yes I did
but I was willing to work with her on time. I mean I could have
left brunch earlier so you and DD#1 could have quality time
together. I thought 1/2 hour was plenty time."
But a suggestion of time as opposed to a firm (what I said in my
OP) "we could probably" is two different things in my book.
What I think DD#2 should have done was ask Niece "What kind of
style are you looking for and when would you like me to be
there?" I think her professionalism slipped a bit here. Probably
due to the prior brunch plans. DD#2 agreed with me.
So I think it came down to miscommunication between the two of
them.
I did tell DD#2 that she should compliment Niece's hair.
DD#2 said, quietly, "Do I gotta?"
I said "Yes. If you think the style is nice then it would be a
polite thing to do. Don't you compliment your stylists work?"
DD#2: "Yea, that's a good point."
So it was a good chat.
#Post#: 48169--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2. UPDATE #36
DIR By: oogyda
Date: March 3, 2020, 7:02 am
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I agree that the issue of DD#2 was primarily a case of
miscommunication. I don't think, however, that she should
compliment niece's hair. That could be seen as trying to bring
up a contentious topic again or somehow "rubbing it in" that
DD#2 wouldn't do her hair. Especially from someone who seems to
be holding some sort of grudge against you and yours.
#Post#: 48175--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2. UPDATE #36
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: March 3, 2020, 8:23 am
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--- Quote from: oogyda link ---
>
> I agree that the issue of DD#2 was primarily a case of
miscommunication. I don't think, however, that she should
compliment niece's hair. That could be seen as trying to bring
up a contentious topic again or somehow "rubbing it in" that
DD#2 wouldn't do her hair. Especially from someone who seems to
be holding some sort of grudge against you and yours.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with this. Your daughter can say "You look
great/wonderful/happy" without bringing up hair. The less said,
the faster it will move on. The cousin may even have forgotten
or moved on about it with the hustle and bustle of a baby
shower. Don't remind her.
#Post#: 48177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2. UPDATE #36
DIR By: Jem
Date: March 3, 2020, 8:29 am
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I am really curious what kind of hairstyle the niece needed
someone else to do for her? For a wedding with an updo I get it,
but I am just trying to imagine what style requiring a stylist
would be appropriate/desired for a baby shower?
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