DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 47765--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: February 22, 2020, 12:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree with Hmm, I think niece has created a narrative to
explain her lack of popularity or a social life in high school.
I wouldn't worry about what the other customers or employees
thought. I know if I'd heard the story, I would have taken it
with a lot of salt, not just a grain. Particularly, if my own
experiences of niece suggested that there were other factors
that may have contributed to her lack of social success.
Personally, I wouldn't apologize unless you hear her say this
first hand. I wouldn't dignify her gossip with a response. IMO,
to let her know that it was repeated back to you gives it more
weight than it deserves and pays off her passive aggressive
communication.
Speaking of passive aggressive communication, her snotty tone
was meant to get DD#2 to acquiesce to her timeline. I suggest
ignoring her tone and PA style each and every time. (But PA
communication is a pet peeve of mine.)
*editing to fix autocorrect errors
#Post#: 47766--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: February 22, 2020, 12:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I wouldn't bring up situation #1 unless niece brings it up to
you herself. Given her feelings/attitude, she may spread word
that DD2 is a gossip and can't be trusted. Yeah, niece was doing
the same thing at the salon, but people are not rational
sometimes.
I wonder if she was just showing off to an audience, or trying
to take DD2 down a peg for owing her own business. Some people
must be the center of attention even if they have to exaggerate
their life stories to make themselves look
better/interesting/heroic/a martyr.
#Post#: 47767--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: surlyrat
Date: February 22, 2020, 1:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think 2 weekends a month sounds like a lot, actually,
especially as a teenager. I don't see what the problem is with
her saying that? Also, she didn't try to change your DD#2's mind
so i don't think she did anything wrong there. Even if her tone
was a bit off, I'd chalk that up to someone she thought was
close saying they could "probably" come half an hour before what
sounds like a fairly important event. It sounds kind of
dismissive, to me.
#Post#: 47768--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: February 22, 2020, 1:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: surlyrat link ---
>
> I think 2 weekends a month sounds like a lot, actually,
especially as a teenager. I don't see what the problem is with
her saying that?
>
--- End Quote ---
The problem was saying it to the clients and coworkers at the
salon. I would feel uncomfortable listening and being addressed
to that way. Of course I go to chains and have never experienced
salons like they show on tv and movies so YMMV.
#Post#: 47769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: February 22, 2020, 1:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: surlyrat link ---
>
> I think 2 weekends a month sounds like a lot, actually,
especially as a teenager. I don't see what the problem is with
her saying that? Also, she didn't try to change your DD#2's mind
so i don't think she did anything wrong there. Even if her tone
was a bit off, I'd chalk that up to someone she thought was
close saying they could "probably" come half an hour before what
sounds like a fairly important event. It sounds kind of
dismissive, to me.
>
--- End Quote ---
I didn't read two weekends a month. I read once or twice a month
for a day trip or an evening out. Maybe 20 hours a month?? I
worked at least 20 hours a week, including weekend shifts, as a
teen and had a busy social life. I think it's common for teens
to manage some responsibilities along side a social life.
#Post#: 47770--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Dazi
Date: February 22, 2020, 1:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: surlyrat link ---
>
> I think 2 weekends a month sounds like a lot, actually,
especially as a teenager. I don't see what the problem is with
her saying that? Also, she didn't try to change your DD#2's mind
so i don't think she did anything wrong there. Even if her tone
was a bit off, I'd chalk that up to someone she thought was
close saying they could "probably" come half an hour before what
sounds like a fairly important event. It sounds kind of
dismissive, to me.
>
--- End Quote ---
Really? I guess this just depends on the person. I babysat just
about every Saturday and 2-3 times a week after school from 3-9
ish PM. I made some seriously great money as a teenager doing
this, plus an extra $15 per hour for the kids I tutored for 1-2
hours while I was there.
#Post#: 47774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: February 22, 2020, 3:15 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It probably depends on how much freedom niece had during that
time. If Saturdays were the only times she was allowed go
socialize, but had to spend half of them babysitting, that's
pretty significant. If her weekday evenings and weekends were
relatively free, a couple of Saturdays doesn't sound too bad.
We just don't know. And it may just be that she resented having
to babysit at all, even if she seemed like she was into it.
#Post#: 47780--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: chigger
Date: February 22, 2020, 4:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: jpcher link ---
>
> I have a couple of etiquette questions from my DD#2. We had a
nice chat last night and both questions concern my Niece.
>
> 1. Niece used to go to DD#2's salon to get her hair done.
Remarked on what a wonderful job, etc. Niece has since moved 1+
hour drive away and doesn't come in any more. Perfectly
understandable.
>
> During the last visit Niece made to DD#2's salon she spoke
loudly and was addressing comments to other clients and stylists
about how she was DD#2 (and DD#1)'s babysitter while she was
growing up. Went on to say how she never had a weekend to
herself because the adults (me, LDH, SIL, BIL) would get
together and depend on her to watch the kids and that's why she
didn't have many friends through her HS years.
>
> WHAT! Not true. I always asked her in advance if she would be
available to watch the DDs. The adults would get together maybe
once or twice a month for a day road trip (motorcycles) or an
evening out.
>
> Okay. I get it. Maybe she was over used as a babysitter. But I
remember the DDs being so excited about spending time with
Niece. Yay! Niece always said "We'll have so much fun!" and was
enthusiastic whenever I asked her to babysit. I paid her well
for her time and always told her how much I appreciated the care
that she gave my DDs.
>
> When DD#2 told me what Niece said to her stylists and
customers I cringed and thought "Wow. Was I an abusive aunt?"
>
> I basically told DD#2 that at least she's not coming into your
shop any more. Just write it off and let it go. I think Niece
was rather rude.
>
> Do you have any thoughts on this situation?
>
>
>
> 2. Niece is having a baby shower coming up in a few weeks.
Niece called DD#2 and asked her if she could do her hair before
the baby shower. DD#2 said that she has plans/reservations with
me and DD#1 for brunch before the shower but we could probably
show up 1/2 hour earlier than the shower starts. DD#2 said
(knowing Niece's hair) that she's confident that 1/2 hour will
be enough time. Plus DD#2 was willing to do Niece's hair for no
charge.
>
> Niece said (according to DD#2 in a snotty type voice) Oh, no,
that won't work. I guess I'll have to find somebody else.
>
> I told DD#2 that Niece can do whatever she wants to do with
her hair, if she wants somebody else? That's no concern of
yours. But DD#2 feels bad that she can't do Niece's hair due to
prior plans. (DD#1, for those that don't know, lives in far away
state and is coming in for just the weekend. So it's not like we
can spend quality time, just the three of us, as a usual thing.)
>
>
>
> I'd really like to know your thoughts on both of these
situations.
>
>
> Thanks in advance.
>
--- End Quote ---
Once or twice a month sitting with your daughters, and she's
going to act like she was there every day? And be so bitchy as
to tell staff and clients that she had no life, because of it ?
Then she gets snotty with your younger daughter because she
can't do her hair (for free!) on Neice's timeline. I would
probably not go to the shower, and just back away. Unless, you
want to keep a relationship with her parents, then I might suck
it up, go to this one event, then have a prior engagement for
all other invitations. Your daughter should not feel bad at all!
#Post#: 47784--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: February 22, 2020, 7:12 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
> [quote author=surlyrat link=topic=1641.msg47767#msg47767
date=1582398012]
> I think 2 weekends a month sounds like a lot, actually,
especially as a teenager. I don't see what the problem is with
her saying that?
>
--- End Quote ---
The problem was saying it to the clients and coworkers at the
salon. I would feel uncomfortable listening and being addressed
to that way. Of course I go to chains and have never experienced
salons like they show on tv and movies so YMMV.
[/quote]
I'm with you on the chains - the one I've been going to lately
is a Japanese franchise that promotes their expedient service.
The stylists barely speak at all and the majority of the other
customers are men. (It's a uni-sex barbershop, I've only seen
one other woman there.)
#Post#: 47788--------------------------------------------------
Re: Q&A from my DD#2
DIR By: surlyrat
Date: February 22, 2020, 10:15 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: chigger link ---
>
> [quote author=jpcher link=topic=1641.msg47727#msg47727
date=1582325998]
> I have a couple of etiquette questions from my DD#2. We had a
nice chat last night and both questions concern my Niece.
>
> 1. Niece used to go to DD#2's salon to get her hair done.
Remarked on what a wonderful job, etc. Niece has since moved 1+
hour drive away and doesn't come in any more. Perfectly
understandable.
>
> During the last visit Niece made to DD#2's salon she spoke
loudly and was addressing comments to other clients and stylists
about how she was DD#2 (and DD#1)'s babysitter while she was
growing up. Went on to say how she never had a weekend to
herself because the adults (me, LDH, SIL, BIL) would get
together and depend on her to watch the kids and that's why she
didn't have many friends through her HS years.
>
> WHAT! Not true. I always asked her in advance if she would be
available to watch the DDs. The adults would get together maybe
once or twice a month for a day road trip (motorcycles) or an
evening out.
>
> Okay. I get it. Maybe she was over used as a babysitter. But I
remember the DDs being so excited about spending time with
Niece. Yay! Niece always said "We'll have so much fun!" and was
enthusiastic whenever I asked her to babysit. I paid her well
for her time and always told her how much I appreciated the care
that she gave my DDs.
>
> When DD#2 told me what Niece said to her stylists and
customers I cringed and thought "Wow. Was I an abusive aunt?"
>
> I basically told DD#2 that at least she's not coming into your
shop any more. Just write it off and let it go. I think Niece
was rather rude.
>
> Do you have any thoughts on this situation?
>
>
>
> 2. Niece is having a baby shower coming up in a few weeks.
Niece called DD#2 and asked her if she could do her hair before
the baby shower. DD#2 said that she has plans/reservations with
me and DD#1 for brunch before the shower but we could probably
show up 1/2 hour earlier than the shower starts. DD#2 said
(knowing Niece's hair) that she's confident that 1/2 hour will
be enough time. Plus DD#2 was willing to do Niece's hair for no
charge.
>
> Niece said (according to DD#2 in a snotty type voice) Oh, no,
that won't work. I guess I'll have to find somebody else.
>
> I told DD#2 that Niece can do whatever she wants to do with
her hair, if she wants somebody else? That's no concern of
yours. But DD#2 feels bad that she can't do Niece's hair due to
prior plans. (DD#1, for those that don't know, lives in far away
state and is coming in for just the weekend. So it's not like we
can spend quality time, just the three of us, as a usual thing.)
>
>
>
> I'd really like to know your thoughts on both of these
situations.
>
>
> Thanks in advance.
>
--- End Quote ---
Once or twice a month sitting with your daughters, and she's
going to act like she was there every day? And be so bitchy as
to tell staff and clients that she had no life, because of it ?
Then she gets snotty with your younger daughter because she
can't do her hair (for free!) on Neice's timeline. I would
probably not go to the shower, and just back away. Unless, you
want to keep a relationship with her parents, then I might suck
it up, go to this one event, then have a prior engagement for
all other invitations. Your daughter should not feel bad at all!
[/quote]
Why do people always advocate for cutting off long term
relationships for a mildly negative interaction?
*****************************************************
Page 2 of 5
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page