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#Post#: 47466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Hmmm Date: February 17, 2020, 10:41 am
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[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1636.msg47439#msg47439
date=1581909337]
I don't know why we didn't think about her having told him when
the video was posted.
I hope that is the case.
Thanks everyone.
[/quote]
Since she is college age, I would not bring it up to the
parents. That is a decision for her to make.
#Post#: 47471--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Aleko Date: February 17, 2020, 11:59 am
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It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring
themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual
abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.
#Post#: 47477--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: TeamBhakta Date: February 17, 2020, 2:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1636.msg47471#msg47471
date=1581962363]
It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring
themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual
abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.
[/quote]
That's not true, I assure you. Especially if you know your older
relatives aren't tech savvy and not likely to think "what can I
go looking for online."
I wanna know why OP's DH had to find the name of Alex's company.
You can't ask Alex personally ? Come on. Call snooping what it
is.
And wanting to run to Alex to point out what a college age woman
shared online ? Are you joking ? An adult doesn't need her
parents' input for that. That sounds more like "We want you to
know she's out there sullying your family's reputation. Do
control her from now on." What if the molester was Alex ? Or
this woman told Alex and her mom "I was assaulted by so and so",
but blamed her or said "Keep it to yourself" ? Your DH isn't a
friend of Alex to begin with and should be ashamed for being so
nosy. Tell him to knock it off. It's disgusting and creepy.
#Post#: 47478--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Dazi Date: February 17, 2020, 2:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree that is not the parents' business. Who a sexual assault
victim chooses to tell their story to is not anyone else's
business. You have no idea if her perpetrator was Alex, another
male family member, someone she thought was a friend, or a
complete stranger.
I've known many women and some men who would rather talk to
strangers about their experience and would be mortified about
telling their parents.
#Post#: 47482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: sandisadie Date: February 17, 2020, 3:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
If someone is telling their story of sexual assault on social
media then aren't they unconcerned about who finds out about it?
I agree with others, though, you or your husband shouldn't be
telling this young woman's parents about what you found online
IMO.
#Post#: 47622--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Tea Drinker Date: February 20, 2020, 7:50 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=1636.msg47482#msg47482
date=1581974915]
If someone is telling their story of sexual assault on social
media then aren't they unconcerned about who finds out about it?
I agree with others, though, you or your husband shouldn't be
telling this young woman's parents about what you found online
IMO.
[/quote]
Someone might accept "my parents may come across this" and still
not like the idea "someone I don't know might email my parents
because they are concerned about me and want to be sure that my
parents know about this." (At that age, the young woman may have
a vague "yeah, you look vaguely familiar" about a friend of her
parents, while the friend thinks of he as "Alex's daughter
Iolanthe, she was in the marching band").
Or the parent might know that his child was assaulted and have
talked with her about what happened, but not want to have the
"did you know your daughter had been sexually assaulted? Is she
okay? Are you okay?" conversation even if he is absolutely sure
it won't include "what happened?" or any overtones of blame. Or
the parent might be aware of what happened, but unhappy that his
daughter made that video and put it on YouTube for some other
reason. Even if neither you nor Hanna's husband would blame
either Alex or his daughter for the assault, he doesn't know
that, because a lot of people will say victim-blaming things in
this context.
#Post#: 47624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Jem Date: February 20, 2020, 8:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Tea Drinker link=topic=1636.msg47622#msg47622
date=1582206645]
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=1636.msg47482#msg47482
date=1581974915]
If someone is telling their story of sexual assault on social
media then aren't they unconcerned about who finds out about it?
I agree with others, though, you or your husband shouldn't be
telling this young woman's parents about what you found online
IMO.
[/quote]
Someone might accept "my parents may come across this" and still
not like the idea "someone I don't know might email my parents
because they are concerned about me and want to be sure that my
parents know about this." (At that age, the young woman may have
a vague "yeah, you look vaguely familiar" about a friend of her
parents, while the friend thinks of he as "Alex's daughter
Iolanthe, she was in the marching band").
Or the parent might know that his child was assaulted and have
talked with her about what happened, but not want to have the
"did you know your daughter had been sexually assaulted? Is she
okay? Are you okay?" conversation even if he is absolutely sure
it won't include "what happened?" or any overtones of blame. Or
the parent might be aware of what happened, but unhappy that his
daughter made that video and put it on YouTube for some other
reason. Even if neither you nor Hanna's husband would blame
either Alex or his daughter for the assault, he doesn't know
that, because a lot of people will say victim-blaming things in
this context.
[/quote]
Agreed. Also, there is a certain "gawk at the train wreck"
element, even though I trust that the OP and her husband are not
thinking that way. There have been times in my life when awful
things have happened, and people come out of the woodwork "to be
supportive" but since they had essentially ignored me prior to
whatever "excitement" it came across as more like a tabloid
interest to get salacious details. Maybe they had pure intent
(the people I am referring to, not the OP and her DH), but it
didn't come across that way to me.
#Post#: 47627--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: chigger Date: February 20, 2020, 9:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TeamBhakta link=topic=1636.msg47477#msg47477
date=1581970684]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1636.msg47471#msg47471
date=1581962363]
It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring
themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual
abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.
[/quote]
That's not true, I assure you. Especially if you know your older
relatives aren't tech savvy and not likely to think "what can I
go looking for online."
I wanna know why OP's DH had to find the name of Alex's company.
You can't ask Alex personally ? Come on. Call snooping what it
is.
And wanting to run to Alex to point out what a college age woman
shared online ? Are you joking ? An adult doesn't need her
parents' input for that. That sounds more like "We want you to
know she's out there sullying your family's reputation. Do
control her from now on." What if the molester was Alex ? Or
this woman told Alex and her mom "I was assaulted by so and so",
but blamed her or said "Keep it to yourself" ? Your DH isn't a
friend of Alex to begin with and should be ashamed for being so
nosy. Tell him to knock it off. It's disgusting and creepy.
[/quote]
OP clearly states that she and her husband both agree that it is
not their business to pass on! They were not "wanting to run to
Alex"!
#Post#: 47628--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: Hmmm Date: February 20, 2020, 10:31 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=chigger link=topic=1636.msg47627#msg47627
date=1582214085]
[quote author=TeamBhakta link=topic=1636.msg47477#msg47477
date=1581970684]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1636.msg47471#msg47471
date=1581962363]
It's my feeling that anyone who hadn't been able to bring
themself to tell their parents about an experience of sexual
abuse wouldn't tell the world about it on Youtube.
[/quote]
That's not true, I assure you. Especially if you know your older
relatives aren't tech savvy and not likely to think "what can I
go looking for online."
I wanna know why OP's DH had to find the name of Alex's company.
You can't ask Alex personally ? Come on. Call snooping what it
is.
And wanting to run to Alex to point out what a college age woman
shared online ? Are you joking ? An adult doesn't need her
parents' input for that. That sounds more like "We want you to
know she's out there sullying your family's reputation. Do
control her from now on." What if the molester was Alex ? Or
this woman told Alex and her mom "I was assaulted by so and so",
but blamed her or said "Keep it to yourself" ? Your DH isn't a
friend of Alex to begin with and should be ashamed for being so
nosy. Tell him to knock it off. It's disgusting and creepy.
[/quote]
OP clearly states that she and her husband both agree that it is
not their business to pass on! They were not "wanting to run to
Alex"!
[/quote]
Also, there could be a number of reasons why you might google
something versus calling someone. Sometimes it is just more
convenient. Especially if it is someone I know from a
professional capacity.
Scenario 1:
Co-worker: Didn't you used to work with Alex Smith? Do you know
who he is with now?
Me: Shoot, I can't remember which firm he's with, let me check.
Scenario 2:
Spouse: Jenny said her son is looking for a job in international
tax law. Isn't that Alex's specialty. Who does he work for now?
Me: I can't remember, let me check.
Scenario 3:
I need to supply 3 professional references for a job
application. I've got Alex's phone number but I can't remember
if his company's name is Inc or Corp
Just because you've never had the need, doesn't mean others
haven't had legitimate reasons to google a friends name. I
google my friends all the time to get their addresses.
#Post#: 47631--------------------------------------------------
Re: Trigger warning sexual assault - Accidentally found info onl
ine
By: TeamBhakta Date: February 20, 2020, 12:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]
Just because you've never had the need, doesn't mean others
haven't had legitimate reasons to google a friends name. I
google my friends all the time to get their addresses.
[/quote]
I never said I haven't. The difference is I don't think about
telling someone "While I was googling you [for legit reasons or
snooping], guess what I found about a third person close to
you."
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