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#Post#: 47540--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: TootsNYC Date: February 18, 2020, 11:26 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1634.msg47386#msg47386
date=1581787777]
Please don't! They really don't want to know! And the truth is
that they haven't actually asked you to tell them these things.
[/quote]
I get that, truly I do. But I also think that the people who are
throwing violinp are probably the ones who ask in a tone that
implies they DO expect an answer.
But of course, they really only want one answer, which is not a
REAL answer.
And I am increasingly uncomfortable with personalizing every
interaction, so the Happy Valentine's Day would be annoying.
I wouldn't be offended, I'd just be annoyed.
But I think if you work in the customer service field, this is
just one of those things you need to actively plan for how to
handle.
I think when someone in a non-social situation says, "How are
you?" you have no obligation to ask "and how are you?" in
return. I'm w/ the idea of saying, "I'm fine; how can I help you
today?" And make it all one sentence, with no break for them to
interject anything.
And if they say "happy holiday" (whichever it is), say, "And to
you--how may I help you?"
Again, no break.
If they get on a rant, take the first gap to say, "Yes, well,
how can I help you today?"
#Post#: 47547--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Jem Date: February 18, 2020, 1:01 pm
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[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1634.msg47480#msg47480
date=1581974227]
...but be assured that these pleasantries are normal and typical
for a business interaction. I'll suggest that you think of them
not as solely "social" pleasantries but as "human" pleasantries.
When humans are talking, socially or professionally, these are
reasonable interactions.
[/quote]
I don't disagree, but I don't think there is anything wrong or
rude about NOT doing the social or "human" pleasantries. When I
am working with someone I know, I actually care and may ask how
they are, how their vacation was, whether their kid won the
soccer tournament. For a one-time business interaction, it's
just words, though, and not ACTUAL interest, so I prefer to not
do that dance. I'm not rude, I just don't feel the need to
prolong a simple business transaction with fluff that means
nothing.
I've shared before about the person at the convenience store who
INSISTED on calling after me over and over using my actual name,
which he learned from my credit card. He didn't come across as
being "pleasant." He came across as rude. I would have preferred
he simply ring out my purchase so we both could go ahead with
our days.
#Post#: 47551--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Hmmm Date: February 18, 2020, 1:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1634.msg47540#msg47540
date=1582046809]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1634.msg47386#msg47386
date=1581787777]
Please don't! They really don't want to know! And the truth is
that they haven't actually asked you to tell them these things.
[/quote]
I get that, truly I do. But I also think that the people who are
throwing violinp are probably the ones who ask in a tone that
implies they DO expect an answer.
But of course, they really only want one answer, which is not a
REAL answer.
And I am increasingly uncomfortable with personalizing every
interaction, so the Happy Valentine's Day would be annoying.[/b]
I wouldn't be offended, I'd just be annoyed.
But I think if you work in the customer service field, this is
just one of those things you need to actively plan for how to
handle.
I think when someone in a non-social situation says, "How are
you?" you have no obligation to ask "and how are you?" in
return. I'm w/ the idea of saying, "I'm fine; how can I help you
today?" And make it all one sentence, with no break for them to
interject anything.
And if they say "happy holiday" (whichever it is), say, "And to
you--how may I help you?"
Again, no break.
If they get on a rant, take the first gap to say, "Yes, well,
how can I help you today?"
[/quote]
I'm really curious by your statement because I know you usually
have a good reason behind your comments.
If we are speaking to a person, why wouldn't we want to
personalize the interaction? I'm not saying create a fake
friendship or ask intrusive questions. But a "Happy New Year" or
"Happy Valentines Day" or "Happy Fourth" just seems so generic.
Sure, you might run across someone who is going through a hard
time and not been in a mood for a happy anything. But you might
also be run into someone who appreciates being addressed as a
human.
I just hate for the standard interaction to become less personal
because 1 in 5 people are jolted if someone offers a pretty
standard greeting. If it was the norm in our lives, the amount
of people who are jolted by this type of greeting would be
reduced.
#Post#: 47552--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: NFPwife Date: February 18, 2020, 1:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1634.msg47547#msg47547
date=1582052468]
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1634.msg47480#msg47480
date=1581974227]
...but be assured that these pleasantries are normal and typical
for a business interaction. I'll suggest that you think of them
not as solely "social" pleasantries but as "human" pleasantries.
When humans are talking, socially or professionally, these are
reasonable interactions.
[/quote]
I don't disagree, but I don't think there is anything wrong or
rude about NOT doing the social or "human" pleasantries. When I
am working with someone I know, I actually care and may ask how
they are, how their vacation was, whether their kid won the
soccer tournament. For a one-time business interaction, it's
just words, though, and not ACTUAL interest, so I prefer to not
do that dance. I'm not rude, I just don't feel the need to
prolong a simple business transaction with fluff that means
nothing.
I've shared before about the person at the convenience store who
INSISTED on calling after me over and over using my actual name,
which he learned from my credit card. He didn't come across as
being "pleasant." He came across as rude. I would have preferred
he simply ring out my purchase so we both could go ahead with
our days.
[/quote]
I didn't say it's wrong or rude not to do it, and when you're on
the "initiation" end of the business transaction you can choose
not to include pleasantries. My point is that when the OP is
working in customer service, especially for an employer who has
prioritized having a person answer calls that are typically
handled in an automated way (at least at any cinema I've called
in the past 20+ years), that the OP should not be surprised when
a customer engages in this type of interaction.
The cashier calling after you with your name is weird. The other
day I had a problem with a flight itinerary. The rep was cynical
and a bit rude. I was walking away and he wanted to call me back
and he called out my first name. I was annoyed that he used my
first name after we'd had a bit of a problematic interaction. He
handed me a $20 voucher for food, which was nice, but he'd,
overall, been a pill. (And I had to call the airline I'd
originally booked with to get credit for the miles for the
flight. This was a codeshare situation and he didn't put my
original information in and really hosed things up. He was the
gift that kept on giving. ::) )
#Post#: 47553--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Gellchom Date: February 18, 2020, 2:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1634.msg47547#msg47547
date=1582052468]For a one-time business interaction, it's just
words, though, and not ACTUAL interest, so I prefer to not do
that dance. I'm not rude, I just don't feel the need to prolong
a simple business transaction with fluff that means nothing.
[/quote]
I don't know that I would call social lubricant that serves to
recognize that the other person is not a slave or a machine
"fluff that means nothing." But rationally, what you say makes
perfect sense, and certainly you are entitled to your preference
not to prolong interactions.
However, where social conventions are concerned, rationality
doesn't settle the issue (that's kind of the whole point of
conventions; they avoid case by case rational or merit
decisions). That does NOT mean that you are always rude if you
don't say "How are you?" or answer "Fine, thanks," if asked.
But occasionally, depending on circumstances, you (general you)
might be, no matter what you prefer and what your reasoning is.
It's like, some people have perfectly rational reasons for not
liking shaking hands -- religious, health, etc. But the social
convention in the US is that it is extremely rude, even hostile,
to refuse to shake an offered hand. So if for some reason you
simply cannot, you need to compensate in some way, so it's clear
that you are not rejecting the social interaction, just the
physical act. One man I thought was very gracious puts his hand
over his heart instead, smiles regretfully, and says, "For
religious reasons, I can't shake hands, but I'm very happy to
meet you." Similarly, "Sorry, I need to be extra careful during
flu season" or "Sorry, I have bad arthritis in my hand that
prevents my shaking hands" and the like (some people bump elbows
instead). But if you refuse to shake an offered hand only
because you just don't like it, and you don't apologize and
offer a plausible excuse like "I've been around kids who have
colds; I don't want to infect you," that's very rude.
In my opinion, the same sometimes holds true, albeit at a much
lower level, for social greetings, such as in a situation like
this:
Store clerk: "Hi, how are you?"
Customer: "Does this come in red?"
To me, that is a little rude and disrespectful, because it
ignores the human gesture the clerk made and speaks only to how
the customer wants the clerk to serve them.
"Fine, thanks. Does this come in red?" takes only a split
second longer.
#Post#: 47554--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Jem Date: February 18, 2020, 3:29 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1634.msg47553#msg47553
date=1582059389]
Store clerk: "Hi, how are you?"
Customer: "Does this come in red?"
To me, that is a little rude and disrespectful, because it
ignores the human gesture the clerk made and speaks only to how
the customer wants the clerk to serve them.
"Fine, thanks. Does this come in red?" takes only a split
second longer.
[/quote]
I would think it would make more sense to be polite and genuine.
Store clerk: "Hi, can I help you find something?"
Customer: "Thanks - does this come in red?"
I'm not saying I don't respond "fine, thanks" when someone I
don't know and will never see again asks how I am. I am saying I
find it just fluff because the person really doesn't want a
response, and I don't really want to give one either. I simply
prefer to keep business transactions as business. Polite, but
not pretending it is a social interaction.
#Post#: 47561--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Hmmm Date: February 18, 2020, 4:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1634.msg47547#msg47547
date=1582052468]
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1634.msg47480#msg47480
date=1581974227]
...but be assured that these pleasantries are normal and typical
for a business interaction. I'll suggest that you think of them
not as solely "social" pleasantries but as "human" pleasantries.
When humans are talking, socially or professionally, these are
reasonable interactions.
[/quote]
I don't disagree, but I don't think there is anything wrong or
rude about NOT doing the social or "human" pleasantries. When I
am working with someone I know, I actually care and may ask how
they are, how their vacation was, whether their kid won the
soccer tournament. For a one-time business interaction, it's
just words, though, and not ACTUAL interest, so I prefer to not
do that dance. I'm not rude, I just don't feel the need to
prolong a simple business transaction with fluff that means
nothing.
I've shared before about the person at the convenience store who
INSISTED on calling after me over and over using my actual name,
which he learned from my credit card. He didn't come across as
being "pleasant." He came across as rude. I would have preferred
he simply ring out my purchase so we both could go ahead with
our days.
[/quote]
I guess I don't see it as fluff that means nothing. I think I've
shared this before which is maybe what colors my opinions. For
the last 20 years, I've worked for a large multi-country
corporation. I can go months primarily dealing with US bases
staffed and then there's been years where I primarily work with
people in other countries. I realized that I can across as brusk
when working with non-US. It was common for me to send an
instant message with not "Hi, Tim" and wait for a response but
instead I'd send "Tim, when can you send me your update" or even
just "please send the update by end of day." In meetings in
other countries, I'd expect everyone to come in say good morning
and then and get right to business. Not the pleasantries that
was their costume. Because I've spent the last 15 years really
working on creating a more polite workspace, I feel I shouldn't
stop there but observe "human pleasantries" with all humans I
encounter. It takes 30 seconds of my time and theirs.
I have found in my work, that taking the pause to truly greet
another co-worker actually reduces my stress level and makes my
work day more pleasant. It takes my mind of the specific work
item for just a moment. But that moment is like taking a deep
breathe and saying breath to myself.
I don't see the experience with the convenience store worker
related to what was being discussed in this thread. That is
strange behavior and creating a false sense of intimacy.
#Post#: 47568--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Gellchom Date: February 18, 2020, 8:59 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
At the supermarket today, I told the checker and the bagger is
been discussing this and asked if they dislike it or find it
intrusive or phony when customers say “how are you?” They said,
“No, of course not, I like it” — they were both surprised by the
question, in fact. But I think that that’s a function of
regional custom; it’s just very common here.
So there it is, I think — it’s a social convention, which means
it’s not to be taken literally. Hmmm’s extremely interesting
last post about her experiences with other cultures illustrates
that very well.
#Post#: 47570--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: SioCat Date: February 18, 2020, 9:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1634.msg47568#msg47568
date=1582081162]
At the supermarket today, I told the checker and the bagger is
been discussing this and asked if they dislike it or find it
intrusive or phony when customers say “how are you?” They said,
“No, of course not, I like it” — they were both surprised by the
question, in fact. But I think that that’s a function of
regional custom; it’s just very common here.
So there it is, I think — it’s a social convention, which means
it’s not to be taken literally. Hmmm’s extremely interesting
last post about her experiences with other cultures illustrates
that very well.
[/quote]
To be fair, if one of my clients asked me this, I would probably
say the same thing. I definitely wouldn’t tell them the truth
and risk upsetting the client. I can voice my opinion here
because it’s private and likely won’t affect my business.
#Post#: 47575--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: collakat Date: February 19, 2020, 2:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In African culture it is considered rude not to properly greet
first and ask the other person how they are.
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