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#Post#: 47365--------------------------------------------------
Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: violinp Date: February 14, 2020, 5:10 pm
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So, part of my job involves answering the phone and helping
people over the phone with buying tickets for movies, explaining
how our theater works with all the dine - in and what not,
explaining movie plots...you name it, I've probably been asked
to help with it.
But. It always throws me off when the person who has called me
asks me "How are you doing today, violinp?" (I have to give my
name when they call) To me, it feels super - intrusive, and is
not relevant to anything in this interaction. It's business, and
the guest isn't supposed to care about me. Yes, I know we're all
people and we're supposed to care about each other (and if I
were on the guest side of things, I would go out of my way to be
polite and such to an employee of such an establishment).
However, it feels weird for them to even ask, because of the
aforementioned non-relevancy and because it stops me in my
tracks and messes up my flow of where I'm going - I try not to
have emotion involved when I'm at work, because that's not the
point of work.
It was super jarring today, when this happened:
*phone rings*
Me: (Welcome spiel)
Male Guest: Hi, violinp! How are you today?
Me: Oh...fine. What can I -
MG: Happy Valentine's Day!
Me: *freezes for a second* Okay...thank you...
MG: Oh, did I offend you?
To be honest, I wanted to say "Yes! You did! That was super
weird to do to a stranger!" But of course, I didn't want him to
be upset or possibly feel bad, so I told him it was fine...and
then he went on a tangent about how you never know how to greet
someone these days, especially with the Merry Christmas/Happy
Holidays thing...and I was just standing there feeling really
awkward, trying to get back to the actual point of his call.
We eventually did, but it was so awkward and...it's not that I
think these people are rude necessarily, but it feels
really...off? To be this chummy with an employee you've never
met and don't have a pleasant business repartee with (I have
regulars who I like and will joke with in person).
Am I wrong? Are these people the normal ones? Or are they being
over - friendly to the point of awkwardness?
#Post#: 47367--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Jem Date: February 14, 2020, 5:21 pm
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I totally get what you mean, but I doubt it is productive to
push back negatively. Just respond with “I’m fine, thanks. How
can I help you?” Or “Happy Valentine’s. Our movie times are 1:00
and 3:00 - which tickets would you like?”
Feeling offended is natural in this circumstance, but acting on
it isn’t likely to bring anything good to your life short term
or long term.
#Post#: 47368--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Victoria Date: February 14, 2020, 6:44 pm
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I don't think that you're wrong to have preferences, but I do
think that it would be unreasonable to expect that no one greet
you by asking how you are.
Bear in mind that "How are you?" is not often meant as an actual
question that requires a substantive answer, just an
acknowledgement that you're a person and not a robot they're
going to bark directions at. So "Fine, thank you" would be an
appropriate answer regardless of how you're actually doing.
Saying "Happy Valentine's Day" is just another way to briefly
connect at a surface level, and requires nothing further than
"Thank you" or "You too." (And it's not reserved for romance-my
office gives out candy, and there are tons of Valentine cards
for family members and friends available).
As Jem said, the most productive thing to do is lightly
acknowledge what they've said and then move forward, rather than
taking the questions as an invitation or direction to have a
deeper conversation.
#Post#: 47370--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Isisnin Date: February 14, 2020, 7:29 pm
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When you work providing a service, no it is not weird. Such
questions and social pleasantries are commonplace.
Just respond with "well", "good", or "fine". But you should you
respond with a "how are you?" also. Otherwise, the customer
might think you are rude and possibly complain to management.
When you ask "How are you?", if they respond positively and
don't get to what they want but seem to be waiting for you to
respond, respond with "Good to hear. How can I help you?"
If they respond negatively (e.g. "tired" "been better"), say
"Sorry to hear that. How can I help with our services?". or
"Sorry to hear that. Perhaps seeing one of our movies will help.
Which are you interested in?"
Some holiday greetings are frustrating to me too. Like for
mother's or father's day. Some people will ask if I'm a parent
or if my parents are alive. No good way to handle such
intrusions. Just answer briefly and move on.
But a lot of others', just respond in kind. "Happy st Patricks
Day" "Happy 4th"
In short, in all such social pleasantries, respond briefly and
move on.
#Post#: 47376--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: caroled Date: February 15, 2020, 1:54 am
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You know how people will respond "Fine!" when asked how they are
(even if their world is crumbling around them?)People tend to
respond in the positive because they feel that they don't want
to share the truth and quite frankly that the other person
really doesn't want to hear the truth. Look at the first part of
the question, "How are you?" as just another part of the
equation. Just an act of pleasantries.
#Post#: 47379--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Rose Red Date: February 15, 2020, 6:07 am
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I get it. I really do. As a former CS rep, I just want to answer
questions and get through the line of customers. But just as CS
reps want to be treated as human beings and not soulless robots,
so do customers. Small talk should be taught in any situation in
life. Asking and answering the "how are you" question and
talking about holidays are basic. Mentally prepare for these two
topics will make the customer feel comfortable and the call more
pleasant.
For example, I would be surprised by being wished a Happy
Valentine's Day but would recover by cheerily laughing and say
"Thank you! Happy Valentine's Day to you too!" and move on. The
customer will probably forget the conversation in five minutes,
but they might stew if they were made to feel awkward and either
complain or take their business elsewhere.
I have also surprised CS reps by asking how they are, which I
find sad. Is that so rare? Happily most of the time, their tone
changed to a warmer one; you can just feel them relax and they
go out of their way to help. But I still remember those who
acted like I'm bothering them and it's not a good feeling.
There's a reason why CS jobs have such high turnovers. Customer
service is a difficult skill and some people are natural and
some have to fake it till they make it.
#Post#: 47382--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: violinp Date: February 15, 2020, 9:32 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1634.msg47379#msg47379
date=1581768421]
I get it. I really do. As a former CS rep, I just want to answer
questions and get through the line of customers. But just as CS
reps want to be treated as human beings and not soulless robots,
so do customers. Small talk should be taught in any situation in
life. Asking and answering the "how are you" question and
talking about holidays are basic. Mentally prepare for these two
topics will make the customer feel comfortable and the call more
pleasant.
For example, I would be surprised by being wished a Happy
Valentine's Day but would recover by cheerily laughing and say
"Thank you! Happy Valentine's Day to you too!" and move on. The
customer will probably forget the conversation in five minutes,
but they might stew if they were made to feel awkward and either
complain or take their business elsewhere.
I have also surprised CS reps by asking how they are, which I
find sad. Is that so rare? Happily most of the time, their tone
changed to a warmer one; you can just feel them relax and they
go out of their way to help. But I still remember those who
acted like I'm bothering them and it's not a good feeling.
There's a reason why CS jobs have such high turnovers. Customer
service is a difficult skill and some people are natural and
some have to fake it till they make it.
[/quote]
I guess the reason I feel uncomfortable is...well, I just don't
know them. I'm on the phone with them - I usually never see them
in person unless they're a morning regular - and I just...it
feels weird for them to care if I'm doing okay. I'm not going to
tell a stranger calling my work that I'm dealing with being
tired and having morning sickness, because then they'd feel
super awkward and also that's making the phone call about me,
when the point of the call is that they have an issue or
question that they need help with. *I'm* not the focus, *they*
are.
If it's a regular who I see in person, I'm more willing to open
up because then we have more of a relationship - a removed,
business relationship, but still a relationship.
Also, I didn't want to say this and make it the focus and not
whether I'm weird...but almost all of the people asking how I am
are men, and I'm a woman. It feels really invasive for a man I
don't know and have never seen to ask me how I am when the
reason they're calling isn't of a personal nature. I know they
aren't being creepy; I'm sure they're doing that because they
don't want to come off as being a jerk who sees me as nothing
more than a cog. But it just feels weird that they're trying to
care about a stranger on the phone, imo.
Also probably factoring into this is that I'm on the spectrum,
and I'm trying to figure out if I'm a bad person for feeling
weirded out and this is a rule that I just have to accept in
life that the guest and I are both giving social lubricant to a
conversation that's purely a business transaction, or they are
just being weird for expecting me to tell them how my day is
going and how I'm feeling. Given the overwhelming responses, I'm
going to assume it's the former.
#Post#: 47386--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Aleko Date: February 15, 2020, 11:29 am
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[quote]I guess the reason I feel uncomfortable is...well, I just
don't know them. I'm on the phone with them - I usually never
see them in person unless they're a morning regular - and I
just...it feels weird for them to care if I'm doing okay. I'm
not going to tell a stranger calling my work that I'm dealing
with being tired and having morning sickness . . .[/quote]
Please don't! They really don't want to know! And the truth is
that they haven't actually asked you to tell them these things.
'How are you?' in English-speaking society isn't a request for
personal information at all; it's a stereotyped expression of
non-hostile intent, calling for one of a range of stereotyped
replies such as 'Very well, thank you', 'I'm OK', 'Mustn't
grumble', 'Still alive!', 'Fine thanks!' et cetera. These people
aren't 'trying to care about a stranger on the phone', and would
be thoroughly taken aback if you told them your troubles as
though you thought they did; they're just trying to signal 'I'm
a human being talking to another human being'.
Personally I would find it odd to have a total stranger wish me
a 'Happy Valentine's Day'. Even now that the cards-and-chocolate
manufacturers have succeeded in imposing the notion that it
involves every kind of affection in addition to the romantic
(which for centuries it only was), it's still about personal,
individual affection; it's not a communal holiday in the way
that religious, civic and national holidays are. But I would put
it down to lack of social sense, unless there was anything else
about him that I found creepy.
#Post#: 47387--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: betty Date: February 15, 2020, 12:20 pm
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I don't think it's out of the question for the customer to want
to exchange pleasantries before getting to business. I often say
that sort of thing. It feels rude to me to jump right in to
business without acknowledging that I'm speaking to another
person.
Of course I'm not trying to get personal information from the
person I'm speaking to, and I won't share personal information
either. But "Hello! How are you today! (or) Have a great
(weekend, evening, whatever holiday it might be)!" and a reply
of "Hi! I'm fine, thanks. (or) You, too." doesn't seem too
awkward or intrusive to me.
And yes, if you tell me your name, I might use it back to you.
("Thanks for your help, Carol.") It helps me remember it and
again, acknowledges the person on the other side of the phone
line is an individual person.
#Post#: 47388--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is This Weird? - Pleasantries in Phone Calls at Work
By: Gellchom Date: February 15, 2020, 1:21 pm
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You have it right: it’s just social lubricant in a business
conversation. “How are you today?” is no more a request for
health information than “Dear Sir” and “Yours truly” in the
salutation and closing of a letter are declarations of fondness
and loyalty. They are all simply social conventions to make
interactions gracious. I like very much how Victoria put it,
especially the bolded:
[quote author=Victoria link=topic=1634.msg47368#msg47368
date=1581727460]
Bear in mind that "How are you?" is not often meant as an actual
question that requires a substantive answer, just an
acknowledgement that you're a person and not a robot they're
going to bark directions at.
[/quote]
Same for “Happy Valentine’s Day” or “have a good weekend” and
the like. In my midwestern city, that is very common, and even
to do more than that.
I always sympathize with hosts of radio call in shows. Very
often, callers start by asking the hosts how they are or saying
something like, “Hey, how’s it going?“ as if they were making a
social phone call. I noticed the hosts simply say, “Fine,
thanks, what would you like to ask Guest?“ or something like
that, although I am sure they are rolling their eyes!
Of course, individuals, and different cultures, have different
preferences and conventions about how much is too little or too
much. It can be tricky not to be seen as being either too curt
or too intrusive or beating around the bush.
It helps to remember that it’s just social convention and roll
with it. Maybe it would help if you sort of internally
translated it into Victoria’s wording, as if they were saying,
“You’re a human being, not a robot.” That’s something that is
easy to say “thank you” to.
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