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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 47342--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: lowspark Date: February 14, 2020, 11:36 am
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1631.msg47338#msg47338
date=1581697282]
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1631.msg47334#msg47334
date=1581693774]
... Assuming the story is true, the BM should have just let
the bride know that she wouldn't be able to serve after all, and
THEN canceled the dress. ...
[/quote]
I suspect that what she intended to do was find out if she could
cancel on the dress and if she had been allowed to she would
have immediately backed out of being a part of the bridal party
altogether, but if she couldn't (as it turned out), she could
have informed the bride that though she'd still be happy to
stand up with her if that was what the bride wanted, she simply
did not have time off work or the money to come even close to
what the bride seemed to be expecting.
[/quote]
Ok. I get that. And you're probably right. But these two women
are good enough friends for the one to be asking the other to be
in her wedding. So in her place, I'd want to give the bride the
benefit of the doubt and go ahead and let her know my thoughts
before making the move to exit. Yeah, chances are it's not going
to matter. But you never know. And I always want to feel like
I've done the right thing even if others don't.
For me, the right thing is to approach the bride and let her
know that I can't meet the expectations, let her know what I can
do, and then let her decide if she would prefer I withdraw.
Then, I call to cancel the dress if appropriate.
There's just too much chance of miscommunication there with the
shop... call to ask if I can cancel, they say yes, cancel, and
then I stay in the wedding.... I dunno. I just wouldn't get the
shop involved until I'm sure what I want to do. I mean, I
totally get why she did it that way, just saying it wasn't (IMO)
the best way.
The shop has definitely demonstrated a lack of awareness of how
to deal with their customers!
#Post#: 47356--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: Twik Date: February 14, 2020, 3:27 pm
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On general principles, other people can't spend your money or
order you to spend it.
Yes, bowing out of an outrageously expensive bachelorette may
end the friendship. But seriously, if a friend wants to
impoverish you for her entertainment, do you really want to have
them as a friend?
This story *could* be true, although it's testing the limits. It
seems some people have bought into the "champagne dreams" of the
very wealthy that they see in the media, even when they aren't
in that economic level.
#Post#: 47412--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: katiekat2009 Date: February 16, 2020, 8:48 am
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I was in a similar situation as a income-challenged, young,
newly married person. My sister and my best friends had their
weddings a day apart. I, regretfully, due to cost and
overlapping activities, had to say I couldn't be in my best
friend's wedding. She pretty much wrote me off after that.
#Post#: 47468--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: BeagleMommy Date: February 17, 2020, 11:34 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1631.msg47334#msg47334
date=1581693774]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1631.msg47302#msg47302
date=1581645481]
I kind of stopped believing this at the part about the bride
telling the bridesmaids that they must each buy her a separate
gift from her registry.
[/quote]
Yeah. The story is too over the top.
But in any case, no matter what the bride "demands", the
bridesmaids do not HAVE to comply. Don't want to do the trip?
Just say so and bow out. Don't want to spend $$$ on a gift? Buy
what you want. What is the bride going to do?
Assuming the story is true, the BM should have just let the
bride know that she wouldn't be able to serve after all, and
THEN canceled the dress. Not having done that, she should of
course admit it was her. All the people in the story are acting
like 5-year olds.
What did the DJs advise?
[/quote]
The general consensus from the DJs and the listening audience
was for the BM to come clean to the bride and let the chips fall
where they may.
#Post#: 47497--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: Lkdrymom Date: February 17, 2020, 5:17 pm
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I don't think there was anything wrong with the store calling
the bride.....usually bridesmaid dresses are tied to a bridal
party. When I was getting married I told my bridesmaids that my
mother could do the alterations to save them money. My mother
had to practically rebuild the maid of honors dress. One of my
other maids said her dress fit perfectly. I asked to see it but
she kept making excuses. A week before the wedding the store
called and asked why this bridesmaid never picked up her dress.
She had been lying to me all the time. She did pick it up and it
looked terrible on her as it was not fitted properly at all.
The caller should have been upfront with the bride that she
could not afford to go on the trip. As far as gifts, she is not
required to buy anything on the registry. If the bride decided
to drop her maybe she would only be out the deposit on the
dress.
#Post#: 48040--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: LifeOnPluto Date: February 28, 2020, 10:08 pm
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[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=1631.msg47497#msg47497
date=1581981463]
I don't think there was anything wrong with the store calling
the bride.....usually bridesmaid dresses are tied to a bridal
party. When I was getting married I told my bridesmaids that my
mother could do the alterations to save them money. My mother
had to practically rebuild the maid of honors dress. One of my
other maids said her dress fit perfectly. I asked to see it but
she kept making excuses. A week before the wedding the store
called and asked why this bridesmaid never picked up her dress.
She had been lying to me all the time. She did pick it up and it
looked terrible on her as it was not fitted properly at all.
[/quote]
I wonder who paid for the bridesmaid's dress? If it was the BM,
then it was a transaction strictly between the BM and the store
- and the store had no right whatsoever to phone the bride and
tell her.
If the bride was paying for the dresses, it's a bit more
acceptable - I can picture the story calling her to confirm that
that particular order was to be cancelled.
Either way, I think the BM's decision to try to cancel the dress
first (before speaking to the bride) may at best have been
slightly hurtful, but it pales in comparison to the bride's
greediness and tackiness (who the heck dictates that there can
be no group gifts?!).
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