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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 47284--------------------------------------------------
Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: BeagleMommy Date: February 13, 2020, 3:21 pm
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Local DJs have "Email Wednesday" where they ask listeners to
help with a problem emailed to them. Here was this week's:
Woman agrees to be a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding. She
orders the gown.
Bride announces that the bachelorette party will be a 5-day trip
to Houston, Texas (we are in Pennsylvania) and that she has
registered at a super expensive home furnishing store. Oh, and
there will be no group gifts. She expects each bridesmaid to
get an individual gift from her registry.
Emailer is realizing this is becoming more than she can afford
so she calls the bridal shop to cancel the order for the gown.
Bridal shop owner tells her it is too late. Owner then calls
the bride to tell her one of her bridesmaids tried to cancel the
order. Bride is now furious and posts to Facebook demanding to
know who tried to cancel their gown.
Emailer wanted to know if she should come clean or stay silent.
#Post#: 47286--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: GardenGal Date: February 13, 2020, 3:41 pm
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Wow, that bride isn't expecting much, is she? How rude that she
made a public post about the person who tried to cancel the
dress, and how rude of the shop to tell her about it. I'm
guessing that the woman didn't ask exactly what being a
bridesmaid entailed before she agreed to it, or that bride
decided to add on more and more expectations. At this point I'd
phone the bride and say that since I could not afford the kind
of gift she wanted and also couldn't afford a 5-day trip (or
couldn't get the time off), I was bowing out of the bridal party
but looking forward to celebrating at the wedding. I would not
be asking if it was okay for me to bow out, that's my call alone
to make. And I wouldn't be overly surprised if I was uninvited
to the wedding and that the bride was no longer a friend.
#Post#: 47287--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: jpcher Date: February 13, 2020, 3:47 pm
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There is so much wrong with this (on the bride's side).
I think I would come clean and explain the reasons. I would
probably then be kicked out of the wedding party and de-friended
by the bride, unless the bride is the understanding sort. ::)
Plus all the other bridesmaids will say "It wasn't me" then
Emailer will have to lie and say "It wasn't me either." Not a
good place to put yourself into.
Plus2 I'm betting that the bride is the forceful type and could
finagle the name from the bridal shop (if she hasn't already and
is game-playing).
Why would the Owner call the bride to say someone tried to
cancel anyway? That's just wrong.
GardenGal posted while I was typing. Posting anyway.
#Post#: 47288--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: Hmmm Date: February 13, 2020, 3:49 pm
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Calling the store first was a big mistake but I do think the BM
needs to give the bride a call and explain that she can't
continue to be a BM.
And honestly, I'd be happy to deal with the fallout because I
would not want to be a BM for someone who demands a present from
me. It's fine for a Bride & Groom to register at a high end
store. But they can not demand gifts come from there. I also
don't think it is reasonable to demand all of your BM's attend
an out of state (or even local) bachelorette party. They
shouldn't even be the ones planning it.
#Post#: 47296--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: oogyda Date: February 13, 2020, 6:56 pm
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I can understand calling the store first. If canceling the
order was not a possibility, maybe she was going to just carry
on with the plan. If the dress shop hadn't been very
unprofessional, she could have gotten away with it.
Then think about trying to skip the other expenses, somehow.
#Post#: 47302--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: Gellchom Date: February 13, 2020, 7:58 pm
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I kind of stopped believing this at the part about the bride
telling the bridesmaids that they must each buy her a separate
gift from her registry.
#Post#: 47307--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: lakey Date: February 13, 2020, 10:14 pm
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I'm wondering if Gellchom is correct. When a story is this
outrageous, I suspect it could be made up or exaggerated.
Anyway, if it is true, I would conclude that the bride is greedy
and self centered. However, if I had agreed to be bridesmaid,
then started feeling like I couldn't handle the demands, the
adult thing to do would be to discuss it with the bride. Trying
to cancel the gown without discussing it was not good. But not
as bad as demanding that other people buy you expensive home
furnishings, and spend a small fortune on a five day
bachelorette.
#Post#: 47319--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: Aleko Date: February 14, 2020, 1:51 am
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Assuming this story is true, she needs to put her hand up as
soon as possible (jpcher is right that everyone else will reply
'It wasn't me!', and being found out always makes a person look
like the weasel, whatever the rights and wrongs of it) and
respond openly on Facebook saying 'I saw your message about the
5-day trip to Houston* and realised that being a bridesmaid is
going to cost way more than I expected or can afford. So I
called the store as a first priority in the hope that the dress
could still be cancelled. They told me no, but even if I'll be
out the cost of the dress I'm still going to have to step down
from the wedding party; I just don't have that kind of money. If
you find a replacement bridesmaid and she's near my size I'd be
happy to sell the dress on to her at a discount'.
Then let the chips fall where they may. Just possibly the bride
may realise for herself what a bridezilla she has been and rein
the whole thing back. Possibly the other bridesmaids may be
encouraged to pipe up saying 'yeah, we can't really afford that
kind of jaunt either' and force that realisation on her. But
even if the others don't back her and the bride is bridezilla
enough to unfriend her, disinvite her from the wedding, etc,
then that isn't a friendship worth keeping anyway. Better lose
it now at only the cost of a dress, than go through with the
whole thing and end up broke, exhausted and bitterly resentful
of this woman she no longer likes.
* IMO she shouldn't mention the bridal registry thing and the
demand for individual presents at all. One of the injustices of
life is that there's no way of saying 'I wouldn't dream of
giving you anything as expensive as that' without looking
stingy, no matter how unreasonable and gimme-pig 'that' was.
#Post#: 47334--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: lowspark Date: February 14, 2020, 9:22 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1631.msg47302#msg47302
date=1581645481]
I kind of stopped believing this at the part about the bride
telling the bridesmaids that they must each buy her a separate
gift from her registry.
[/quote]
Yeah. The story is too over the top.
But in any case, no matter what the bride "demands", the
bridesmaids do not HAVE to comply. Don't want to do the trip?
Just say so and bow out. Don't want to spend $$$ on a gift? Buy
what you want. What is the bride going to do?
Assuming the story is true, the BM should have just let the
bride know that she wouldn't be able to serve after all, and
THEN canceled the dress. Not having done that, she should of
course admit it was her. All the people in the story are acting
like 5-year olds.
What did the DJs advise?
#Post#: 47338--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lots of Angst and Rudeness
By: gramma dishes Date: February 14, 2020, 10:21 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1631.msg47334#msg47334
date=1581693774]
... Assuming the story is true, the BM should have just let
the bride know that she wouldn't be able to serve after all, and
THEN canceled the dress. ...
[/quote]
I suspect that what she intended to do was find out if she could
cancel on the dress and if she had been allowed to she would
have immediately backed out of being a part of the bridal party
altogether, but if she couldn't (as it turned out), she could
have informed the bride that though she'd still be happy to
stand up with her if that was what the bride wanted, she simply
did not have time off work or the money to come even close to
what the bride seemed to be expecting.
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