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#Post#: 46974--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: February 8, 2020, 10:23 am
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I have a book by Miss Manners, published over 20 years ago,
where this exact situation occurred. Although at that time, it
was one of the other guests that wrote in. For that letter, Miss
Manners said that the hostess could "get away" with the prank if
they feigned ignorance: "Oh, dear! I hope she's all right! I
wonder what happened."
I think it is the unveiling of the fact that it was a definite
booby trap and that others were made aware of it (whether before
or after the fact, it doesn't matter) that puts a bad taste in
my mouth.
#Post#: 46980--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: Contrarian Date: February 8, 2020, 12:54 pm
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I don’t come here often because I know my opinions are too
strong for this site. Although there are a few here who are
willing to have a discussion about things we strongly disagree
about with the understanding that we agree we’re caring people
who feel strongly about certain ideas, with the understanding
that it’s the idea, not the person holding it, is what which
which we object.
But many don’t hold the opinion that ideas can often be
separated with the holder of such. and that’s ok. It’s not my
forum and I don’t want to disrupt. But I was so tempted to bring
this question up with those here and I have not been
disappointed with the responses.
Of course it’s not ok to humiliate a person, a guest, in ones
home, in front of several other people! So many comments in that
thread were that the person opening the medicine cabinet got
what they deserved. I was so disturbed that so many would
believe the crime so abhorrent that this punishment was
justified.
I personally would never invite a guest in my home to whom I
wouldn’t offer an aspirin, some tissue, sanitary products or
whatever else needed, even if I disliked the person. And it
seems completely natural to me that someone visiting my washroom
may open a door, drawer or cupboard which may offer them an item
immediately necessary.
Me, who hates to have someone with whom I’m not intimate with
try to help me in the kitchen, to wash things or put things
away. I just think that washrooms are there for personal things
and the offer of the washroom for a guest is so that they can
relieve themselves, wash themselves, splash water in their face
if needed, and while I don’t have a medicine cabinet, if I had
one filled with Tylenol, cold meds, antacids, muscle cream,
please, if you’re suffering, help yourself.
I’m not embarrassed by any medical issues I have, but if I was,
or if I had something that may cause danger to others I would
remove them. But otherwise, I have welcomed you into my home,
and to use my washroom which is specifically for private
functions. My guests are welcome to anything I have in there. I
only have one washroom in my home, so there’s no idea that I
have a separate guest washroom with guest specific things.
I wouldn’t, myself, open a hosts cabinet looking for things, but
I think it’s inhumane to expect that a person suffering who
thought “I wonder if there some Tylenol in here” deserves to be
publicly humiliated.
Miss Manners column has some of the most judgemental and self
righteous people I’ve seen online. So many love to say “first
world problems” or “if this is the biggest problem in their
lives” as if they don’t understand the forum is about etiquette
instead of a support group for trauma or despair.
I’m both fascinated by it and ashamed of constantly visiting it.
I really thought the people on this forum would be more kind and
I’m happy to see that this is so.
#Post#: 46982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: TootsNYC Date: February 8, 2020, 1:37 pm
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[quote]If one or more of the guests has previous form in
snooping through the bathroom cabinets, the host could perfectly
well put a lock on it (good practice anyway if there are
children in the house) [/quote]
I have yet to see a home medicine cabinet that would allow you
to put lock on it.
#Post#: 46986--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: LurkingGurl Date: February 8, 2020, 3:20 pm
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[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=1625.msg46980#msg46980
date=1581188084]
I wouldn’t, myself, open a hosts cabinet looking for things, but
I think it’s inhumane to expect that a person suffering who
thought “I wonder if there some Tylenol in here” deserves to be
publicly humiliated.
[/quote]
That's where I fall too.
#Post#: 46988--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: Gellchom Date: February 8, 2020, 3:56 pm
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=1625.msg46968#msg46968
date=1581165716]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1625.msg46967#msg46967
date=1581158596]
Everyone behaved badly here.
- The headachy guest, for not simply asking the host for an
aspirin - how hard or embarrassing is that, for heaven's sake?
- The host, for booby-trapping the cabinet. There's no excuse
for such a deliberately hostile act toward one's guests. (As
discussed in another thread, I don't want guests snooping in my
bedroom, but I couldn't justify balancing a bucket of water over
the door!) If one or more of the guests has previous form in
snooping through the bathroom cabinets, the host could perfectly
well put a lock on it (good practice anyway if there are
children in the house) or put a snarky note inside for any
snooper to find.
- The other guests, for mocking him. He has already suffered a
massive embarrassment, and whether he deserved it or not, there
is no excuse for continuing to dwell on it.
- The host, again, if he really let some of the other guests in
on the plot beforehand (I agree with the posters who doubted
whether that was really so), which amounts to a conspiracy to
humiliate his guest. The only thing that might conceivably
justify such a gross breach of the laws of hospitality would be
if the guest had in the past done something much worse than just
snoop - had stolen things, for example. But I still don't like
it. If you have that much anger and resentment against someone,
you shouldn't be inviting them.
On the whole, the person I find least culpable here is the
guest. Sure, he shouldn't have opened the cabinet: but when your
head hurts and the host is busy, it could seem so much easier
for everyone just to help oneself to an aspirin without
bothering him.
[/quote]
I couldn't have said it better myself.
[/quote]
I agree.
Our powder room cabinet contains things that are specifically
placed there for a guest to use — some we don’t even use at all
ourselves. I don’t want people to have to ask. It’s no shame,
but it’s personal, to need a tampon, a wet wipe, mouthwash, a
piece of dental floss, and sometimes even an aspirin.
If guests would need to use my only bathroom, I suppose I’d
remove anything I didn’t want them to see or use if they needed
to look for an aspirin or a tampon.
What is a guest supposed to do if they need more toilet paper?
Not look in a cabinet for some?
I think that this host was a megajerk. If a guest has a history
of snooping or even stealing, just don’t invite them. What kind
of person invites someone over to humiliate them? Some host!
#Post#: 47060--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: QueenFaninCA Date: February 10, 2020, 2:08 pm
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My suspicion is that the "victim" is known in that circle for
rifling though bathroom cabinets and finally got their
comeuppance.
#Post#: 47061--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: Titanica Date: February 10, 2020, 2:29 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1625.msg46974#msg46974
date=1581179029]
I have a book by Miss Manners, published over 20 years ago,
where this exact situation occurred. Although at that time, it
was one of the other guests that wrote in. For that letter, Miss
Manners said that the hostess could "get away" with the prank if
they feigned ignorance: "Oh, dear! I hope she's all right! I
wonder what happened."
I think it is the unveiling of the fact that it was a definite
booby trap and that others were made aware of it (whether before
or after the fact, it doesn't matter) that puts a bad taste in
my mouth.
[/quote]
I was coming to post something similar - I recall reading about
this in Dear Abby at least 40 years ago.
#Post#: 47066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: JeanFromBNA Date: February 10, 2020, 3:09 pm
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I also remember reading about this in a Miss Manners book from
many years ago. It's a dumb thing to do, unless you have a
history of mutual practical jokes.
Our guest bathroom medicine cabinet has Tylenol, antacids,
Benadryl, tampons, and a few other things that a guest might
need but not have. We don't keep anything private in it. All
the prescriptions, etc. are up in our bathroom off of our
bedroom. One time, a guest who was staying over with two other
guests asked if he could use our bathroom. I told him it was
fine. I was surprised when he took a shower. "Use the
bathroom" usually means the toilet and sink. I was embarrassed
because we hadn't specially cleaned our shower, or set out
towels, and he went hunting around for a towel and washcloth.
#Post#: 47106--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: Soop Date: February 11, 2020, 7:22 am
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I just can't imagine being so concerned about someone seeing
what's in your bathroom cabinet that you would feel the need to
booby-trap it. But then I don't keep much in mine. It's not a
good place to store medications (too damp and warm), so really
there's just extra toothbrushes and some bandaids. All the
"secret" stuff is in the bedroom.
#Post#: 47114--------------------------------------------------
Re: Party host’s booby-trapped bathroom
By: Hmmm Date: February 11, 2020, 9:15 am
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[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=1625.msg47060#msg47060
date=1581365337]
My suspicion is that the "victim" is known in that circle for
rifling though bathroom cabinets and finally got their
comeuppance.
[/quote]
This was my thought, too. A host would have to have a good
suspicion that someone would go into the medicine cabinet for
the "joke" to even work.
[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=1625.msg47066#msg47066
date=1581368950]
I also remember reading about this in a Miss Manners book from
many years ago. It's a dumb thing to do, unless you have a
history of mutual practical jokes.
Our guest bathroom medicine cabinet has Tylenol, antacids,
Benadryl, tampons, and a few other things that a guest might
need but not have. We don't keep anything private in it. All
the prescriptions, etc. are up in our bathroom off of our
bedroom. One time, a guest who was staying over with two other
guests asked if he could use our bathroom. I told him it was
fine. I was surprised when he took a shower. "Use the
bathroom" usually means the toilet and sink. I was embarrassed
because we hadn't specially cleaned our shower, or set out
towels, and he went hunting around for a towel and washcloth.
[/quote]
I'm curious about this. Do you mean they were spending the night
at your house but you weren't expecting them to take a shower
before bed or in the morning?
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