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#Post#: 46307--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: gramma dishes Date: January 28, 2020, 8:45 pm
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[quote author=chigger link=topic=1608.msg46286#msg46286
date=1580249349]
Looking to be offended! However, I do think it's a troll letter,
because who gets so hot and bothered over something so petty?
It's her partners friend, not hers, and to make a stink big
enough that the happy couple would send a new invitation is just
bonkers! Unless, she meant to say "rescind" the invitation.
Which I think would be more in line!
[/quote]
Yes! As I was reading it I also thought "I wonder if she meant
resend or did she really mean rescind?" Rescinding the
invitation altogether would actually make more sense in the
context of the sentence!
#Post#: 46309--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: shadowfox79 Date: January 29, 2020, 12:41 am
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I have a first name which has multiple correct spellings, and
have spent my entire life spelling my name (first and last) for
people. This wouldn't even register for me.
#Post#: 46331--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Soop Date: January 29, 2020, 9:31 am
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My answer to the subject question is 'yes', maybe unless the
topic of spelling of name has been discussed previously with the
bride/groom. But only maybe.
I think the 2nd question in the link is even more looking for a
reason to be insulted. I hope the letter writer has a string of
pearls to clutch for those times they see the conductor wearing
a cummerbund. I know/care so little about formal wear I wouldn't
even notice.
#Post#: 46343--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Hmmm Date: January 29, 2020, 10:37 am
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1608.msg46307#msg46307
date=1580265925]
[quote author=chigger link=topic=1608.msg46286#msg46286
date=1580249349]
Looking to be offended! However, I do think it's a troll letter,
because who gets so hot and bothered over something so petty?
It's her partners friend, not hers, and to make a stink big
enough that the happy couple would send a new invitation is just
bonkers! Unless, she meant to say "rescind" the invitation.
Which I think would be more in line!
[/quote]
Yes! As I was reading it I also thought "I wonder if she meant
resend or did she really mean rescind?" Rescinding the
invitation altogether would actually make more sense in the
context of the sentence!
[/quote]
I don't think the plan was to disinvite the husband and wife. I
figured it went (basing on how my DH and his best friend of 20
years ago would have communicated if texting had been around):
Bro, the invite has wife's name misspelled
Sorry, I didn't send them, not my lane
Well, wife is taking it as a personal attack.
Dude, it's just a mistake!
She's wanting to skip the wedding. You know she already doesn't
feel comfortable with your fiance
Well, WTH do you want? For us to send another invite????? It's
just an envelope!
Yeah, send another invite if you would. Maybe she'll drop it
then.
#Post#: 46351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 29, 2020, 11:07 am
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[quote author=Dazi link=topic=1608.msg46292#msg46292
date=1580254210]
No, if she wanted to insult her, the bride would have addressed
it to husband first and last name and guest.
[/quote]
Back when I wrote the wedding etiquette column, I had a
colleague whose partner received an invitation like that from
one of his friends--and the colleague and her partner were close
to the bride & groom!
When the partner called his friend to ask about why his live-in
long-time girlfriend's name was not on the invitation, and to
say that he was offended and upset about it, the groom said
their wedding planner or stationery person had been ADAMANT that
unmarried people's names were to be treated this way.
I made a column out of it. Basically saying, "if you're the
bride/groom, don't do this. But if you get something like this,
try to cut them some slack--B&G's get a lot of people
confidently insisting they do completely inconsiderate things."
#Post#: 46355--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Aleko Date: January 29, 2020, 11:45 am
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[quote]the groom said their wedding planner or stationery person
had been ADAMANT that unmarried people's names were to be
treated this way.[/quote]
Why on earth do people meekly cave in to the hired help?
Especially when they know for sure that what the hired help is
proposing is going to hurt and offend?
#Post#: 46356--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Chez Miriam Date: January 29, 2020, 12:07 pm
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I would think "looking to be offended", but without knowing any
of the parties I would be unwilling to rule out a serious clash
of personalities* causing it to be BEC.
Even with a 'cracker-eating-hearing' situation, I wouldn't
actually say anything. And I hope I would cut some slack for a
bride-to-be who sounds to be shouldering the whole
planning/doing process without help from the 'wrong-lane' groom.
* I know getting my name wrong irritates me (much more) when it
comes from someone who is dismissive of my feelings but we all
need to tiptoe around their delicate sensibilities. People who
I like can take the most phenomenal liberties, and I'll answer
to anything!
#Post#: 46358--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 29, 2020, 12:19 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1608.msg46355#msg46355
date=1580319950]
[quote]the groom said their wedding planner or stationery person
had been ADAMANT that unmarried people's names were to be
treated this way.[/quote]
Why on earth do people meekly cave in to the hired help?
Especially when they know for sure that what the hired help is
proposing is going to hurt and offend?
[/quote]
The groom had apparently argued back quite a bit and then
eventually decided he couldn't stomach the argument anymore. I
was kind of amazed at the vendor's digging in her heels in the
face of the groom's arguments.
#Post#: 46363--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: January 29, 2020, 12:32 pm
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When reading the column before seeing this here, I thought the
woman was spoiling for a fight. I mean, yes, it's irritating,
but chill out.
#Post#: 46367--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Jem Date: January 29, 2020, 12:56 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1608.msg46358#msg46358
date=1580321975]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1608.msg46355#msg46355
date=1580319950]
[quote]the groom said their wedding planner or stationery person
had been ADAMANT that unmarried people's names were to be
treated this way.[/quote]
Why on earth do people meekly cave in to the hired help?
Especially when they know for sure that what the hired help is
proposing is going to hurt and offend?
[/quote]
The groom had apparently argued back quite a bit and then
eventually decided he couldn't stomach the argument anymore. I
was kind of amazed at the vendor's digging in her heels in the
face of the groom's arguments.
[/quote]
I do think it matters whether the couple getting married wants
to invite Bob and wants to invite Carol and Bob and Carol are in
a relationship but not married, as opposed to the couple wants
to invite Bob and whomever he is dating. I can see awkward
situations in which the couple wants to invite Bob, puts Carol
on the invitation as opposed to "and guest," Bob and Carol break
up and Bob wants to bring his current girlfriend instead.
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