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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 46258--------------------------------------------------
Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insulted
?
By: Hmmm Date: January 28, 2020, 10:42 am
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The third letter in Miss Manners is from a woman who's husband's
good friend is getting married. She says she the bride is
someone she has "never been comfortable with; something about
her did not feel right." She does not give any other specifics
about the relationship.
The invitation to the wedding arrives and the husband's name is
spelled correctly but her first and last name is misspelled. She
is taking it as a personal insult and doesn't want to attend the
wedding. The husband did reach out to his friend who first
replied that it wasn't "his lane" but after further exchanges
offered to have a new invite sent.
HTML http://never been comfortable with; something about her did not
feel right.
I personally agreed with Miss Manners that she doubted the bride
was gleefully intentionally misspelling her name (and later
points out the letter writer made 2 grammatical errors in her
letter and asked if Miss Manners should see that as an insult.)
Would anyone be so upset by a name misspelling that they'd
request a new invitation or go to the extreme of refusing to
attend?
You just know these 2 men's friendship will be growing apart
which is sad.
#Post#: 46263--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Rose Red Date: January 28, 2020, 11:53 am
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The LW doesn't sound like she wants to be friendly with the
bride so the bride may not know the spelling and went with the
most common.
Yes, I'm aware you should call up and ask, but I wouldn't be
surprised if the bride was afraid to call them up since I doubt
the LW hid her dislike as well as she probably thought (maybe
she didn't even hide her coldness at all)! At least the
invitation didn't say "Joe Smith and Guest" ;). As for why he
groom didn't call up his friend to ask? It's not his lane ::)
>:(.
#Post#: 46266--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Winterlight Date: January 28, 2020, 12:31 pm
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Is this the link?
Letter 3
HTML https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/miss-manners-stuck-in-the-middle/2020/01/26/25203c94-33ca-11ea-a053-dc6d944ba776_story.html
Given that the LW doesn't actually provide any reason for her
attitude towards the bride, I tend to feel like she's looking
for a reason not to go. "someone I have never been comfortable
with; something about her did not feel right." reads like
vaguebooking to me. If she had a solid complaint like "Bride has
repeatedly snubbed me because we aren't able to take expensive
vacations" or something, that would be different.
#Post#: 46268--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Sycorax Date: January 28, 2020, 12:41 pm
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I think it's extremely unlikely that the misspelling is anything
but an honest mistake. Maybe there's more to the background
with the bride, but with the information given, it's hard to see
a deliberate insult.
TBH, I would probably be slightly insulted, but not to the "not
coming to your event" level. It's easy enough to make mistakes
when you're hand addressing things.
#Post#: 46269--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Rose Red Date: January 28, 2020, 12:47 pm
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I wonder what her name is. We have a whole thread about "uneek"
name spellings.
I might be insulted if she misspelled "Jane Smith," but more
understanding if it was misspelled because the LW's name is
"Jaiynnee Smthyth." ;D
#Post#: 46270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: TootsNYC Date: January 28, 2020, 12:58 pm
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I have a name that is often misspelled--both of them.
I don't take it personally.
I also didn't take my husband's last name, and yet people in his
family are always writing "Mrs. and Mrs. Bill Smith" on
invidations, seating cards, and mailing envelopes.
Many, many of them used to use some odd phonetic spelling for my
first name, which isn't the world's most common but is also
phonetically simple.
And almost none of them can spell my last name.
And none of them ever asked me to be clear about how to spell my
name.
Some people are just like that.
So no, I would never get that insulted.
#Post#: 46278--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: jpcher Date: January 28, 2020, 3:32 pm
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Nope. I wouldn't feel insulted.
What I might do is clearly sign my name on the card I gift so
that when the BC writes TYnotes, the name is right there in
front of them.
Or is that PA since a second invite was already sent out with
correct spelling? What if a second invite wasn't sent, would
that still be PA?
#Post#: 46279--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Bada Date: January 28, 2020, 3:34 pm
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I have a hard to spell first and last name (married into the
latter, unfortunately). I definitely get frustrated when people
who should know better spell my name wrong...but I'd never say
anything to a busy Bride about that! I've only ever mentioned it
in work situations really--or recently to tease a friend who
sent me two pieces of mail the same day, one with my name
spelled perfectly and one seriously butchered, lol.
Honestly, I'm pretty sure I spelled my friend's name wrong on
her invite to my wedding. It's Jackie, but I tried to guess the
formal spelling (Jacquelyn?). In retrospect I should have asked
her if that even IS her legal name. But we were in a massive
rush to get the invites out and I just sent it. Fortunately she
didn't complain and she still came and we had a blast!
In short, the letter writer is odd for being so bothered. Bur
she's well matched since her husband thought it was worth a back
and forth email exchange resulting in a new invite being issued.
#Post#: 46286--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: chigger Date: January 28, 2020, 4:09 pm
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Looking to be offended! However, I do think it's a troll letter,
because who gets so hot and bothered over something so petty?
It's her partners friend, not hers, and to make a stink big
enough that the happy couple would send a new invitation is just
bonkers! Unless, she meant to say "rescind" the invitation.
Which I think would be more in line!
#Post#: 46292--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this a classic example of looking for a reason to be insu
lted?
By: Dazi Date: January 28, 2020, 5:30 pm
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No, if she wanted to insult her, the bride would have addressed
it to husband first and last name and guest.
I know when we got married, there were several guests from my
husband's list who I had no damn idea how to spell their names
and neither did he when I asked!
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