DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Entertaining and Hospitality
*****************************************************
#Post#: 46233--------------------------------------------------
They changed the party date
By: Candle Date: January 27, 2020, 10:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I have a two-part question.
A cousin and his wife are expecting their second baby, and
they're having what they called a 'Sprinkle', which is something
I'd never heard of before, but I guess it's kind of like a
shower, but more low key. We're not really close, but we're on
good terms with each other. I received my invitation to the
Sprinkle two weeks ago, give or take, and I RSVP'd yes. It was
supposed to be this coming Saturday, and I structured my
activities around it so that I could go. Earlier today, I got a
text saying that the date had been moved up to Friday because
the girl's mother had a scheduling conflict. Part one: Were
they rude to do that?
Part two: Am I rude to say I can't make it after all? I could
probably rearrange my schedule again, but with only a few days
to do this I'd have to pull some major strings, and honestly I'm
annoyed. I don't know what this scheduling conflict is because
the text didn't say, but I feel like there was plenty of time
for her to ensure that there would be no conflict. It just
seems inconsiderate to me. I wonder how many other people will
have to back out because of this!
#Post#: 46234--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Venus193 Date: January 27, 2020, 11:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think the first item is careless and the second (changing the
date at the last minute for the sake of one guest) is rude. How
many people can't make it on Friday because of work and how many
had cleared their calendars to come in the first place?
#Post#: 46235--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Candle Date: January 27, 2020, 11:11 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Just to clarify, I'd be rude for backing out? I'm not sure I
understood you.
#Post#: 46236--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: lakey Date: January 27, 2020, 11:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
No, you aren't rude for changing your RSVP to a "no". You had
agreed to go based on it being held on Saturday. They should
have known that changing the date would cause conflicts for some
of the guests.
When the other commenter said that the second item was rude, I
doubt if she was referring to you.
#Post#: 46239--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Aleko Date: January 28, 2020, 3:32 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In general it's obviously rude and inconsiderate to change the
date of one's party at the last minute. But I don't think we can
really pass judgement on the couple in this case, not knowing
exactly what went down there. Somebody is being inconsiderate
here, to be sure, but we don't know who. If one of the
grandmas-to-be suddenly threw a spanner in the works saying 'I
can't make Saturday after all! Change the date for my sake! You
can't have this party without me!', they may well have felt
unable to say 'Too bad, Mom, we can't change it now, you'll have
to miss out'.
But certainly nobody is rude who finds themselves unable to
rearrange their schedule to free up Friday night at less than a
week's notice, and I'm sure the couple must have fully expected
that they would lose at least some guests by making the change.
A pleasant 'oh, what a pity, I can't make Friday', perhaps
accompanied by the tiny present you were planning to bring to
the party, is all that courtesy demands.
#Post#: 46248--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Rose Red Date: January 28, 2020, 6:05 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You won't be rude to RSVP no to this new invitation. Because
that's what this is, a new event. You're not the one backing out
of the original party; they cancelled. So treat the new
invitation like a separate thing.
#Post#: 46254--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Hmmm Date: January 28, 2020, 9:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
No, you are not rude to change your RSVP. Hosts can not expect
guests to maintain a commitment to an event if they change the
date, time or location. This is actually one of the very
accepted reasons for being allowed to modify an RSVP with
illness, death or unexpected work schedule change being the
other standard ones.
I do think it was slightly rude of the hosts to modify the date.
However, it sounds like this is a fairly low key event with
mostly family. So they chose to allow the grandmother to attend
and potentially loose other participants.
I am curious. Is the couple self hosting the Sprinkle? If so,
that to me is the bigger etiquette lapse.
#Post#: 46265--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: Winterlight Date: January 28, 2020, 12:23 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I can't say if they were rude or not to change the date, because
there might have been a really good reason a sudden conflict
happened- mom is now on call that day or something. However, you
are not rude to decline based on the new date.
#Post#: 46271--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: TootsNYC Date: January 28, 2020, 1:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It's a little rude to change it--they should have had a
commitment from the grandma before they set the shower date. And
grandma should have been doing all the same scheduling things
YOU did to clear and preserve that time on her calendar.
But sometimes things change that are really serious (grandpa has
a last-minute must-do medical procedure the day before?
grandma's unreasonable boss changes her schedule and threatens
to fire her if she calls out?).
So I wouldn't dwell too much on the rudeness of it, because
maybe they had no choice. (But they are absolutely saying
grandma is more important than any other guests, and certainly
more important than you, because they didn't check that you
could still make it before they picked a new date--make of that
what you will. I wouldn't find that upsetting.)
When people change the date AT ALL, but especially late in the
game, the guests is absolutely absolved for changing their RSVP.
Essentially, it's a new event/invitation, and you have previous
commitments. It's rude to cancel previous commitments for
"something better" (though of course there are often things we
CAN switch around without really being rude).
So say no. "Sorry, I can't make it that day."
And think no more about it.
Personally, I would give a gift (even if I hadn't actually
purchased it yet, I'd still get one--though I might not splurge
particularly). Because it's about whether I care, and not about
whether I attended. And I'd still care (though maybe not quite
as enthusiastically)
#Post#: 46274--------------------------------------------------
Re: They changed the party date
By: QueenFaninCA Date: January 28, 2020, 2:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Agree with others, not rude to change the RSVP.
Whatever the reason for the change, I think it is really rude to
change it at such short notice to an earlier date and from a
weekend to a weekday. If this Saturday really didn't work for
them, move it to the following Saturday.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page