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#Post#: 45732--------------------------------------------------
Password protected registry
By: Gellchom Date: January 17, 2020, 2:13 pm
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I have a dear young cousin getting married in June. I wanted to
look at her registry and perhaps see if there is other info on a
web site.
I googled and found a Zola registry, but it's password
protected. The site says, "Hint: it's the dog's name."
I'm sure that this is useful for their local friends and seemed
obvious to them. But for people like me -- relatives thousands
of miles and a generation or two away, which describes almost
all their family -- it's not very helpful. They have sent some
info about accommodations by email, which would have been a good
time to share the password. Maybe they felt it would seem
pushy.
The accommodations are confusing, too. They chose a venue way,
way out in the country, not near any hotels or near where anyone
lives. The info they sent was about a very expensive place that
has only something like yurt housing, and only a few units, so
it's definitely not the place for everyone; maybe just the
wedding party. The only hotel we could find requires payment in
full by January 15th of the calendar year of your reservation,
which makes absolutely no sense to me (and I received that info
from the hotel on January 16th).
None of these things is a big deal, and it certainly doesn't
dampen my enthusiasm for the wedding. At the same time, these
little things can add up to make a large group of the guests
feel like afterthoughts or anyway not as important to the HC as
their peer group. I don't know about the groom, but I know my
cousin loves her family, so it's not a dysfunction-distancing
thing; more likely the result of reading lots of wedding idea
blogs and such rather than starting with their actual guest list
and thinking what would be the best for their actual group, not
a TV show.
Of course they should express their own tastes, and a venue they
love, and of course they should have their friends at their
wedding! At the same time, it would be nice if they made a
little more effort to make their other guests feel a bit more
welcome, especially because they are traveling so far.
I'm not even saying that they should plan a single thing
differently. I just think it would have been nice if they had
found some way to communicate about their plans that would not
have made some of their guests feel a bit like B Listers.
#Post#: 45736--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: jpcher Date: January 17, 2020, 4:32 pm
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It does sound a bit awkward, but I don't think it's B-listing.
The couple were nice enough to send an accommodation list so
that you didn't have to do your own research on where to stay.
However, you found the list a bit lacking and I agree with this.
I think it would be perfectly fine to reply to her email with
something like:
"Hey, Cuz! I'm so looking forward to attending your wedding! I
appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending accommodation
recommendations. Unfortunately the hotel that you suggested
needed confirmation three days ago so I missed that deadline. Do
you have any other thoughts on hotels or maybe even a local
commerce website that lists hotels close to the wedding venue so
that I can do my own research?*
I would appreciate any information you could pass on to me.
P.S. What is the name of your dog?"
*Maybe I'm wrong with this thought, but I don't think the HC
needs to find accommodation for all guests. Some guests prefer a
pricier stay, others might find the cheapest motel to their
liking.
#Post#: 45749--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: Sycorax Date: January 17, 2020, 6:33 pm
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It sounds like they're inexperienced in planning such a big
event. And/or maybe they're not expecting much attendance from
distant relatives.
#Post#: 45769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: Gellchom Date: January 17, 2020, 11:39 pm
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It’s not just distant guests. The venue is 2-3 hours away, on
mountain roads that are daunting at night, from the nearest
city, where they live; the HC and all the guests, even locals,
will need accommodations for two nights.
[quote author=jpcher link=topic=1591.msg45736#msg45736
date=1579300325]
*Maybe I'm wrong with this thought, but I don't think the HC
needs to find accommodation for all guests. Some guests prefer a
pricier stay, others might find the cheapest motel to their
liking.
[/quote]
I wasn’t clear. The problem is that there are very few places
to stay, at any price, in the area. There are no hotels, just a
few guest houses and airb&bs, most a town or two away. The
place we found is not one that they suggested; my brother found
it. The HC did not send a list, just said that there were guest
houses in the area.
Of course HCs don’t need to find accommodations for all their
guests. But in my experience, when there are numerous out of
town guests, hosts usually reserve a block of rooms at, or at
least suggest, one or two hotels so that everyone can be
together. Of course people can choose another hotel, or to stay
with friends, if they prefer, but most like to be around all the
family they don’t see often — that’s an important part of the
weekend, too.
I’m sure the venue is lovely and meaningful to them, and we will
enjoy it. But it is rather a nuisance for their guests because
it is so difficult to find housing.
Anyway, we did find something, so we are all set. But I have to
admit that this kind of made it seem like their guests’
convenience and comfort was a rather low priority.
#Post#: 45777--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: Aleko Date: January 18, 2020, 3:57 am
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[quote]... this kind of made it seem that their guests'
convenience and comfort was a rather low priority.[/quote]
Or perhaps a kinder assumption might be that the sweet young
things just went for their dream venue without thinking about
anything so mundane as convenience and comfort at all? They may
not even have figured out and provided for their own
requirements adequately.
#Post#: 45779--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: Gellchom Date: January 18, 2020, 9:25 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1591.msg45777#msg45777
date=1579341443]
[quote]... this kind of made it seem that their guests'
convenience and comfort was a rather low priority.[/quote]
Or perhaps a kinder assumption might be that the sweet young
things just went for their dream venue without thinking about
anything so mundane as convenience and comfort at all? They may
not even have figured out and provided for their own
requirements adequately.
[/quote]
I think that’s exactly what happened. I certainly don’t think
that they were going out of their way to insult or inconvenience
anyone! I’m sure it never even occurred to them. Whether
someone pointed it out to them and they pushed back anyway I do
not know and do not want to know! By the way, these “sweet young
things are in their thirties, if that matters.
#Post#: 45820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: TootsNYC Date: January 18, 2020, 7:34 pm
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(you did call her a "dear young cousin"--that might have
influenced the word choice)
#Post#: 45840--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: Aleko Date: January 19, 2020, 2:21 am
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[quote]By the way, these “sweet young things" are in their
thirties, if that matters.[/quote]
I didn't necessarily mean it literally. I've known people in
their thirties act surprisingly adolescent in the throes of
wedding planning.
#Post#: 45895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: lowspark Date: January 20, 2020, 10:28 am
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Back in the olden days you generally got married fairly young
and your parents paid for everything and guided you in planning.
Not everyone of course, but the majority. So people with
experience, both in planning and attending weddings were doing
the planning or at least had a hand in it.
That's not as true today. Couples are getting married later in
life, paying themselves, and planning for themselves without
help from the previous generation. And believe me, the older
generation would be GLAD to help but they either don't get asked
(and don't want to push in) or get told to stay out of it.
So.... things like this will just become more common. It's hard
to know how to plan an event as elaborate and complicated as a
wedding, with all the components, if you've never been involved
with one before, or have never or rarely been a guest at one.
#Post#: 45941--------------------------------------------------
Re: Password protected registry
By: DCGirl Date: January 21, 2020, 1:25 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1591.msg45777#msg45777
date=1579341443]
[quote]... this kind of made it seem that their guests'
convenience and comfort was a rather low priority.[/quote]
Or perhaps a kinder assumption might be that the sweet young
things just went for their dream venue without thinking about
anything so mundane as convenience and comfort at all? They may
not even have figured out and provided for their own
requirements adequately.
[/quote]
My sister and her first husband went for their dream venue, too,
and it was pretty miserable for the guests. It was in a meadow
at the top of a mountain where they'd been camping when he
proposed, so it was certainly meaningful for them. Getting
there involved hiking up a dirt path from the closet parking
spot, which was itself at the end of a rutted gravel road.
There were grandparents in attendance and the best man was on
crutches from a broken ankle. The view we were all promised (it
was supposed to be a sunrise wedding, so we were hiking up in
the dark) was obscured by the heavy fog blanketing the mountain.
My sister will tell you now that they made some errors in
judgement, but wouldn't have admitted it back then.
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