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#Post#: 45666--------------------------------------------------
Children and rude comments from peers
By: Sweet Jane Date: January 16, 2020, 11:57 am
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My 11-year-old daughter Ava was at a Girl Scout event this
weekend. During some downtime, the girls were gathered in the
lodge. A girl she didn't know (not from her troop) was off in
the corner, dancing to the music in her head. Ava told me the
girl was "a little weird, but in a good way" and that she
thought she was cool for doing her own thing.
Sara, a girl from Ava's troop, noticed Ava watching the girl and
said, "That girl is so special ed! Someone should tell her that
dance is not her thing." Ava looked at Sara and told her that
was a mean thing to say and that she had been enjoying watching
her dance. Sara walked away.
Ava wasn't sure if she should have said something to the dancing
girl to try to be supportive after Sara's comment. She wasn't
sure if the girl hadn't heard what Sara had said, or if she was
just ignoring the comment. And she didn't want to ask the girl
if she'd heard anything, because if she hadn't then Ava didn't
want to open that can of worms. In the end, Ava felt a little
bad - she was worried that she had not done enough in support of
the dancer.
What would you have done?
#Post#: 45667--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: Jem Date: January 16, 2020, 12:00 pm
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I think you daughter handled this very well. I think her
instincts were spot on to say something to the commenter but not
to the dancer. Sometimes letting potentially explosive
situations simply dissolve is best.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person! Good job, Mama!
#Post#: 45676--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: bopper Date: January 16, 2020, 1:46 pm
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I would talk to the troop leader that maybe itis time to get the
bullying curriculum out
HTML https://www.gswise.org/content/dam/girlscouts-gswise/documents/when-friends-are-not-friends-Junior-anti-bullying.pdf
#Post#: 45678--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: TootsNYC Date: January 16, 2020, 2:02 pm
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I think I'd have done what Ava did. At least, I HOPE, because
that was beautifully done.
I wouldn't have brought up the comment to the other girl (even
if she heard it, it wouldn't help her to be reminded of that
humiliating comment), but I would probably have been a bit
friendlier to that girl later.
Because while challenging a bully is a very good thing, an
important tool against the damage bullying does is to keep its
victims from feeling isolated.
#Post#: 45729--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: Jayhawk Date: January 17, 2020, 1:35 pm
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Brava, Ava!!!
#Post#: 45748--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 17, 2020, 6:31 pm
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*IF* she heard Sara, she probably heard Ava. If that makes Ava
feel better I would share it with her. But otherwise she was
spot on. I can only hope to handle such a thing with such class!
I agree, if I saw the girl later on, I might try to befriend
her, but I wouldn't bring up the comment.
#Post#: 45751--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: Winterlight Date: January 17, 2020, 7:14 pm
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I think Ava handled this just fine. I also think she's learned
that Sara is the sort of person to say nasty things behind other
people's backs, so she's forewarned.
#Post#: 45827--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: Star Wars Fan Date: January 18, 2020, 7:53 pm
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I think your daughter handled it fine. And I think it was good
she didn't say anything to the dancing girl. Since the dancing
girl didn't react I'd say she either didn't hear what was said
about her or she decided to ignore it. So it's fine your
daughter didn't say anything to her because I think either way
it would've just upset her unnecessarily. Now if the dancing
girl had seemed to react to the comment in some way I think it
would've then been fine for your daughter to say something to
stick up for her.
Ed.
#Post#: 46126--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: ladylike123 Date: January 24, 2020, 6:10 pm
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Ava seems to have a kind heart and I would be proud of her for
even having the courage to stand up to Sara. My daughter is very
very shy (something we're working on) so I don't she would have
had the courage to talk to either of them
#Post#: 46243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Children and rude comments from peers
By: Chez Miriam Date: January 28, 2020, 4:24 am
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I think that unless Ava whispered her comment, it's likely that
if DancingGirl heard Sara's mean comment, she heard Ava's
defence.
Sometimes standing up to a bully without involving the 'victim'*
is the very best way of dealing with a situation: the bully is
kindly corrected/chastised, and the victim doesn't feel singled
out [which can make them feel much worse thnt a simple nasty
comment has the power to do], and the stander-upper [defender?]
knows that they didn't leave it unchallenged, and may feel just
a 1/4" taller because of it. It also allows the bully time to
reflect, whereas making a drama could entrench their position;
win all round?
* I put that in quotes, because DG may have been totally unaware
of the conversation and thus may not feel/be a victim.
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