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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 45679--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Gellchom Date: January 16, 2020, 2:15 pm
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I wouldn't be so fast to assume that this means problems down
the road for Big Sis.
I certainly believe the posters who report having seen problems
at other children's parties and so forth. But I never did when
my kids were growing up -- it just never seemed to be an issue.
All the kids, including little siblings, seemed to get it that
the birthday child was the one getting and opening the gifts,
and on their birthday, it would be their turn. We were very
lucky, I see! Maybe it helped that we made a game out of
opening the gifts -- the birthday kid spun a bottle and opened
the gift from the child it pointed to, then gave thanks and a
hug. Not much of a game, but perhaps enough that it distracted
them.
Anyway, I think there is more than one lesson to be learned
here, and kids are capable of learning them. For example, Big
Sis is probably also learning, or soon will, to let Little Sis
go first, get the slice of cake with the rose, or win games
sometimes -- just as the adults and older kids in her life do
for her sometimes, including letting her unwrap Little Sis's
presents while she is still too little to care. Kids get it
that sometimes things need to be fair, and sometimes the
grownups or siblings indulge you. After all, it doesn't seem
like she is insisting on keeping the presents; she gets it that
they are for Little Sis, not for her.
She is being indulged, but that doesn't necessarily mean she
will learn only to feel entitled; she may also learn about how
to indulge others when it's appropriate, because she knows how
nice it made her feel. And maybe the girls are learning that it
can be even more fun to share their special experiences -- I
know many siblings who do. Maybe in three years, their parents
will remind Big Sis of how she was allowed to unwrap Little
Sis's gifts when she was 6, because she enjoyed it so much, and
suggest that now she let Little Sis help unwrap her gifts at her
9th birthday party. She may even think of it herself.
It can go either way, or both, of course. I'm just saying that
this isn't necessarily creating a spoiled brat. Handled well,
it can also lead to developing a generous heart.
#Post#: 45683--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: TootsNYC Date: January 16, 2020, 4:35 pm
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My daughter was in a particularly good daycare, and they really
leaned into the "let the birthday child be the center of
attention; you get to have lots of fun in other ways" concept. I
remember that at many parties, the folks working at the venue
wouldn't allow present opening because they thought everyone
would be badly behaved.
We had homemade parties, and everyone of those kids had the
etiquette down pat.
So I mimicked what they did w/ my son, who wasn't in that
daycare very long.
My mom also really spent energy creating a fun experience for
the non-birthday kid--one that focused on PROVIDING fun and
indulgence for our sibling. I distinctly remember her saying,
"Oh, but YOU get to help make the cake, and get everything ready
so he will be excited on his birthday. And you get to be in on
the planning and the secrets." It worked!
#Post#: 45702--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Shores Date: January 17, 2020, 3:22 am
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1585.msg45563#msg45563
date=1579071949]
I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't say anything and I'd keep my
mouth shut. You just don't get to tell people how to parent in
situations like that.
Ed.
[/quote]
My gift follows my rules.
#Post#: 45703--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Aleko Date: January 17, 2020, 4:39 am
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[quote]My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset
when some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents,
and insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was
weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're
toddlers.[/quote]
I honestly can't see anything weird about that, in itself.
(Although if as you say she was generally weird, for all I know
she did it in a weird way.) Toddlers typically start saying
'Mine!!!' around 18 months, and the next year or so is exactly
the stage when they need to learn that there's also 'Yours',
distinguish which is which, and act accordingly. I can see good
reason why she would want to insist on the difference when they
were opening presents; especially if she had bitter experience
of children who hadn't learnt when young to respect other
people's property.
#Post#: 45705--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: vintagegal Date: January 17, 2020, 6:04 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1585.msg45655#msg45655
date=1579191229]
[quote author=Dazi link=topic=1585.msg45645#msg45645
date=1579184817]
I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum
she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I
predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have
to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've
seen it happen.
[/quote]
HER mom won't. HER mom will say, "Oh, please let her help open
the presents! It means so much to her."
[/quote]
And it's CUTE!!!!!
#Post#: 45706--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: vintagegal Date: January 17, 2020, 6:06 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1585.msg45703#msg45703
date=1579257553]
[quote]My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset
when some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents,
and insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was
weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're
toddlers.[/quote]
I honestly can't see anything weird about that, in itself.
(Although if as you say she was generally weird, for all I know
she did it in a weird way.) Toddlers typically start saying
'Mine!!!' around 18 months, and the next year or so is exactly
the stage when they need to learn that there's also 'Yours',
distinguish which is which, and act accordingly. I can see good
reason why she would want to insist on the difference when they
were opening presents; especially if she had bitter experience
of children who hadn't learnt when young to respect other
people's property.
[/quote]
The kids were not having any problem at all, just having fun -
it was MIL who was insisting that the b'day kid had to be the
one to open the presents. She also would get bent out of shape
if she could not take home the leftover b'day cake from any
family party. To the extent that you got the stink-eye if you
went for seconds.
#Post#: 45712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: bopper Date: January 17, 2020, 10:10 am
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THis is why at some birthday parties they have a pass the parcel
game...the wrapped gifts get passed around until the music
stops...and then the birthday kid opens the present in their
hands...but the kids are "involved".
#Post#: 45755--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: LifeOnPluto Date: January 17, 2020, 9:34 pm
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Yeah, this would definitely bother me too, if I were in
Great-Aunt's shoes.
It sounds like Great-Aunt's request was reasonably worded too,
and I don't see this as a case of "interfering old relative
tries to 'parent' someone else's child". Instead, I see it as
"Gift Giver has politely stated a preference for her gift to be
opened by the actual recipient, not by someone else."
At any rate, I suspect in a year or two, the younger sister will
definitely want to start opening her own presents, so hopefully
this will all become a moot point!
#Post#: 45774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: AliciaLynette Date: January 18, 2020, 3:29 am
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[quote author=bopper link=topic=1585.msg45712#msg45712
date=1579277439]
THis is why at some birthday parties they have a pass the parcel
game...the wrapped gifts get passed around until the music
stops...and then the birthday kid opens the present in their
hands...but the kids are "involved".
[/quote]
Minor nitpick - Pass The Parcel has nothing to do with the
birthday gifts, it's just a fun game for the kids to play, with
little trinkets/sweets for each player.
#Post#: 45825--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Star Wars Fan Date: January 18, 2020, 7:43 pm
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[quote author=Shores link=topic=1585.msg45702#msg45702
date=1579252951]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1585.msg45563#msg45563
date=1579071949]
I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't say anything and I'd keep my
mouth shut. You just don't get to tell people how to parent in
situations like that.
Ed.
[/quote]
My gift follows my rules.
[/quote]
Really? Once you give it to someone it's no longer "your gift",
I mean that's the whole point of giving gifts isn't it? I'm
sorry I really don't understand that way of thinking. So we'll
just agree to disagree. ETA: It is just my opinion, but it's
something I firmly believe that you can't tell somebody what to
do with a gift you've given them (even when it's still unopened)
after they've been presented with it.
Ed.
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