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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 45586--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: TootsNYC Date: January 15, 2020, 11:20 am
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I so much see gifts as a way to create connections between me
and the recipient. So it would bother me to have another person
open the gift I gave to a child.
Now, this kid wasn't bothered, so it woudln't be a problem.
But next year, it would be a problem for me, and I WOULD be
pulling that child over to be right next to me when I gave them
the gift.
And I might say to the child's parents (remember these are
siblings or nie-phews) that I felt their habits were interfering
with my bonding with the youngest child, that the gifts were one
of the few ways I have to create a meaningful connection with
them.
It wouldn't be about whether the older child is behaving
properly--it wouldn't be about that child at all.
Of course, I would also be doing things to link myself to the
older child.
#Post#: 45598--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Sycorax Date: January 15, 2020, 2:03 pm
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When it's a 6yo and a 3yo (who doesn't seem to care), I'd leave
it alone, while being secretly annoyed.
Depending on the family dynamics, though, I might try to say
something. I would not want to encourage this behavior in the
older child. The younger child is not going to be OK with this
eventually, and it's definitely not going to be "cute" behavior
in the older child.
#Post#: 45601--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: TootsNYC Date: January 15, 2020, 2:23 pm
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(It's already not cute.)
My mom was really good at shifting our focus to the enjoying of
creating a birthday experience for our sibling.
#Post#: 45620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: vintagegal Date: January 15, 2020, 4:59 pm
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6 year old is gonna be REAL POPULAR when she starts going to her
classmates' birthday parties. Someone better give her a clue
before then.
#Post#: 45630--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Wanaca Date: January 15, 2020, 8:15 pm
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[quote author=vintagegal link=topic=1585.msg45620#msg45620
date=1579129197]
6 year old is gonna be REAL POPULAR when she starts going to her
classmates' birthday parties. Someone better give her a clue
before then.
[/quote]
Oh goodness...I hadn't even thought about this. Oh no. At 6
yrs old (if she has any friends) she will be going to birthday
parties real soon--if not already.
#Post#: 45642--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: vintagegal Date: January 16, 2020, 7:31 am
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My MIL was like the LW, only more so. She got very upset when
some of the grandkids (all under 3) were opening presents, and
insisted, "That's HIS present!! HE has to open it!" She was
weird in many small ways like that. But come on, they're
toddlers.
#Post#: 45645--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Dazi Date: January 16, 2020, 8:26 am
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I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum
she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I
predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have
to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've
seen it happen.
#Post#: 45648--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Hmmm Date: January 16, 2020, 8:44 am
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[quote author=Dazi link=topic=1585.msg45645#msg45645
date=1579184817]
I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum
she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I
predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have
to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've
seen it happen.
[/quote]
Yeah, me too. We were at a party for a 5 year old and one of the
other 5 year olds kept wanting to "help" open the gifts. The
guest's mom kept tried to "gently" pull her back. But after 2 or
3 gifts the mom suggested the bday boy let the girl help him
open the gift from her to him which ended up with her ripping
the paper off, showing it off to everyone and then unboxing it.
Both kids ended up on the floor crying. I was happy when the
bday boy's Dad "gently" ushered the tantrum throwing guest and
her mom to another room and then eased them out the door. Bday
boy came back a few minutes later to open gifts.
Then there was the 6 year old;s party where the older sibling
kept trying to insert himself into opening the gifts. It was so
annoying to constantly hear "Joey, Jimmy is still opening the
other gift. Would you put that one down please." and
uncomfortable to watch the tug of war going on between the
siblings.
#Post#: 45655--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: TootsNYC Date: January 16, 2020, 10:13 am
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[quote author=Dazi link=topic=1585.msg45645#msg45645
date=1579184817]
I can just picture the floor throwing, screaming temper tantrum
she is going to have at the first birthday party she goes to. I
predict an absolute nuclear meltdown where mom is going to have
to pick her and carry out that spoiled screaming child. I've
seen it happen.
[/quote]
HER mom won't. HER mom will say, "Oh, please let her help open
the presents! It means so much to her."
#Post#: 45658--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you insert your opinion on how your gift was being ope
ned.
By: Kimberami Date: January 16, 2020, 10:57 am
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I don't have enough information to decide if she is a "brat" or
"a selfish child with no friends". It's hard for me to blame the
6 year old for acting like a 6 year old. This is situation that
was manufactured by the adults in charge. I stand by the fact
that this was something done in the baby days of the younger
sibling to head off sibling rivalry. Mom (and any other person
with agency over the children) let big sister open gifts for the
baby. Today's peace was bought with future problems.
The 6 year old seems to be able to understand that the present
itself doesn't belong to her. I think that is a very good sign.
If the auntie really has a huge problem with how her gift is
opened, she could do a few things that could help the situation.
At events were everyone will get a gift, she can always hand
both children their gifts at the same time. That way big sister
is occupied with her own present while little sister opens hers.
On single person gifting occasions, she could attempt to engage
the older child in a positive conversation while the younger
child is being given a gift.
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