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#Post#: 44760--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Hmmm Date: January 3, 2020, 4:14 pm
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[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44754#msg44754
date=1578087532]
[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44738#msg44738
date=1578079544]
Either that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the
Mother of the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom,
and feels that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn.
[/quote]
You hit the nail on the head.
[/quote]
It sounds like Jocelyn is a kind and mature person. I doubt she
will feel slighted if guests politely acknowledge the bio-mother
of the groom.
#Post#: 44766--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Jem Date: January 3, 2020, 4:45 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1468.msg44760#msg44760
date=1578089655]
[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44754#msg44754
date=1578087532]
[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44738#msg44738
date=1578079544]
Either that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the
Mother of the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom,
and feels that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn.
[/quote]
You hit the nail on the head.
[/quote]
It sounds like Jocelyn is a kind and mature person. I doubt she
will feel slighted if guests politely acknowledge the bio-mother
of the groom.
[/quote]
Exactly. My adult step kids have been estranged from their
mother for years, despite their (and their dad’s) best attempts
to have her involved in their lives. I have a great relationship
with my step kids and have been the only mother figure in their
lives for many years. At some point one or all will be married,
and let’s say by then they have reconciled with their mom and
invite her to the wedding. Never in a million years would I
expect people to be actively rude to their mom or to do anything
other than be pleasant. My step kids relationship with their mom
does not erase their relationship with me. Greta’s entire
question and view of the situation is just so foreign to me,
especially because Greta is not involved at all!
#Post#: 44769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Winterlight Date: January 3, 2020, 5:53 pm
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Here's the thing. If Adrian wants his mother to be at his
wedding, then the other guests don't have to be her buddy, but
they should be polite. Snubbing her in some bizarre attempt to
pretend that Nadine is not the mother of the groom and Jocelyn
is would be incredibly rude. Greta and Hans would end up causing
stress and drama that the bride and groom don't need on their
wedding day, and they'd look like nasty troublemakers to the
rest of the family. If they can't manage ordinary politeness to
Nadine should they come in contact, then they need to sit the
wedding out.
#Post#: 44773--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: NyaChan Date: January 3, 2020, 8:00 pm
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My paternal cousin married a relative of my aunt’s (not his mom)
husband. The marriage was bad. Ex: She tried to smother my
cousin with a pillow while he slept, threw a hair dryer at his
mom’s head and on a couples trip, exited the car on the highway
(they stopped for fear that she would jump while the car was
moving) and walked for two miles before they could convince her
to get back into the car. The last time I saw her was when my
parents took her in for a week after storming out of their
apartment for the final time so she could wait for her parents
to come get her (they lived in India, we were in the States).
10 years later we ran into her at a family wedding in India and
you know what? We all smiled, nodded, greeted each other
politely and then walked away. It was fine and a non-event.
This doesn’t have to be a big deal if everyone just acts like
adults.
#Post#: 44799--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Hello Ducky Date: January 4, 2020, 3:35 am
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Greta may be surprised to know that Nadine may not even remember
her after all these years. She's definitely overthinking
things.
#Post#: 44805--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: jpcher Date: January 4, 2020, 9:01 am
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I'm with everybody else. Polite. Polite. Polite. is the way to
go.
[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44617#msg44617
date=1578009664]
Should they wait until Nadine approaches them?
[/quote]
Why did this question stick out to me? I'm not sure. What if
Nadine doesn't approach Greta with a greeting? Would that be
food for the gossip mill? "Nadine didn't even talk to me at
all!"
[quote author=Hello Ducky link=topic=1468.msg44799#msg44799
date=1578130514]
Greta may be surprised to know that Nadine may not even remember
her after all these years. She's definitely overthinking
things.
[/quote]
It's not Greta's wedding. She should go, have fun, share the joy
with B&G and not worry about anything else.
#Post#: 44819--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Sycorax Date: January 4, 2020, 1:14 pm
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I agree that Greta seems to be overthinking things. They should
be polite and not insert themselves into any drama. If she still
has bad feelings towards Nadine, she definitely does not need to
go up to her. Pretend Nadine's a stranger - I've never felt the
need to go up and greet everyone I don't know at a wedding.
#Post#: 44821--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: NFPwife Date: January 4, 2020, 1:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1468.msg44760#msg44760
date=1578089655]
[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44754#msg44754
date=1578087532]
[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44738#msg44738
date=1578079544]
Either that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the
Mother of the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom,
and feels that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn.
[/quote]
I agree. If Jocelyn is as lovely as she's described, Greta
honors her and the relationship by being polite. Jocelyn
wouldn't want agita or unpleasantness at the event.
You hit the nail on the head.
[/quote]
It sounds like Jocelyn is a kind and mature person. I doubt she
will feel slighted if guests politely acknowledge the bio-mother
of the groom.
[/quote]
#Post#: 44822--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: TootsNYC Date: January 4, 2020, 1:39 pm
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[quote author=Pandorica link=topic=1468.msg44819#msg44819
date=1578165281]
I agree that Greta seems to be overthinking things. They should
be polite and not insert themselves into any drama. If she still
has bad feelings towards Nadine, she definitely does not need to
go up to her. Pretend Nadine's a stranger - I've never felt the
need to go up and greet everyone I don't know at a wedding.
[/quote]
I do make it a point to greet the parents of the bride and
groom, even if I don't know them. Especially if I don't know
them--I go to make it clear that their child has married into a
friendly and welcoming family that will value them and will also
value and acknowledge their parents. It's a PR tactic.
But in Greta's case, I wouldn't feel any great need to.
Maybe she'd feel less unsettled if she had scripts ready: "it's
so nice that you could be here for Adrian" "I hope you've been
well" "Adrian's bride is a lovely girl, I'm sure they'll be
happy"
#Post#: 44828--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Gellchom Date: January 4, 2020, 2:30 pm
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Of course there are endless things she could say that have
nothing to do with any drama. I like Toots's suggestion about
keeping focus on the bride and groom.
But even this (preparing "scripts") is doing exactly what Greta
says she doesn't want to do, especially if she is talking to
others about it. For her to discuss this with her friend, the
OP, who isn't part of the family, is okay, I suppose. But is
she discussing this non-problem with others in the family? Not
even only Adrian, Jocelyn, and Levi, but even Hans and any other
relatives. "Hey, guys, what are we all going to do about when
we see Nadine at the wedding? Talk to her? Give her the cold
shoulder? Go up to her or wait for her to come to us? We need
to make a plan so that everything will go smoothly." That will
do precisely what she claims she is trying to avoid: draw focus
to herself and her and anyone else's issues with Nadine.
In my opinion, Greta ought to forget (or at least stop talking)
all about this and just act like a gracious, grown-up guest at
the wedding. This isn't an unusual circumstance, and it's not
about her.
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