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#Post#: 44698--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Winterlight Date: January 3, 2020, 10:22 am
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I think the best thing Greta and Hans can do is to be polite and
gracious guests. They don't have to be chummy with Nadine, but
they do have to be courteous. Also, perhaps Greta should
remember that during a divorce a lot of stuff gets said that
isn't necessarily fair to one party or another, and keep in mind
that her own partiality towards her uncle and Jocelyn doesn't
mean that they are saints and Nadine is the evil sinner.
#Post#: 44702--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Aleko Date: January 3, 2020, 10:32 am
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I really can't see how this is an issue at all. Neither of them
is a principal; they're just guests at the same wedding. If at a
wedding one runs into one's uncle's decades-divorced-wife who
one hasn't felt the need to speak to for over 20 years, nothing
is required of either party beyond a civil 'hello, how are you
these days?'. It would be absurd to feign affection; but it
would also be a massive rudeness to the hosts, and the happy
couple, to cut her dead or behave in any way offensively to her.
Whatever she did way back then, they have invited her and today
she is their guest.
As for introducing spouses: if Greta or Hans are with their
spouses when they bump into Nadine, they should probably be
introduced casually, as one would do when meeting any other
distant acquaintance, before moving on; but there is no need to
make a point of bringing them across to her to be introduced. Is
there any reason to suppose that Nadine actually wants to talk
to them any more than they to her? If not, they should just
chill.
#Post#: 44704--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Twik Date: January 3, 2020, 10:36 am
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[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44683#msg44683
date=1578064941]
Well, there are various reasons why Levi got custody of both
Dalton and Adrian. And it was not an amicable divorce.
Greta is assuming (perhaps interestingly so) that Cynthia's
family will host the wedding. Jocelyn simply relayed to Greta
when will Adrian and Cynthia send invitations after Greta asked
for the exact date (she was not sure- only that it would take
place in 2020). Greta has met Cynthia and talked to her sister
online- but has not actually met Cynthia's parents or extended
family.
Greta and Hans remember how much Levi got hurt by Nadine. And
they have witnessed personally how much has Jocelyn helped Levi
heal and be truly joyful- though I do not know how relevant this
will be, other than the fact that it is hard to not be biased.
[/quote]
They need to learn the saying "not my circus, not my monkeys."
Greta hasn't spoken to Nadine in over 20 years. Jocelyn and Levi
are happy, so it all worked out for the best. Greta seems eager
for the opportunity to stir the pot, and she has no right to do
that, any more than she has an obligation to be more than
generally polite if she happens to run into Nadine.
#Post#: 44705--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Hmmm Date: January 3, 2020, 10:36 am
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I think Greta sees her role in the family dynamics as more
central than it is in reality. It's obvious that Nadine's son
has gotten past some of the hurt or pain that was inflicted on
him, the primary injured party. Greta should be taking her cue
from his actions. Greta and her brother were a bystander in this
situation and are only guests at the wedding.
If there are a 100 people at the wedding, no I don't think Greta
has to seek out Nadine to greet her. I doubt Nadine will even
notice if her her ex-husband's niece who she has not seen in 25
years comes to greet her. Under a 100, Nadine and Greta will
probably cross paths during natural circulation and all that
needs to be done is pleasantly greet and introduce anyone that
she does not know.
#Post#: 44711--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: whiterose Date: January 3, 2020, 10:49 am
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44704#msg44704
date=1578069404]
[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44683#msg44683
date=1578064941]
Well, there are various reasons why Levi got custody of both
Dalton and Adrian. And it was not an amicable divorce.
Greta is assuming (perhaps interestingly so) that Cynthia's
family will host the wedding. Jocelyn simply relayed to Greta
when will Adrian and Cynthia send invitations after Greta asked
for the exact date (she was not sure- only that it would take
place in 2020). Greta has met Cynthia and talked to her sister
online- but has not actually met Cynthia's parents or extended
family.
Greta and Hans remember how much Levi got hurt by Nadine. And
they have witnessed personally how much has Jocelyn helped Levi
heal and be truly joyful- though I do not know how relevant this
will be, other than the fact that it is hard to not be biased.
[/quote]
They need to learn the saying "not my circus, not my monkeys."
Greta hasn't spoken to Nadine in over 20 years. Jocelyn and Levi
are happy, so it all worked out for the best. Greta seems eager
for the opportunity to stir the pot, and she has no right to do
that, any more than she has an obligation to be more than
generally polite if she happens to run into Nadine.
[/quote]
Greta certainly does not want to stir the pot. On the contrary.
Hence the questions about how to make things as smooth as
possible .
#Post#: 44716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Aleko Date: January 3, 2020, 11:12 am
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[quote]Greta certainly does not want to stir the pot. On the
contrary. Hence the questions about how to make things as smooth
as possible .[/quote]
Perhaps she needs to realise that it's not for her to make
things smooth; if Nadine's ex-husband and children are all cool
with her coming, it already is smooth, and all she need do is
not overthink her role in this, but just be civil if she meets
her.
#Post#: 44734--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Rose Red Date: January 3, 2020, 12:43 pm
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I agree with everybody. Just act polite like you would any
stranger you just met. Excuse yourself (or just walk away) if
you run into any drama.
#Post#: 44738--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Twik Date: January 3, 2020, 1:25 pm
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[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44711#msg44711
date=1578070173]
Greta certainly does not want to stir the pot. On the contrary.
Hence the questions about how to make things as smooth as
possible .
[/quote]
Not stirring the pot is incredibly easy. She just has to nod if
she meets Nadine, smile and say something nice like "A lovely
wedding."
By bringing this up with other people, I sense Greta is looking
for validation on NOT making it "smooth as possible." Either
that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the Mother of
the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom, and feels
that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn. For example, she
doesn't *have* to seek out Nadine, but if she meets her, she
acts the way one would around a member of the groom's family she
hasn't seen in a long time, and has no particularly strong
feelings about.
This isn't Highlander, where There Can Only Be One.
#Post#: 44747--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: Gellchom Date: January 3, 2020, 2:34 pm
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44738#msg44738
date=1578079544]
[quote author=whiterose link=topic=1468.msg44711#msg44711
date=1578070173]
Greta certainly does not want to stir the pot. On the contrary.
Hence the questions about how to make things as smooth as
possible .
[/quote]
Not stirring the pot is incredibly easy. She just has to nod if
she meets Nadine, smile and say something nice like "A lovely
wedding."
By bringing this up with other people, I sense Greta is looking
for validation on NOT making it "smooth as possible." Either
that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the Mother of
the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom, and feels
that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn. For example, she
doesn't *have* to seek out Nadine, but if she meets her, she
acts the way one would around a member of the groom's family she
hasn't seen in a long time, and has no particularly strong
feelings about.
This isn't Highlander, where There Can Only Be One.
[/quote]
I had a similar sense to the bolded. whiterose, you know Greta,
and we don't, and I believe you that she says, and believes,
that she doesn't want to stir the pot.
But there seems to be no reason to expect that there will be any
drama, or anything close to it, unless she makes it. It simply
isn't a big deal who says hi to whom first, or if she makes a
point of going to say hi to Nadine or just waits until she bumps
into her, so the very making of a plan about it is stirring the
pot or anyway cranking up the drama.
At many, maybe even most, weddings, there are ex-spouses, and
people like Greta and Lars who once were related to one of them
but aren't anymore. And tons of other complicated relationships
much more stressful than this one. It's not a problem unless
someone makes it a problem.
And here, it seems like the stakes could hardly be lower. There
is no mention of anything truly heinous that Nadine has done to
Greta or that she is bothering anyone now. Greta hasn't even
seen Nadine in decades and will probably only see her a few more
times ever -- weddings, funerals. Whereas Jocelyn, Levi, and
Adrian are in a much closer relationship -- and they have
evidently made their peace, at least enough for Adrian to be in
touch and for everyone to be able to get along.
So why does Greta think that her role in this is anything other
than insignificant, or that anyone would care or even notice
whether she makes a point of approaching Nadine or not? It is
hard to escape the feeling that at some level she is hoping for
a little drama or at least self-importance.
It's so easy: "Hi, Nadine. Congratulations! It's been ages;
how have you been? ... Oh, that's nice. What a pretty dress.
Did you get any of that great bean dip? Have a good time!"
What alternatives to simply being pleasant and polite to Nadine
did Greta say she was considering? Cold silence? Confronting
her with 20-year-old grievances? Punch in the snoot? ;)
Adrian's wedding is a time to contribute to his joy and be a
gracious guest, not to make trouble or call attention to
oneself. There is only one choice here that will serve that.
#Post#: 44754--------------------------------------------------
Re: Etiquette towards family of bridal party
By: whiterose Date: January 3, 2020, 3:38 pm
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=1468.msg44738#msg44738
date=1578079544]
Either that or she's unable to adjust to the concept that the
Mother of the Groom isn't the wife of the Father of the Groom,
and feels that talking to her at all would erase Jocelyn.
[/quote]
You hit the nail on the head.
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