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#Post#: 44241--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: Rose Red Date: December 23, 2019, 6:34 pm
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Yup. She was rude. I'm sure even those who said they'd enjoy a
few hours by themselves would agree both people should come to
an agreement first. Your "friend" only thought of herself and
brushed off your questions and concerns and left you hanging.
#Post#: 44248--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 23, 2019, 11:29 pm
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Yeah, your friend was pretty selfish and disrespectful here. I'd
be unimpressed with her. And I don't think a few texts from the
plane make up for how she behaved. Not even saying goodbye,
and/or asking if you'd be ok? That's not how a good friend acts.
#Post#: 44249--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: Aleko Date: December 24, 2019, 3:07 am
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More worrying, to my mind, even than the selfishness and
rudeness is this woman's ability to kid herself that it was
totally OK to grab her chance and leave her friend because she
"just knew", in the teeth of all logic and all the available
information, that her friend would surely be able to follow her
and things would pan out just fine for everyone.
If I were in NyaChan's shoes, if she was a really fun and
interesting person to be around I might - I'm only saying might
- forgive her enough to socialise with her. But I'd never place
any trust in her. This is a woman who in a fire or a flood or
alien invasion would simply bale out and leave me to fend for
myself, saying to herself 'I just know Aleko will be come
through OK!' And it's impossible to consider someone like that
as a real friend; they're just 'someone amusing that I sometimes
spend time with'.
#Post#: 44258--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: NyaChan Date: December 24, 2019, 10:19 am
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Well I’ve caught my traditional post-trip cold and have had some
time to ruminate. For those wondering about our friendship - I
do know her very well and Sara frequently calls me her closest
friend. We have very similar lives despite a nearly 20 year age
gap (30s v late 40s) - difficult family, live alone, no romantic
attachments, similar professions, etc. Our personalities and
priorities are very different though for vacations. Hers are
Not necessarily “bad” different, but different from mine. On a
trip like this or a group outing, I’m looking for time spent
with the people involved even if it means I watch a movie I
wasn’t keen on or sitting with them while they have a dessert
even if I’m ready to go to bed. Sara approaches it more like,
this is a vacation and we shouldn’t waste it doing things we
dont want to. If she wants to take a four hour nap that
overlaps with dinner on formal night, she will even if that
means I eat dinner alone with strangers and then go to a show by
myself because to her, we are each doing what we want (true) so
there is no problem. I think this is kind of the thinking that
what fed into her wanting to go home early, and not really
registering the things that would make that outcome less of a
possibility.
I am already committed to another trip, but it is a large group
trip so I’m not worried about it. We usually text throughout
the day and speak on the phone a couple times a week, but I’ve
not been reaching out. She has been texting me with a hyper
happy tone as if nothing happened so I think she is hoping it
will just go away. I do think she is probably telling a mutual
friend about it to get validation (think that because normally
she does that with me if there is an issue with others and she
accidentally texted me something meant for the mutual friend).
I’m going to just take my space this week. This isn’t a
friendship ender for me, but an adjustment. I’m an experienced
traveler and she left me in a safe airport where I had plenty of
money and access to transportation. I know now not to expect
certain things from her, and I also know that I can put myself
first more in interactions with her without being a bad friend
by Sara’s standards. I’m ultimately more frustrated that I left
my wallet on the plane grrrrr!!
#Post#: 44282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11, more info #23
By: MinMom3 Date: December 24, 2019, 8:49 pm
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Have you called about it? They should be doing a good clean and
find it for you.
#Post#: 44303--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11, more info #23
By: Winterlight Date: December 25, 2019, 6:06 pm
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Fingers crossed that it turns up! I dropped my wallet on a bus
in NYC a few years ago, and some lovely people found it and
called me immediately. I'd already cancelled my credit card, but
it was a relief to have my ID back before I had to get on a bus
home.
I think I would keep this in mind for the future. I wouldn't
write Sara off totally, but I wouldn't be willing to put myself
in a position where I depended on her for something.
#Post#: 44310--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: LifeOnPluto Date: December 25, 2019, 11:27 pm
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1453.msg44258#msg44258
date=1577204383]
Sara approaches it more like, this is a vacation and we
shouldn’t waste it doing things we dont want to. If she wants
to take a four hour nap that overlaps with dinner on formal
night, she will even if that means I eat dinner alone with
strangers and then go to a show by myself because to her, we are
each doing what we want (true) so there is no problem. I think
this is kind of the thinking that what fed into her wanting to
go home early, and not really registering the things that would
make that outcome less of a possibility.
[/quote]
If this is how Sara thinks, why doesn't she just do solo trips?
I think if you (general you) agree to travel with a friend, it's
a bit rich to do everything 100% exactly as you please, without
taking their needs and preferences into consideration.
#Post#: 44351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11
By: Hmmm Date: December 27, 2019, 2:17 pm
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1453.msg44310#msg44310
date=1577338071]
[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1453.msg44258#msg44258
date=1577204383]
Sara approaches it more like, this is a vacation and we
shouldn’t waste it doing things we dont want to. If she wants
to take a four hour nap that overlaps with dinner on formal
night, she will even if that means I eat dinner alone with
strangers and then go to a show by myself because to her, we are
each doing what we want (true) so there is no problem. I think
this is kind of the thinking that what fed into her wanting to
go home early, and not really registering the things that would
make that outcome less of a possibility.
[/quote]
If this is how Sara thinks, why doesn't she just do solo trips?
I think if you (general you) agree to travel with a friend, it's
a bit rich to do everything 100% exactly as you please, without
taking their needs and preferences into consideration.
[/quote]
I wouldn't go that far. I do think that when traveling that it
should be ok for one party to opt out of an activity if it
doesn't interest her. But I'm an introvert so sometimes need my
alone time. But planning for my alone time must be done with
consideration of my traveling partner. I ask if my traveling
companion is ok with me opting out. And if I know friend has a
particular aversion to dining alone but is ok with attending a
museum alone then I'll opt out of the museum instead of the
dinner. I also appreciate traveling with friends who even
suggest some separation so it would be nice to hear "hey, I know
we've had a full day. If you want to bow out of dinner tonight
I'm sure I can find a someone in the tour group to dine with.
#Post#: 44429--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11, more info #23
By: HenrysMom Date: December 30, 2019, 12:47 am
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I had the same sort of thing happen to me, NyaChan, although my
circumstances were different. In my case, my traveling
companions took off for a tour, leaving me stuck by myself in a
foreign city. All day long, I was getting updates and photos
from them, while I was stuck in the hotel (disabled), so I was
quite salty. I ended up venting to my sister about the
situation and calmed down enough to be affable when they finally
returned. Don’t know if I want to travel with them again,
though.
Certainly don’t blame you for re-evaluating your friendship with
Sara. Leaving you behind in the airport without so much as a
“by your leave” is a crap move, which certainly isn’t mitigated
by her texting her concern AFTER she got what she wanted. Her
sweeping it under the rug without so much as an apology is even
worse.
#Post#: 44578--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you take the seat and leave your travel companion behi
nd? Update #11, more info #23
By: bopper Date: January 2, 2020, 10:30 am
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Practically this seems awful! Now you would need to
independently pay for transportation from the airport to
whereever you were going.
I don't think I would travel with her (just you 2)
again...definitely different travelling styles.
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