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#Post#: 43988--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: Star Wars Fan Date: December 18, 2019, 7:12 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1447.msg43905#msg43905
date=1576604979]
[quote author=Despedina link=topic=1447.msg43862#msg43862
date=1576536737]
... We really don't want to stop visiting MIL (and DH is afraid
to alienate Ned) and also if he's in my house acting like this I
won't be able to stay silent anyway.
[/quote]
Why is DH afraid to alienate Ned?
[/quote]
Because they've had a good relationship up until now and he
loves his brother and doesn't want to lose that? Is that so hard
to believe?
Ed.
#Post#: 44000--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: HenrysMom Date: December 19, 2019, 1:08 am
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Your DH should absolutely be on your side in this situation. As
far as the “take separate cars to MIL’s” goes, I’d tell him if
you don’t get backup from him when Ned starts his crap, then you
will be taking yourself and the kids home in the car, and he can
find his own way home. Like you, he’s supposed to protect his
family, and by letting this continue, he’s not doing one of his
primary jobs in life.
Now, if Ned pops off at your house, don’t put up with it, show
him the door. Tell your DH that’s what you’re going to do, and
if he doesn’t have your back, then he’ll be the sole host as you
and the kids will be going out for Chinese food and a movie.
#Post#: 44003--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: Lkdrymom Date: December 19, 2019, 5:46 am
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1447.msg43988#msg43988
date=1576717938]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1447.msg43905#msg43905
date=1576604979]
[quote author=Despedina link=topic=1447.msg43862#msg43862
date=1576536737]
... We really don't want to stop visiting MIL (and DH is afraid
to alienate Ned) and also if he's in my house acting like this I
won't be able to stay silent anyway.
[/quote]
Why is DH afraid to alienate Ned?
[/quote]
Because they've had a good relationship up until now and he
loves his brother and doesn't want to lose that? Is that so hard
to believe?
Ed.
[/quote]
No it isn't but apparently Ned doesn't feel the same way.
#Post#: 44004--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: Runningstar Date: December 19, 2019, 6:22 am
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1447.msg43988#msg43988
date=1576717938]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1447.msg43905#msg43905
date=1576604979]
[quote author=Despedina link=topic=1447.msg43862#msg43862
date=1576536737]
... We really don't want to stop visiting MIL (and DH is afraid
to alienate Ned) and also if he's in my house acting like this I
won't be able to stay silent anyway.
[/quote]
Why is DH afraid to alienate Ned?
[/quote]
Because they've had a good relationship up until now and he
loves his brother and doesn't want to lose that? Is that so hard
to believe?
Ed.
[/quote]
I actually thought that this was a polite way to ask if Ned gets
violent or not. Because - I would bet that he does get violent.
And that is an important clue for how the OP should deal with
this.
#Post#: 44006--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: gramma dishes Date: December 19, 2019, 8:26 am
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[quote author=Runningstar link=topic=1447.msg44004#msg44004
date=1576758155]
I actually thought that this was a polite way to ask if Ned gets
violent or not. Because - I would bet that he does get violent.
And that is an important clue for how the OP should deal with
this.
[/quote]
Your interpretation of my question is correct.
#Post#: 44039--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: Despedina Date: December 19, 2019, 2:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Runningstar link=topic=1447.msg44004#msg44004
date=1576758155]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1447.msg43988#msg43988
date=1576717938]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1447.msg43905#msg43905
date=1576604979]
[quote author=Despedina link=topic=1447.msg43862#msg43862
date=1576536737]
... We really don't want to stop visiting MIL (and DH is afraid
to alienate Ned) and also if he's in my house acting like this I
won't be able to stay silent anyway.
[/quote]
Why is DH afraid to alienate Ned?
[/quote]
Because they've had a good relationship up until now and he
loves his brother and doesn't want to lose that? Is that so hard
to believe?
Ed.
[/quote]
I actually thought that this was a polite way to ask if Ned gets
violent or not. Because - I would bet that he does get violent.
And that is an important clue for how the OP should deal with
this.
[/quote]
Ned has never gotten violent. Ever. He is all mouth.
#Post#: 44078--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: bopper Date: December 20, 2019, 9:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Another thing to do is for you and DH to visit when Ned isn't
there...Tell MIL that you visiting seems to upset Ned, so you
would like to visit when he isn't there. If MIL doesn't like
that, then she may put pressure on Ned.
I also wonder if Ned feels some kind of "ownership" of the
property and resents your DH?
Re: separate cars...ask DH if your sister/mom/dad started
disrespecting him would he be okay if you were like "If you
don't like it, leave? Cuz I am okay with it."
#Post#: 44082--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: TootsNYC Date: December 20, 2019, 1:50 pm
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Since your DH has trouble with confrontation, I wonder if some
coaching from a counselor who specializes in families might help
him come up with scripts and rationales.
He may not think that “going to counseling” is appropriate, but
if a person thinks of them as a coach, this could be useful.
#Post#: 44086--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: chigger Date: December 20, 2019, 4:37 pm
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I think you really need to say, "Ned, this is my area of
expertise", or "Ned, pleased don't fart in my living room" or
"Ned, please don't yell and swear". Your husband is a total
wuss, because he puts of with this kind of bullshit! If my
brothers treated my husband like that, I would tell them to go
jump in a lake! You have so many problems with your husbands
family, for so many years, I would personally run like the wind.
Because your husband is a wuss, that does not have your back. He
will sit there,silent, and let his POS brother abuse you. He
sucks.
#Post#: 44201--------------------------------------------------
Re: Frustration with rude family member - best way to handle wit
h least blowback.
By: Despedina Date: December 23, 2019, 9:43 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1447.msg44082#msg44082
date=1576871426]
Since your DH has trouble with confrontation, I wonder if some
coaching from a counselor who specializes in families might help
him come up with scripts and rationales.
He may not think that “going to counseling” is appropriate, but
if a person thinks of them as a coach, this could be useful.
[/quote]
DH just did start counseling related to weight loss (he had
weight loss surgery a couple of years ago and thought this could
help). These topics are coming up (he's only been to 2 sessions
so far).
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