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#Post#: 42969--------------------------------------------------
Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Hmmm Date: December 2, 2019, 10:59 am
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In the 2nd letter to Miss Manners in the link below, the writer
states they have a couple and young child coming to visit over
the holidays. They have on guest room with a queen size bed that
the couple used before. For this trip, the husband is suggesting
they give the couple the master bedroom because it has a king
size bed. I'm assuming they are expecting the child to sleep
with the parents.
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2019/12/2/in-defense-of-e-cards-for-christmas
If you were a guest, would you be comfortable with moving into
the master bedroom? I know I would not. For one, I wouldn't like
knowing I was literally kicking someone out of their bed. Also,
it would feel like the homeowners may need frequent access to
the room to get clothing or other items they may not have
thought to take with them for the duration of the stay. I would
also feel like in a guest room there would be more closet space
or empty drawer space to use. I wouldn't want to use the
couple's closet as that would feel a little like snooping even
if that is not your purpose.
If my hosts were my own parents, I might be ok with the
arrangement. But I wouldn't even want this accomodation with my
sisters.
What are your thoughts?
#Post#: 42972--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: TootsNYC Date: December 2, 2019, 11:20 am
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I agree with you.
My parents always gave their bedroom to my dad's parents when
they traveled to see us, because it was the only double bed in
the house, and my grandparents were older, so they needed a more
comfortable bed.
I don't remember what my folks did for sleeping; we didn't have
a spare bedroom. Maybe they got the rollaway full-size bed out
and slept on it in a nook in the living room.
And my cousin and his girlfriend visited us for a week when he
was under treatment for the cancer that we knew would take him
from us.
They got our bedroom, so he'd have a door he could close for
sleeping at any time of day. We moved a whole bunch of clothes
out so they wouldn't have to worry about us, and we slept on our
very comfortable queen-size sofa bed (RIP, Castro Convertible
sofas!)
But for pretty much anyone else, they can sleep on that sofa
bed. We do our best to make it seem a little more private.
However, if I had a spare bedroom with a queen-size bed, I'd
never give up my room.
I'd find a bed for the kid somewhere else, even if it was in a
rollaway or an air mattress in their room. Hopefully, there's
just enough room to fit it.
#Post#: 42981--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Hanna Date: December 2, 2019, 11:59 am
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I sleep where I am told as a guest and want my guests to do the
same. One "Are you sure?" is ok, but anything beyond that is
not really gracious. It's a very big deal to me where guests
sleep in my house and though I want them to be comfortable with
the arrangements, I put a great deal of thought into how to
re-arrange my household when hosting people overnight for
maximum comfort for everyone including me, guests, pets, etc.
Also, if you don't listen to me and sleep where I say, you can
expect to have at least one cat involved in disrupting your
night.
That being said, now that I am married I won't be kicking my
husband out of our room to give it away to anyone. That was ok
when it was just me, but not for us.
#Post#: 42982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Aleko Date: December 2, 2019, 12:00 pm
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I would hate knowing that my host(s) had felt obliged to vacate
their own room for me, and it would feel all wrong sleeping
there with their personal stuff. So provided I had reasonably
civilised guest accommodation I wouldn't dream of doing that for
my own guests, unless they had some health or other issue that
made my own room radically more suitable.
In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the
guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom
except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests
giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older',
which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the
parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree
with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone
concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar
in the guest room.
#Post#: 42987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: TootsNYC Date: December 2, 2019, 12:19 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1425.msg42982#msg42982
date=1575309602]
In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the
guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom
except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests
giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older',
which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the
parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree
with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone
concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar
in the guest room.
[/quote]
Except the kid would be sleeping in the same king-size bed as
the parents, under the husband's plan. I can't think of ANY age
at which I'd want my kid sleeping in the bed with us. That means
someone is in the middle and has to crawl over people to get
out!
#Post#: 42989--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Hmmm Date: December 2, 2019, 12:29 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1425.msg42987#msg42987
date=1575310769]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1425.msg42982#msg42982
date=1575309602]
In this case it appears that this family have stayed in the
guest room before, that it is equivalent to the master bedroom
except for the bed size, and that the husband only suggests
giving them the master bedroom because the child is now 'older',
which implies that the child slept in the same bed as the
parents, and they expect him/her to do the same again. I agree
with Miss Manners that it would be far pleasanter for everyone
concerned for the child to be given a futon, camp bed or similar
in the guest room.
[/quote]
Except the kid would be sleeping in the same king-size bed as
the parents, under the husband's plan. I can't think of ANY age
at which I'd want my kid sleeping in the bed with us. That means
someone is in the middle and has to crawl over people to get
out!
[/quote]
I agree. If a young toddler, I'd be making a pallet on the floor
for him. An older one would be offered the sofa or I'd get a
camp cot.
#Post#: 42992--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Hanna Date: December 2, 2019, 12:35 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1425.msg42982#msg42982
date=1575309602]
I would hate knowing that my host(s) had felt obliged to vacate
their own room for me, and it would feel all wrong sleeping
there with their personal stuff. So provided I had reasonably
civilised guest accommodation I wouldn't dream of doing that for
my own guests, unless they had some health or other issue that
made my own room radically more suitable.
[/quote]
I agree in the main. I’ve done it in the past because it offered
both me and my guests the most privacy, due to the layout of my
house. Also because the master bedroom and bathroom are on one
floor, while the other bedrooms are on the 3rd without a
bathroom on that floor. I don’t like my guests (especially older
ones) having to use the staircase in the middle of the night in
the event that they needed the bathroom.
When it’s not close family I clear out my bedroom enough that it
is not immediately evident that it’s where I normally sleep. It
took my last guests a few days before they realized it was the
master.
#Post#: 42994--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: December 2, 2019, 12:45 pm
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We have given the master bedroom and slept on the sofa bed in
past times, because we had dogs who would be up at the crack of
dawn and needed to go out, which due to the layout of our house
would mean traipsing straight through the living room, probably
waking the guests. This gave everyone better sleep, more privacy
and less disturbance. Depends on circumstance, but as a guest I
would not demand (or even ask) that of my hosts.
#Post#: 42996--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: Sycorax Date: December 2, 2019, 12:51 pm
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In general, I don't think I'd give up the master bedroom to a
guest or want to take the master bedroom from my hosts, unless
there were special circumstances like health issues, etc.
If the child is a toddler or older, I really doubt the guest
couple would actually want to share the bed with them. Kids are
terrible to share a bed with.
#Post#: 43006--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving guests the master bedroom
By: TootsNYC Date: December 2, 2019, 2:16 pm
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[quote author=Copper Horsewoman
link=topic=1425.msg42994#msg42994 date=1575312324]
We have given the master bedroom and slept on the sofa bed in
past times, because we had dogs who would be up at the crack of
dawn and needed to go out, which due to the layout of our house
would mean traipsing straight through the living room, probably
waking the guests. This gave everyone better sleep, more privacy
and less disturbance. Depends on circumstance, but as a guest I
would not demand (or even ask) that of my hosts.
[/quote]
I just had a flashback of the women's retreat for church held at
a vacation home, where the older ladies got the bedroom and I
(and several others) were on cots in the living room.
We were required to clean the apartment before we left (since we
were getting it for free instead of paying for the homeowner's
cleaning service), and the older ladies had volunteered for that
crew.
I was driving. And was still feeling the deficit from my
late-night drive into the town. And I had to drive back later
that day.
So at 2 hours before the rest of us had to get up, the older
ladies were up vacuuming the whole area and clanging dishes and
calling to one another.
Boy was I mad. I get that the older ladies might have needed a
bit less "roughing it," but honestly, I should have been
sleeping in the closed room.
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