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#Post#: 42866--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: November 29, 2019, 9:56 pm
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Thanks all. I was expecting more responses to be along the lines
of "It's your mother! Of course you have to attend her lunch!"
etc.
To answer some questions, yes, I will be staying with my mum
during the week I am home. And yes, her lunch is intended to be
at lunchtime (eg around 1pm).
Will and Cathy live a 20 minute drive away, so I think I will
try and do the two-lunch thing. One course at Mum's, and one
course at Will and Cathy's place.
#Post#: 42873--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Aleko Date: November 30, 2019, 4:31 am
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[quote]It would appear Mom is more interested in the food being
served at the family gathering than spending time with the
family.[/quote]
I don't think that's entirely fair. Many people feel that the
ceremonial / ritual aspect of Christmas Dinner is important,
often to the extent of getting hung up on quite minor details
("How can you have Christmas dinner without Brussels sprouts?"
"It's not Christmas dinner unless you pull crackers and WEAR the
paper hats!"). If Mom is one of them, it's possible that she
really feels that the cousins are, essentially, sweeping
Christmas under the carpet and hosting a housewarming instead.
#Post#: 42877--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Rose Red Date: November 30, 2019, 6:31 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1418.msg42873#msg42873
date=1575109872]
[quote]It would appear Mom is more interested in the food being
served at the family gathering than spending time with the
family.[/quote]
I don't think that's entirely fair. Many people feel that the
ceremonial / ritual aspect of Christmas Dinner is important,
often to the extent of getting hung up on quite minor details
("How can you have Christmas dinner without Brussels sprouts?"
"It's not Christmas dinner unless you pull crackers and WEAR the
paper hats!"). If Mom is one of them, it's possible that she
really feels that the cousins are, essentially, sweeping
Christmas under the carpet and hosting a housewarming instead.
[/quote]
The timing is important too. The brunch could have started
around 9 or 10am and mom *did" graciously accept the invitation
to be there with the family and planned lunch with her neighbors
around 1 or 2pm, or later. Now that Cathy and Will changed to a
traditional lunch (due to pressure?) both events are now the
same time.
Notice how there was no conflict for the OP until Cathy and Will
changed their invitation. It wasn't mom who changed anything. In
fact, I applaud her for not cancelling on her neighbors so she
can attend the big fun family event. Sounds like mom *does* care
about people.
#Post#: 42886--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Aleko Date: November 30, 2019, 10:42 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]Can your mother change her mind about hosting and ask
Will and Cathy if she can bring those three extras to the family
lunch? It's only three extra people, right?[/quote]
Except it's not only 'three extra people'; it's three elderly
total strangers. Some hosts and families may have the 'more the
merrier, come one come all' attitude to absorb that imposed
addition to a family gathering, but many others just don't roll
that way.
Not to mention that of course LoP's mother's friends may well be
as prim, proper and traditionalist in their outlook as LoP's
mother herself, and just as uneasy with Will and Cathy's style
of hosting as she is.
#Post#: 42887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Hanna Date: November 30, 2019, 10:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1418.msg42886#msg42886
date=1575132135]
[quote]Can your mother change her mind about hosting and ask
Will and Cathy if she can bring those three extras to the family
lunch? It's only three extra people, right?[/quote]
Except it's not only 'three extra people'; it's three elderly
total strangers. Some hosts and families may have the 'more the
merrier, come one come all' attitude to absorb that imposed
addition to a family gathering, but many others just don't roll
that way.
Not to mention that of course LoP's mother's friends may well be
as prim, proper and traditionalist in their outlook as LoP's
mother herself, and just as uneasy with Will and Cathy's style
of hosting as she is.
[/quote]
I agree, I think that’s too much to ask. I’d suggest that Mom
change her timing and invite them for another time.
#Post#: 42890--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 30, 2019, 12:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1418.msg42866#msg42866
date=1575086213]
Thanks all. I was expecting more responses to be along the lines
of "It's your mother! Of course you have to attend her lunch!"
etc.
To answer some questions, yes, I will be staying with my mum
during the week I am home. And yes, her lunch is intended to be
at lunchtime (eg around 1pm).
Will and Cathy live a 20 minute drive away, so I think I will
try and do the two-lunch thing. One course at Mum's, and one
course at Will and Cathy's place.
[/quote]
I'd vote lunch at Will and Cathy's, and back to Mom's for the
tail-end of dessert.
#Post#: 42893--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Bada Date: November 30, 2019, 1:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1418.msg42890#msg42890
date=1575138289]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1418.msg42866#msg42866
date=1575086213]
Thanks all. I was expecting more responses to be along the lines
of "It's your mother! Of course you have to attend her lunch!"
etc.
To answer some questions, yes, I will be staying with my mum
during the week I am home. And yes, her lunch is intended to be
at lunchtime (eg around 1pm).
Will and Cathy live a 20 minute drive away, so I think I will
try and do the two-lunch thing. One course at Mum's, and one
course at Will and Cathy's place.
[/quote]
I'd vote lunch at Will and Cathy's, and back to Mom's for the
tail-end of dessert.
[/quote]
Isn't this all contingent on who is the better cook?! :D
#Post#: 42953--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: Hmmm Date: December 2, 2019, 8:19 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1418.msg42873#msg42873
date=1575109872]
[quote]It would appear Mom is more interested in the food being
served at the family gathering than spending time with the
family.[/quote]
I don't think that's entirely fair. Many people feel that the
ceremonial / ritual aspect of Christmas Dinner is important,
often to the extent of getting hung up on quite minor details
("How can you have Christmas dinner without Brussels sprouts?"
"It's not Christmas dinner unless you pull crackers and WEAR the
paper hats!"). If Mom is one of them, it's possible that she
really feels that the cousins are, essentially, sweeping
Christmas under the carpet and hosting a housewarming instead.
[/quote]
But that is exactly what I meant. Mom was more concerned about
the details of Christmas meal than the celebration aspect of
being together as a family.
I find it unfortunate when one generation is unwilling to allow
a different generation set a new style of celebrating. Mom's had
at least 50 years of celebrating her preferred way.
Even if the brunch was being served at 10am, that would still
mean the OP and her mother would need to leave by 11:30 at the
latest to get home to welcome guests at 1pm for a big lunch. To
me, it was unfair of Mom to make that decision without
consulting her visiting daughter on whether she wanted such a
rushed and busy Christmas morning.
#Post#: 42955--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: lowspark Date: December 2, 2019, 8:32 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1418.msg42887#msg42887
date=1575132778]
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1418.msg42886#msg42886
date=1575132135]
[quote]Can your mother change her mind about hosting and ask
Will and Cathy if she can bring those three extras to the family
lunch? It's only three extra people, right?[/quote]
Except it's not only 'three extra people'; it's three elderly
total strangers. Some hosts and families may have the 'more the
merrier, come one come all' attitude to absorb that imposed
addition to a family gathering, but many others just don't roll
that way.
Not to mention that of course LoP's mother's friends may well be
as prim, proper and traditionalist in their outlook as LoP's
mother herself, and just as uneasy with Will and Cathy's style
of hosting as she is.
[/quote]
I agree, I think that’s too much to ask. I’d suggest that Mom
change her timing and invite them for another time.
[/quote]
Right. That's why I asked it as a question, "Can your
mother...?" as opposed to presenting it as the definitive
solution, "Your mother should..."
Because yes, some families do have a "more the merrier" vibe.
So... if they do, here's a possible solution. If they don't,
then, oh well, it was just an idea.
#Post#: 42959--------------------------------------------------
Re: Competing Christmas lunches! Which to attend?
By: oogyda Date: December 2, 2019, 9:48 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1418.msg42866#msg42866
date=1575086213]
Thanks all. I was expecting more responses to be along the lines
of "It's your mother! Of course you have to attend her lunch!"
etc.
To answer some questions, yes, I will be staying with my mum
during the week I am home. And yes, her lunch is intended to be
at lunchtime (eg around 1pm).
Will and Cathy live a 20 minute drive away, so I think I will
try and do the two-lunch thing. One course at Mum's, and one
course at Will and Cathy's place.
[/quote]
That's a nice compromise, if you can make it work. My hope is
that you'll have a bite at Mom's and leave as soon as possible
to go to Will and Cathy's place. If it were me, I wouldn't care
if I got to eat there as long as I got to spend some time with
the hosts and the cousins that will be there.
I have similar issues with my mom when I travel interstate to
visit her. There are things I want to do or people I want to
see and she can sometimes be resentful. I've learned to state
my intentions rather than ask her permission in any way.
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