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#Post#: 42658--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: TeamBhakta Date: November 26, 2019, 12:23 am
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[quote author=velly j link=topic=1414.msg42632#msg42632
date=1574701002]
All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes
this person disliked?
[/quote]
It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a
cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me.
She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross."
Which is not true :o
#Post#: 42670--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: gramma dishes Date: November 26, 2019, 8:54 am
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[quote author=TeamBhakta link=topic=1414.msg42658#msg42658
date=1574749385]
[quote author=velly j link=topic=1414.msg42632#msg42632
date=1574701002]
All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes
this person disliked?
[/quote]
It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a
cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me.
She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross."
Which is not true :o
[/quote]
Good grief! No wonder no one likes her. Of all the reasons I
could think of, this is one that would NEVER have come to mind!
:o
#Post#: 42674--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: Titanica Date: November 26, 2019, 9:56 am
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1414.msg42649#msg42649
date=1574716959]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42643#msg42643
date=1574714769]
[quote author=Titanica link=topic=1414.msg42626#msg42626
date=1574695312]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42595#msg42595
date=1574624799]
Not even a little bit.
I don’t like lying.
[/quote]
You can "not lie" without being rude.
[/quote]
I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you,
I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
[/quote]
It may not be "nice", but that doesn't mean it's rude. I agree
that if someone is going to ask, they deserve the truth, but
she's probably digging for an answer that will make her feel
wanted.
[/quote]
I still disagree. I think it's rude. It's intended to be
hurtful, and I believe that's rude by definition. But even if
it wasn't rude, it's unnecessary.
#Post#: 42678--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: Hanna Date: November 26, 2019, 11:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1414.msg42670#msg42670
date=1574780043]
[quote author=TeamBhakta link=topic=1414.msg42658#msg42658
date=1574749385]
[quote author=velly j link=topic=1414.msg42632#msg42632
date=1574701002]
All of the above suggestions are good. What is it that makes
this person disliked?
[/quote]
It's a long list of things. The last straw for me was when a
cashier told me "I know you don't like me. (Co-worker) told me.
She said you say I sniff your food containers & I'm gross."
Which is not true :o
[/quote]
Good grief! No wonder no one likes her. Of all the reasons I
could think of, this is one that would NEVER have come to mind!
:o
[/quote]
We need a jaw dropping smiley.
#Post#: 42691--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: myfamily Date: November 26, 2019, 2:31 pm
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[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42643#msg42643
date=1574714769]
[quote author=Titanica link=topic=1414.msg42626#msg42626
date=1574695312]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42595#msg42595
date=1574624799]
Not even a little bit.
I don’t like lying.
[/quote]
You can "not lie" without being rude.
[/quote]
I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you,
I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
[/quote]
No, they are trying to get you to tell them that you miss them
so they can feel good about themselves. That is the only reason
why people ask if you've missed them - they want to hear that
you do and that therefore they are worthwhile. You certainly
don't have to lie to them, but you don't have to be cruelly
honest either. A simple 'we've definitely noticed a difference
without you here' is the truth and not cruel.
#Post#: 42693--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: lakey Date: November 26, 2019, 2:33 pm
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[quote]
Re: We don't miss you
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2019, 03:22:39 pm »
Quote
Quote from: SioCat on November 25, 2019, 02:46:09 pm
Quote from: Titanica on November 25, 2019, 09:21:52 am
Quote from: SioCat on November 24, 2019, 01:46:39 pm
Not even a little bit.
I don’t like lying.
You can "not lie" without being rude.
I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you,
I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
It may not be "nice", but that doesn't mean it's rude. I agree
that if someone is going to ask, they deserve the truth, but
she's probably digging for an answer that will make her feel
wanted. [/quote]
There's a difference between workplace behavior and social life
behavior. Being open about the fact that you don't like a
co-worker creates problems in the workplace. You have to be
around these people on a daily basis. If morale in the
workplace is bad, it affects other employees, customers, and
clients. I've been in a workplace where there are cliques of
people who openly dislike each other. It's miserable. Showing
open dislike of co-workers is unprofessional. If an employee's
behavior is so bad that everyone dislikes them, that is a
management failure.
For this incident, telling the co-worker, "Things are fine,"
isn't a lie. It also doesn't add to the problems in the
workplace.
#Post#: 42697--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: lakey Date: November 26, 2019, 3:00 pm
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Sorry. Not sure what went wrong with my use of the quote tool.
::)
#Post#: 42960--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: oogyda Date: December 2, 2019, 9:57 am
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[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42643#msg42643
date=1574714769]
[quote author=Titanica link=topic=1414.msg42626#msg42626
date=1574695312]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42595#msg42595
date=1574624799]
Not even a little bit.
I don’t like lying.
[/quote]
You can "not lie" without being rude.
[/quote]
I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you,
I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
[/quote]
But, they don't want the truth. They want their ego stroked and
I've had far too emotionally needy people in my life to want to
play that game.
I'm not setting out to be hurtful. If I were, I would tell you
my feelings without being asked. That's being polite and kind.
#Post#: 42976--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: Aleko Date: December 2, 2019, 11:44 am
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I suppose one could always go off on a philosophical riff along
the lines of:
"It's amazing how little any individual is really missed in a
workplace, however long-serving and valued they are. In my
working life I've seen many key workers with big personalities
leaving a team while everybody wondered how on earth we would
manage without them, and a few months later we could hardly
remember what it had been like having them there. And when I've
gone back to visit workplaces I'd left, I've realised that the
gap I'd left behind had just closed up seamlessly behind me,
too."
If one wanted to convey the truth - "no, we don't miss you" -
without being rude or overtly dismissive, I think that would
just about pass muster. There's no way to make that news
not-hurtful to a person who fondly hoped to be told the
opposite, but I don't think it could legitimately be held
against one, and it lets them keep their dignity. Though TBH I
don't think I'd bother, and would either bean dip or give a joke
answer.
#Post#: 42978--------------------------------------------------
Re: We don't miss you
By: Hanna Date: December 2, 2019, 11:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1414.msg42960#msg42960
date=1575302235]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42643#msg42643
date=1574714769]
[quote author=Titanica link=topic=1414.msg42626#msg42626
date=1574695312]
[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1414.msg42595#msg42595
date=1574624799]
Not even a little bit.
I don’t like lying.
[/quote]
You can "not lie" without being rude.
[/quote]
I didn’t think it was rude. If you ask me if I’ve missed you,
I’m going to assume you wanted the truth.
[/quote]
But, they don't want the truth. They want their ego stroked and
I've had far too emotionally needy people in my life to want to
play that game.
I'm not setting out to be hurtful. If I were, I would tell you
my feelings without being asked. That's being polite and kind.
[/quote]
SioCat, do you feel like everyone has a right to your private
thoughts? That's how I think about this. Just because someone
asks how I feel about something, does not mean I have an
obligation to share it. I don't think it's rude to deflect;
actually it's a matter of self-preservation sometimes.
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