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#Post#: 42471--------------------------------------------------
When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: sandisadie Date: November 22, 2019, 11:48 am
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This a.m. I had finished my shopping at Walmart and was on the
main front isle heading to the door when I saw ahead of me, in
the middle of the wide isle an empty cart with a large black
purse in it. At that moment I was the only person pushing a
cart within many, many feet of my position and no one was
walking or standing anywhere near me except for a couple facing
away from me at the front wall. They were at least six feet
from this cart with the purse. As I got next to the purse &
cart I stopped and was thinking that maybe I should get an
employee to see if this was an abandoned cart. Just then the
female of the duo at the wall turned and walked toward me and
then in front of me and grabbed the cart. I was tempted to tell
her how dangerous it was to leave her purse and turn her back on
it, but instead I just smiled and walked on. I usually mind my
own business, but maybe that's not always best. Anyone have a
thought along these lines?
#Post#: 42472--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Kimberami Date: November 22, 2019, 11:55 am
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She probably had a brain fart. This type of thing is a self
correcting error.
The only time I would ever offer comment to a stranger is if
someone is in real danger.
#Post#: 42473--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 22, 2019, 11:58 am
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In this situation, I would probably not have advised or
lectured. That feels out of place and would likely place her on
the defensive only causing more drama than intended. I might
have commented something like "Oh, I am so glad that this is
your bag; I was worried that it was abandoned." I realize that
that's a bit passive aggressive, but it does give her notice
without feeling like I'm advising a stranger.
#Post#: 42474--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Aleko Date: November 22, 2019, 12:05 pm
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I'm 100% certain that, as soon as it dawned on her that she had
left her purse in her as-good-as abandoned cart, it came over
her with horrid clarity just how good the chances were of never
seeing it again. And if, just as she got back to it with an
adrenalin-rush of relief, some passing stranger had bossily
advised her how dangerous it was to leave her purse and turn her
back on it, she would have seethed with annoyance (hopefully in
silence, but you couldn't count on that). She didn't need anyone
to tell her.
#Post#: 42478--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: bopper Date: November 22, 2019, 1:10 pm
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That is like the time I stubbed my toe on a corner. My DH said
something like "that was dumb" or "you shouldn't do
that"...duh.
Not helpful. Is it helpful for you to tell her not to forget
her purse? no.
Is it helpful to say something like "maam, you forgot your cart"
if you knew it was hers? yes
Is it helpful to say "The shoe section is over there" if you
hear them wondering where it is.
Is it helpful to say "I really like the Dyson" (and then walk
away) if they are looking at which Vacuum to buy? Somewhat
#Post#: 42484--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Jem Date: November 22, 2019, 1:18 pm
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[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=1412.msg42471#msg42471
date=1574444898]
As I got next to the purse & cart I stopped and was thinking
that maybe I should get an employee to see if this was an
abandoned cart. Just then the female of the duo at the wall
turned and walked toward me and then in front of me and grabbed
the cart. I was tempted to tell her how dangerous it was to
leave her purse and turn her back on it, but instead I just
smiled and walked on. I usually mind my own business, but maybe
that's not always best. Anyone have a thought along these
lines?
[/quote]
I imagine she may have thought you were considering stealing the
purse! Anyway, I agree with the posters who have pointed out
that this woman really doesn't need your advice. It's not
something rational adults need to be told, and some people allow
more risk in their lives than others.
I am reminded of a couple of occasions when I have come across
young children (like under three years old) seemingly alone in a
public place. I always struggle with how to handle this because
I certainly don't want the parents or guardians to think I am
creepily watching their child, but I also want to thwart anyone
who actually IS creepily watching the child and planning to
abduct them. I have comforted kids who were crying and helped
them find their parents, and usually this is appreciated but not
always. Otherwise I will stop and wait until a person the child
obviously knows approaches them. I absolutely would not lecture
the parents/guardians about keeping an eye on their kid though.
#Post#: 42487--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Shores Date: November 22, 2019, 1:36 pm
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I would ignore it, I don’t nanny others when I go shopping. If
they leave their purse in the cart, it’s probably going to get
stolen by someone who isn’t me and that’s not my problem.
#Post#: 42489--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Aleko Date: November 22, 2019, 1:43 pm
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[quote]I would ignore it, I don’t nanny others when I go
shopping. If they leave their purse in the cart, it’s probably
going to get stolen by someone who isn’t me and that’s not my
problem.[/quote]
If I saw someone absent-mindedly leave their purse (or any other
stealable item) and wander off, I would certainly alert them.
What I wouldn't do is lecture them!
#Post#: 42490--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Rose Red Date: November 22, 2019, 1:51 pm
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In this case, I would have kept walking. Six feet away is not
that far and she was probably able to keep glancing at her cart,
and/or notice someone walking by. There are people who doesn't
seem to be paying attention but are actually very aware of their
surroundings. It's an excellent gift which I don't have.
My first thought was that she thought you were going to take her
purse when you stopped right next to her cart. If you wish to
help, it would have been better if you stopped further away to
keep an eye out for the owner or an employee.
#Post#: 42491--------------------------------------------------
Re: When to Offer Advice to a Stranger
By: Shores Date: November 22, 2019, 2:23 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1412.msg42489#msg42489
date=1574451837]
[quote]I would ignore it, I don’t nanny others when I go
shopping. If they leave their purse in the cart, it’s probably
going to get stolen by someone who isn’t me and that’s not my
problem.[/quote]
If I saw someone absent-mindedly leave their purse (or any other
stealable item) and wander off, I would certainly alert them.
What I wouldn't do is lecture them!
[/quote]
Maybe they didn’t care or weren’t worried about it, either way
it’s not my responsibility to remind women to watch their
purses, that’s their responsibility.
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