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#Post#: 42414--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Winterlight Date: November 21, 2019, 10:21 am
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I think erring on the side of compassion towards a teen who's
probably mortified would have been a better response on your
friend's part. Heaven knows, I've woken up to Shark Week in my
bed on more than one occasion, and while it sucks, it's not
something someone should be shamed for.
#Post#: 42422--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Aleko Date: November 21, 2019, 11:21 am
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On a slightly different tack: it's only human to want an apology
when somebody has damaged your property, or otherwise caused you
distress, but if they don't come out with one of their own
accord it's very rarely a good idea to go demanding one, still
less trying to shame then into apologising or threatening
sanctions if they don't. People who are coerced into apologising
resent it bitterly, however much they know they were the ones in
the wrong.
My feeling is - though I have had guests whose conduct in my
house certainly called for an apology, and my desire to berate
them till they choked one out was huge - that you either decide
quietly to yourself that unless they spontaneously apologise
you'll never invite that person again, or you just make yourself
get over it and live without one.
#Post#: 42423--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: wolfie Date: November 21, 2019, 12:16 pm
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I have never leaked to the point of "soaking" a mattress. If
that is true and not an exaggeration she might want to tell her
niece to see a doctor because that seems like there might be an
issue there. I would want to check that she doesn't have endo or
something else.
#Post#: 42436--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: bopper Date: November 21, 2019, 2:52 pm
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Her niece was probably completely mortified and didn't know what
to do.
You could talk to her mom about what happened and ask her to
talk to her daughter about how to 1) Prevent that sort of thing
2) Talk to the host ASAP
#Post#: 42455--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: 4Children Date: November 21, 2019, 10:13 pm
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I think she should just let it go. If her attitude is such that
her niece can't ever stay there again then that attitude would
leak through no matter what she says. And she wasn't looking to
say anything nice to begin with, she just wants to get an
acknowledgement of wrong doing.
#Post#: 42461--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Hanna Date: November 22, 2019, 7:18 am
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If the situation was so bad that your friend had to throw out
all the sheets and blankets instead of washing them, I think she
should be more concerned about her niece’s physical health than
her manners.
I think it would be a kindness to call her and say “Sweetie are
you having problems with your period? If you need someone to
talk to about it I am here. I know you were probably too
embarrassed to tell me what happened but I want you to know I
understand.”
They used to be close and it sounds like niece could use some
family around her right now. Her Dad sending her to stay there
because he was away is a good indicator of that. It’s very
difficult being the child of divorced parents and being tossed
about. Teen years are hard enough without that. I hope your
friend will cut her some slack and give her some love.
#Post#: 42509--------------------------------------------------
Menstruation question UPDATE #36
By: jpcher Date: November 22, 2019, 5:09 pm
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UPDATE:
I talked to Friend yesterday. During our conversation I asked
"How's things with Niece?"
Friend said "Oh, I'm over that. What's done is done, can't be
erased. I probably sounded like a Queen Beyotch when I talked to
you last time."
I laughed and said "Yeah, that's a gentle way of putting it."
She laughed and said "I never should have brought it up with
you. I was just so angry last time when you called."
I asked her if she talked to Niece about the situation, she said
"NO! (pause) No, why should I? That's her mother's job, not
mine."
I didn't say anything at this point, it probably would have been
the perfect time to interject some of your thoughts, but I let
it ride.
Friend said "Next time she comes to visit I certainly will ask
if she's on her period and, if she says yes, I'll explain the
way things are done in my home . . . so what's new with you?"
Thank you all for your gentle, kind responses . . . I think
Friend has it handled. I will bring up some of your thoughts if
it's mentioned again, but it seems like Friend was originally
talking in the heat of the moment.
AND it sounds like it's none of my business any more. I won't
bring the subject up again unless Friend initiates a
conversation about it.
#Post#: 42513--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question UPDATE #36
By: Hanna Date: November 22, 2019, 7:46 pm
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That’s a good update, jpcher.
#Post#: 42528--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question UPDATE #36
By: oogyda Date: November 23, 2019, 6:50 am
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It does sound like friend was just venting. However her plan to
inquire if niece is menstruating the next time she stays is very
off putting. It has the potential for all the negative effects
that demanding an apology would have. If friend wouldn't ask
every female guest that question, she shouldn't ask niece.
#Post#: 42544--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question UPDATE #36
By: Sycorax Date: November 23, 2019, 12:16 pm
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Glad she's calmer about it -- her reaction seemed way over the
top. I'd probably be upset at having to clean up a surprise
mess, but the situation didn't seem as dire as she was making it
out to be.
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