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#Post#: 42217--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: lowspark Date: November 18, 2019, 11:44 am
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Is the issue that the mattress got soaked, or is it that since
niece didn't report it, it was a few days before it was noticed?
Because it seems to me that any damage that was done, was done.
I mean, if it was that much blood, even if it had been reported
that morning, I'm not sure it could have been mitigated. Maybe
I'm wrong?
These things happen. And if you are asleep, you often do not
even know it is happening till you wake up. It's not like niece
deliberately soiled the bed. It was an accident. I'd be
surprised to learn that any adult female has never had an issue
with leakage, especially at night when you're unawares.
So no, I wouldn't say anything. I'd buy a mattress pad. And I'd
get over it.
#Post#: 42222--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Gellchom Date: November 18, 2019, 12:15 pm
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I agree with all the others. I'm just chiming in to add that I
especially like the comments of those who encourage the aunt to
speak to her niece to include something to the effect of "This
is something that happens to all of us women!" (and maybe even
adding a "You think this was bad? Wait til you hear about the
time I ...." story.) I can imagine how much that would mean to
a mortified teen who probably thinks that she is the only one.
jpcher, I'm really sorry you even wondered if menstruation was
an "off topic." There is nothing wrong, shameful, or dirty
about menstruation. (I know you know that -- I just mean I wish
it went without question that we all feel that way here.) Too
bad society makes us feel otherwise; that's the kind of thing
that contributes to this poor teen's embarrassment. Not that it
takes much to embarrass a teen, though!
#Post#: 42235--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: JeanFromBNA Date: November 18, 2019, 1:33 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1406.msg42152#msg42152
date=1574007920]
Is she looking for compensation? If not, I'd leave it alone. If
your friend want to say something, make sure she be sensitive
and that niece can come to her for anything because it's easier
to solve if she knows the issue right away.
If niece never had a history of causing trouble or hiding
things. I agree the niece was probably embarrassed and chose
flight instead of "fight" and just hoping it will go away.
I admit your friend's reaction of never inviting niece for a
sleepover again makes me wonder about their relationship. If
niece is normally a decent person, I'm sure she'd do anything to
prevent the same thing from happening again. Is there a reason
your friend doesn't believe the same?
[/quote]
This is where I'm heading. If niece is normally a thoughtful
girl, I'd chalk it up to overwhelming embarrassment, brain fog,
and possibly pain (I had a huge problem with the latter two),
and remind her that she can talk to her aunt anytime, regardless
of how difficult it is. However, if she doesn't flush, leaves
dishes on the table, and clothes on the floor, then I'd have a
stronger word with her, and may reconsider having her stay over.
I wouldn't go to SIL first.
#Post#: 42243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Rose Red Date: November 18, 2019, 2:32 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1406.msg42178#msg42178
date=1574065314]
[quote]I would like the poster who disagreed with every post to
give his/her 2 cents please?[/quote]
Me too! The posts were so various, and most of them containing
more than one remark, that it's impossible to tell what the beef
is.
[/quote]
You all made me curious so I looked at the lists and found out
who was disagreeing. While what the niece did was technically
rude (and gross) by not speaking up, I think it's women who is
or was a teenager who can understand more on this subject.
Break my laptop and hide it? I'd be mad. This? Even though I'd
be upset because mattresses and bedding are expensive, I can
still understand her embarrassment and wanting to crawl into a
hole. Especially if the girl and the aunt doesn't have a
comfortable relationship.
#Post#: 42245--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: VorFemme Date: November 18, 2019, 2:59 pm
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I had this happen when we had company in 2007 for DD's wedding.
I don't know if it was my nieces or their friend - possibly even
my sister-in-law...but by the time I found out about the stain,
it had set and was going to take a lot of work to get it faded
to the point where it no longer grossed me out.
I had to drive a bridesmaid home and then go to the newlyweds'
house to help them unpack & move as he was on crutches due to a
torn ligament and she was limping from stepping on broken glass
(an amateur painter "cleaned" up some of the broken glass from a
damaged porch light - but left some on the step going down where
it ended up cutting through the sole of her beach sandal).
I got home several weeks later and finally got around to
cleaning up the guest room...VorGuy and VorSon were in blissful
ignorance of the situation. I was quite upset at the time - but
looking back...I had something similar happen to me at least
once (normally, my period was almost a perfect 28 day cycle -
but if I ever counted on it because my family was traveling and
we were going to get home the next day...it would be a day
early).
#Post#: 42246--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Girlie Date: November 18, 2019, 3:01 pm
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Poor kid.
I mean, haven't we all been there? It's such a tender age for
such embarrassment, and unfortunately, teenagers are not always
keen to admit their problems/mishaps/accidents/mistakes. While
she did hide the incident, and I would probably be upset, I
don't think I could muster anger. I spent more than a decade
sleeping on top of a towel every night for at least one full
week a month. I can't even remember all of the times I
quadruple-checked my pants in the dim lights of the girl's
bathroom mirrors in high school. I once bled out on a (shared)
light-colored seat at work. I did my best to clean it, but the
stain wouldn't come out, and my coworkers (all women!), looked
the other way for the most part, knowing that the spot was
sanitized. Had they pressed the issue, adult me might have been
tempted to quit out of sheer embarrassment. I can't even imagine
how teenage me would have reacted!
If I were in the aunt's shoes, I think I'd look the other way.
Her niece will grow up and mature, but whatever aunt does now
will influence their relationship for the rest of their lives.
If aunt wishes to maintain a relationship with her niece, then
her best options are 1. Pretend it never happened at all, or 2.
Have a compassionate, loving talk about how all women have gone
through it, but hey - next time, we need to deal with it on the
front end, okay? If aunt reacts out of anger or frustration,
then I can guarantee you that her niece will never forget it,
and may never forgive her.
#Post#: 42250--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: jpcher Date: November 18, 2019, 4:37 pm
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First, I want to thank you all for your kind and caring
responses. Everybody's input is awesome and on the same track
that I was thinking when Friend talked to me about the
situation.
But Friend kept insisting that by 16 you should know how to
handle this type of situation! Assuming that your period starts
at 13, that's three years to learn how to clean up after
yourself! <-- is Friends stance, not mine.
Second, I reread my OP and should have said ex-SIL. They've been
divorced for over 5 years now. Niece spends most of her time
with ex-SIL, sees dad (friends brother) every other weekend,
divided holidays and all that.
I've never met Niece, but Friend has told me stories from time
to time about how Niece is not doing well in school, etc. blah,
blah, blah, and was asked by her brother for Niece to spend the
night with her (because he had more important things to do? ::))
It doesn't sound like a happy situation for this child. It
sounds like Friend was close to Niece for a time, but have
drifted apart in recent years. I didn't pry.
That being said, I will take your thoughts to Friend . . . if
she wants to continue a relationship with this child then she
either needs to let it go or have a confidential, quiet,
woman-to-woman talk with her.
Third, to address this:
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1406.msg42222#msg42222
date=1574100942]
jpcher, I'm really sorry you even wondered if menstruation was
an "off topic." There is nothing wrong, shameful, or dirty
about menstruation. (I know you know that -- I just mean I wish
it went without question that we all feel that way here.) Too
bad society makes us feel otherwise; that's the kind of thing
that contributes to this poor teen's embarrassment. Not that it
takes much to embarrass a teen, though!
[/quote]
I agree with you, Gellchom. I was brought up that this is not a
topic to be discussed amongst proper ladies. Absolutely never in
public! That's why I was hesitant to bring it up on an etiquette
board.
I can count the number of times my mother brought it up on one
hand, plus sex-ed in Jr. High, gave me all the information that
I needed to know. NOT!
Can I tell you about my first period? . . . HORROR!
Anyway, I want to thank you all again for your kind words,
thoughts and consideration.
#Post#: 42252--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Nikko-chan Date: November 18, 2019, 6:05 pm
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I read through every reply and I agree with everyone who said
she might want to have a woman to woman talk with niece. Another
point I have to make, if niece mentions "oh my periods are
always this heavy etc" (cause from the description it was REALLY
a lot of blood), friend might want to gently broach the subject
of seeing a doctor about that. If niece is having consistently
heavy periods she might also be in a lot of pain, and not really
know how to deal with that, but there are ways to do so.
That second bit is only if friend is close enough to niece to do
so.
#Post#: 42278--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: LifeOnPluto Date: November 19, 2019, 4:15 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1406.msg42222#msg42222
date=1574100942]
jpcher, I'm really sorry you even wondered if menstruation was
an "off topic." There is nothing wrong, shameful, or dirty
about menstruation. (I know you know that -- I just mean I wish
it went without question that we all feel that way here.) Too
bad society makes us feel otherwise; that's the kind of thing
that contributes to this poor teen's embarrassment. Not that it
takes much to embarrass a teen, though!
[/quote]
I remember in Grade Six, having to take a quiz in Health Ed
class. One of the questions was something like: "Menstruation
involves dirty blood exiting the female body - true or false?"
Our lovely teacher hastened to reassure us that according to the
syllabus, the correct answer to that question was "true" - but
in actual fact, menstruation blood was NOT dirty - or rather, it
was no more dirtier or cleaner than any other blood in the human
body.
I wish I could say this took place in the 1950s, but alas, it
was the 1990s!
#Post#: 42349--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: November 19, 2019, 9:19 pm
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As someone who had a heavy period and being mortified about it,
I think aunt should talk to her. I wish someone would have
talked to me.
She should probably visit a gyno, to alleviate the possibility
of something more serious, such as cysts or endometriosis.
Again, I wish someone would have talked to me.
We, as women, need to get rid of the stigma, that is our
periods.
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