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#Post#: 42157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: NFPwife Date: November 17, 2019, 4:24 pm
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To build off of Aleko's comment that when adolescents make
mistakes they want to hide... I have a video for your friend on
adolescent brain development
HTML https://youtu.be/wUa0bIqZ0XU.
It
has a juvenile Justice focus, but I think it has application
here. I saw Elizabeth Cauffman present and she said she asks her
graduate students, "What mistakes did you make this week?" as
part of their weekly meeting. She does it to a. normalize that
they'll make mistakes and b. to help them talk through and hear
what to do with those mistakes so their brains develop. (She's
working primarily with 22-24 year olds.)
To the specifics, I think the niece was embarrassed and didn't
know what to do. If your friend wants to up the embarrassment to
shame, demanding an apology is the way to do it.
I wouldn't say a word about this unless she stayed again and
then I'd say, "If anything happens - like a crimson wave, let me
know in the morning and we'll take care of it." Then friend has
a chance to educate her about how to get the stains out
(peroxide!) and what to do to prevent it (double up, put down a
towel, etc.)
Like others said, friend should have had a mattress pad (I
thought everyone had them!) and the cost of the mattress is
"live and learn tax."
In no way should she mention this to SIL. If the niece is
already sufficiently embarrassed that she wouldn't say anything,
looping her mother is another step in moving from embarrassment
to shame.
#Post#: 42158--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: oogyda Date: November 17, 2019, 4:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I do think it's worth it to try to salvage the mattress.
Admittedly, I don't know how bad it was....still.
#Post#: 42163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Rose Red Date: November 17, 2019, 5:46 pm
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[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1406.msg42157#msg42157
date=1574029484]
Like others said, friend should have had a mattress pad (I
thought everyone had them!) and the cost of the mattress is
"live and learn tax."
[/quote]
I never heard of a mattress pad. I didn't grow up with them. I
had a mattress, bedsheets, pillow, and a blanket. Now that my
family has more money, hotels are quite an experience with all
those sheets, ruffles, pillows, and covers getting in my way.
#Post#: 42164--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: NFPwife Date: November 17, 2019, 6:00 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1406.msg42163#msg42163
date=1574034393]
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1406.msg42157#msg42157
date=1574029484]
Like others said, friend should have had a mattress pad (I
thought everyone had them!) and the cost of the mattress is
"live and learn tax."
[/quote]
I never heard of a mattress pad. I didn't grow up with them. I
had a mattress, bedsheets, pillow, and a blanket. Now that my
family has more money, hotels are quite an experience with all
those sheets, ruffles, pillows, and covers getting in my way.
[/quote]
My husband loves the Hilton pillows. I called the desk once to
ask if I could buy a new one for him and it was $95! After I
recovered from shock, I said "No, thanks."
#Post#: 42166--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Sycorax Date: November 17, 2019, 6:23 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1406.msg42163#msg42163
date=1574034393]
[quote author=PVZFan link=topic=1406.msg42157#msg42157
date=1574029484]
Like others said, friend should have had a mattress pad (I
thought everyone had them!) and the cost of the mattress is
"live and learn tax."
[/quote]
I never heard of a mattress pad. I didn't grow up with them. I
had a mattress, bedsheets, pillow, and a blanket. Now that my
family has more money, hotels are quite an experience with all
those sheets, ruffles, pillows, and covers getting in my way.
[/quote]
If you've ever gone to purchase a mattress at a mattress store,
they'll always try to upsell you a waterproof mattress pad. I
think they're a good idea -- even the terrible cheap mattresses
are a few hundred dollars now.
#Post#: 42169--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: AnnNottingham Date: November 17, 2019, 7:32 pm
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The same thing happened to me at that age! It was at a friend's
house, not a relative. Many of the posters have it 100%; I was
way too mortified to say anything. My friend's mother was also
friends with my mother, but she never said anything. When I
stayed over the next time (there was indeed a next time not long
after), she welcomed me and probably would have reacted to an
apology with "Accident? What accident?"
This is also a good reason why you strip the bed promptly after
a guest leaves.
#Post#: 42177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: collakat Date: November 18, 2019, 2:00 am
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I agree with the previous posters that confronting this issue is
not a good idea. It was an accident, although badly handled.
I would like the poster who disagreed with every post to give
his/her 2 cents please?
#Post#: 42178--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Aleko Date: November 18, 2019, 2:21 am
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[quote]I would like the poster who disagreed with every post to
give his/her 2 cents please?[/quote]
Me too! The posts were so various, and most of them containing
more than one remark, that it's impossible to tell what the beef
is.
#Post#: 42179--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: LifeOnPluto Date: November 18, 2019, 3:48 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1406.msg42178#msg42178
date=1574065314]
[quote]I would like the poster who disagreed with every post to
give his/her 2 cents please?[/quote]
Me too! The posts were so various, and most of them containing
more than one remark, that it's impossible to tell what the beef
is.
[/quote]
Me three! I'm curious to know that poster's perspective. Do they
really think that Aunt is perfectly justified in never letting
Niece sleep over again?
#Post#: 42203--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 18, 2019, 9:33 am
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I would not be demanding an apology from my niece. I have no
doubt that this was an honest mistake that she was embarrassed
about. If my relationship was better with my SIL I *might*
address this with her, but I think that this is a learning
moment for niece, so I would get in touch with her directly. I
would start with saying that I imagine that this is going to be
embarrassing for you to talk about, but I think it's important
than we do so. I would explain that accidents happen, but in the
future it would be better to put any embarrassment to the side
and to tell your host what happened. You would do the same if
you spilled milk on the couch. You do the same if you spill red
wine on the carpet. (She's probably too young for this mistake,
it's an example of something that might happen in her adult
life.) You do the same if you get urine on the bathroom rug. As
a loving aunt, I think it's my job to help the kid learn! And as
a woman, it's my job to let her know that it happens to all of
us and that we can and should help each other out.
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