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#Post#: 42132--------------------------------------------------
Menstruation question UPDATE #36
By: jpcher Date: November 16, 2019, 9:52 pm
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I think we're all adult enough to discuss this topic freely.
LadyB, if this is an off topic, please remove it.
A friend of mine came to me with a story of woe and didn't know
how to deal with it. Wondering what advice you would have given
her?
Her 16 year old niece spent the night in her guest room. Niece
had supplies for her period which was evident in the bathroom
garbage can.
Friend didn't change the bedding for a few days after niece left
and to her horror, when she went to clean the bedding, she found
the sheets, blanket and mattress to be "soaked" with dried
blood.
Friend told me that she needed to replace the mattress because
it was that bad and threw the sheets and blanket away, and said
"This girl will never spend another night in my home!"
I understand Friend's angst. I taught my DDs that if an
accidental leakage occurs in the middle of the night then at the
very least, if not taken care of immediately, then first thing
in the morning wash the bedding!
Friend wants an apology from Niece but doesn't know how to go
about getting one. Does she talk to Niece directly? Scold Niece?
Does she talk to Niece's Mom? (Friend's SIL whom she doesn't
really get along with).
What would you do in this situation?
#Post#: 42136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Mrs Rat Date: November 17, 2019, 1:10 am
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Sounds like the niece was too embarrassed to say anything to
your friend, I can imagine at her age I would have been too.
Accidents happen and I think if she broaches the subject with
her SIL in a calm non confronting tone simply stating that she
would like an apology and leaving it at that. That puts the ball
into SIL's court to prompt her daughter to make the apology.
We all make mistakes at such a young age and the way you handle
it will teach her that it's not so bad to own up to something
that's possibly beyond your control.
#Post#: 42137--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Aleko Date: November 17, 2019, 3:27 am
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I can remember in my adolescence being so creased with
embarrassment at accidents and missteps, even ones that didn't
involve menstruation (a subject that of course has a whole layer
of embarrassment of its own), that my instinctive response was
to run away and pretend it never happened.
And of course, if the accident was on - and to - the property of
someone judgmental and given to anger, doubly so in spades. I
totally get how upsetting a discovery that must have been for
jpcher's friend, but: can she really summon up no shred of
sympathy for a teenager struggling with her first fertile years,
when periods are so often irregular and heavy, and the hormones
violent, who has an accident that would be embarrassing enough
at home but crucifyingly awful in someone else's house? I mean,
really? Frankly, that aunt has no need to ban her niece from
staying overnight in her home: the unhappy girl won't even want
to look her aunt in the eye again.
If that were my niece I would like to think that I'd summon up
the empathy and kindness to write directly to her, sympathising
sincerely with her distress at the accident, and the difficulty
of owning up to it, and saying as gently as possible that hard
as it is, it's always best to do so at the earliest opportunity.
I'm 100% sure that the niece sincerely wishes she knew how to
apologise, and once the subject was out in the open she would do
so without any prompting.
I think she would be dead wrong to write to her SIL. I don't
think that would be the right approach even if the two of them
were on good terms; but as they're not, there's a danger that
SIL might take it badly and resent both her for 'blaming' her
for her daughter's accident and her daughter for 'letting me
down'.
Edited to add:
Even if the SILs were on good terms, she still should not
contact the girl's mother. All that could possibly achieve
would be to humiliate the girl further, (a) by spreading the
knowledge of her mishap, and (b) by treating her like a small
child who can be told 'Say sorry to your auntie!'.
#Post#: 42140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: LifeOnPluto Date: November 17, 2019, 5:27 am
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Honestly - if I were the aunt, I'd say absolutely nothing (to
either the niece or the SIL) and just carry on as if nothing had
happened.
I'm sure the poor girl is completely mortified. At that age,
periods can be erratic and heavy, and it's quite possible that
it came on suddenly in the middle of the night. I mean heck -
it's not like the niece deliberately choose to bleed all over
the bed!
At the very most, if the niece ever comes back to stay, the aunt
can maybe say casually "Hey Niece, if it's ever that time of the
month, and you get some spillage on the sheets, just give me the
heads up about it in the morning, okay?"
#Post#: 42142--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Dazi Date: November 17, 2019, 5:44 am
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This is why you should have a really nice mattress pad on all
beds in your home.
I agree the aunt should not bring this up. She is being
ridiculous. She needs to remember what periods are like at that
age. For crying out loud, have some compassion. 🙄
#Post#: 42145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Kimberami Date: November 17, 2019, 6:44 am
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HTML https://www.wikihow.lif
e/Remove-Blood-Stains-from-a-Mattress
Poor kid.
#Post#: 42147--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: vintagegal Date: November 17, 2019, 8:16 am
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[quote author=Dazi link=topic=1406.msg42142#msg42142
date=1573991096]
This is why you should have a really nice mattress pad on all
beds in your home.
I agree the aunt should not bring this up. She is being
ridiculous. She needs to remember what periods are like at that
age. For crying out loud, have some compassion. 🙄
[/quote]
Right, I don't get paying hundreds for a mattress and not
springing an extra $25-50 for a protective mattress pad. I got
one for my new mattress and I am post-menopausal and still
continent. Dealing with late DH's accidents when he was ill made
me paranoid I guess. It was especially bad when we were visiting
people, I carried protection with us and would put it under the
sheet.
#Post#: 42149--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: sandisadie Date: November 17, 2019, 9:45 am
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I agree with those who wouldn't say anything to anyone about
this accident. I'm sure the teen is trying to just forget this
ever happened. The next time I saw the teen I would take her
aside and assure her that you realize this was an accident and
she probably had no idea how to tell you about it. I would also
gently tell her that you remember being her age and dealing with
periods so just make sure if it happens again that she lets
someone in the house know so it can be cleaned up in the
morning. I'm sure all of us women have our stories to tell! As
an aside - I have good quality mattress covers on all the beds
in the house.
#Post#: 42152--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: Rose Red Date: November 17, 2019, 10:25 am
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Is she looking for compensation? If not, I'd leave it alone. If
your friend want to say something, make sure she be sensitive
and that niece can come to her for anything because it's easier
to solve if she knows the issue right away.
If niece never had a history of causing trouble or hiding
things. I agree the niece was probably embarrassed and chose
flight instead of "fight" and just hoping it will go away.
I admit your friend's reaction of never inviting niece for a
sleepover again makes me wonder about their relationship. If
niece is normally a decent person, I'm sure she'd do anything to
prevent the same thing from happening again. Is there a reason
your friend doesn't believe the same?
#Post#: 42154--------------------------------------------------
Re: Menstruation question
By: gramma dishes Date: November 17, 2019, 1:10 pm
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Chances are the niece is mortified about what happened and quite
frankly she's probably so embarrassed that she hopes the subject
of staying overnight at Auntie's house never ever EVER comes up
again.
I also think it would be a huge mistake to blab to the girl's
mother. The poor girl would never trust her Aunt again.
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