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#Post#: 41557--------------------------------------------------
Bless your heart
By: Contrarian Date: November 6, 2019, 1:39 pm
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I saw this as a suggested response on another thread, and not
for the first time so I don’t want to single anyone out.
We all know it’s a Southern US, phrase, idiom, colloquialism...
(if any one has the correct term please let me know), for “my
god you’re obtuse aren’t you? We’ll I’m going to pretend that
I’m being kind, while using a phrase that blatantly shows what a
moron I think you are, while appearing polite”.
Isn’t this the height of passive aggressiveness? Or at the very
least incredibly condescending? Is this really ok? Thick, syrupy
condescending sarcasm, is what it appears to me. What am I
missing? How is this a polite response? Is the idea that the
person receiving it is so obtuse that they won’t know how it’s
meant and therefore will not be hurt but the one saying it has
the satisfaction of stating their beliefs without being
responsible?
I have no knowledge of the etiquette or manners of the Southern
US but despite their reputation of being xenophobic in some
instances, I hear just as much about the kindness and welcoming
behaviour shown in the South. I believe the latter more common
and the previous, well one can find a bit of it everywhere.
So what is this phrase? It really sounds to me like the most
condescending phrase pretending not to be condescending whilst
knowing it is clearly condescending.
Please tell me what I’m missing. And why it’s such a popular
response.
#Post#: 41562--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: Kimberami Date: November 6, 2019, 2:38 pm
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It was my comment, and I am southern. It's a phrase with nuance.
Certainly not everyone who uses means it as a negative. It
isn't always delivered with a syrupy affect. It can easily, and
sincerely, mean "Thank you" or "I appreciate your assistance."
Depending on how it is said, nearly anything could be sincere or
sarcastic. That's just language.
If I were to say "Bless your heart" to a overly helpful person,
then I would be saying "I hear you, I acknowledge you, and I am
responding." It would give no acceptance or rejection of the
help given. It would be the end of a conversation.
#Post#: 41563--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: sandisadie Date: November 6, 2019, 2:44 pm
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I was born in Virginia and lived there for 40 years. Whenever
I've heard that phrase used it was to show that the person
saying it believed the person spoken of just didn't know what
they were talking about; or was just clueless about the
situation, but was doing the best he or she could under the
circumstances. It wasn't calling the person stupid as much as
that they just didn't know. I personally don't remember hearing
the phrase used very much, and I didn't use it myself; nor did
anyone in my immediate family use it. I take it to mean that
when you say "bless your heart" you are saying that the person's
heart is in the right place even if they don't quite know what
they are talking about.
#Post#: 41564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: TootsNYC Date: November 6, 2019, 2:51 pm
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I have heard it used quite kindly, even sympathetically. ("bless
her/his heart" is far less used sarcastically; it usually means
"I wish them well").
Its sarcastic use has sort of overshadowed that, but it's ALL in
the delivery.
It can mean "I am so sympathetic," or "aren't you nice!" or "I
wish you well."
In that way it reminds me of "I beg your pardon," which can be a
quite pleasant way to say, "I didn't hear what you said," or
"I'm confused, please explain." Or, it can be a way to deliver
the message that you are shocked or offended.
I would say that the sarcastic use of "bless your heart" is so
prevalent that the phrase is actually a bit dangerous to use.
You'd have to lean on the friendly tone of voice for it to not
be seen as rude or attacking.
#Post#: 41565--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: RubyCat Date: November 6, 2019, 3:05 pm
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I'm a northerner, so I really can't say, but have heard that the
tone of "Bless your heart" conveys the meaning. Does this video
portray it accurately?
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nRIw_ATJA
#Post#: 41566--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: chigger Date: November 6, 2019, 3:11 pm
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"Bless your heart", is all about context. Yes it can be used
rudely and condescendingly, but really it does not happen that
often. I think some where online it became the "ultimate
Southern put-down", and that notion has spread. Usually you will
hear something like "He works two jobs, and still finds time to
help his aging parents, bless his heart." Or, "She has had such
a rough time lately,with her health issues, bless her heart."
Sometimes it is "Bless her heart, she tries" or "Bless her heart
she means well", which should be taken at face value.
Then there is the sarcastic "Bless her heart", because the
speaker thought the blessee was too ignorant for words. This one
usually reflects badly on the speaker, because it's just plain
nasty.
#Post#: 41567--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: chigger Date: November 6, 2019, 3:13 pm
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[quote author=RubyCat link=topic=1388.msg41565#msg41565
date=1573074335]
I'm a northerner, so I really can't say, but have heard that the
tone of "Bless your heart" conveys the meaning. Does this video
portray it accurately?
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nRIw_ATJA
[/quote]
Not really, but yes it is all about tone.
#Post#: 41568--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: Gellchom Date: November 6, 2019, 3:17 pm
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In my experience, it's likely to be nice in the second person,
ironic in the third.
"Bless your heart!" -- kindly meant; usually sort of equivalent
to "thank you!" or "aren't you nice for saying/doing that!"
"Bless his/heart!" -- the person we are discussing is an idiot.
#Post#: 41582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: Aleko Date: November 6, 2019, 4:39 pm
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This is in the same ballpark as, the Northern English phrase
'Oh, bless!' which has a literal sense of expressing gratitude
and appreciation of someone, and a derisive sense.
#Post#: 41584--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bless your heart
By: Rose Red Date: November 6, 2019, 4:56 pm
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I think it has different meanings depending on the situation and
tone of voice. Remember how people say "Dude" and you can tell
exactly what they mean by how it's said?
Your child cleaning the house? "Bless your heart" meaning thank
you and I love you.
Interfering in-law cleaning your house? "Bless your heart"
meaning you don't want to say what you really feel. ;)
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