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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 40745--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: Aleko Date: October 20, 2019, 1:44 am
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Dazi: the point about the rule is that a shower, uniquely among
social events, is overtly intended as a gift grab. While it is
traditional and expected to bring a present to other kinds of
event - weddings, children' birthday parties - a shower is the
only gathering whose stated purpose is to get people to bring
loot: the presents are the event. The shower originated with
groups of friends saying 'Let's get together at a party to give
our mutual friend some things that will come in useful for their
new life situation!', and that was just about OK because, the
organisers not being related to this person, that wasn't a grab
for their own family's benefit.
Obviously it would be unseemly to hold a party for yourself
(generic you) where guests are instructed to bring you a present
and maybe even instructed what kind or colour or decorative
theme is acceptable: it is only slightly less unseemly for one's
close family to hit up everyone they know to furnish your house,
equip your new baby, or whatever, because if the family feel you
need help it's really their job to provide it.
It's absolutely right for OP to want to organise a party to
celebrate DD's pregnancy warmly and (by implication) show that
DD's family is totally in support. But I'm with oogyda: just
don't call it a shower. People who want to give presents
certainly will.
#Post#: 40756--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: NyaChan Date: October 20, 2019, 11:03 am
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I’m developing a view of what should be considered polite
behavior that adapts to the environment. Example: bringing a
pack of my favored soda would be really rude if I was going to
my parents’ friend’s dinner party, but I would look like a
moocher if I didn’t bring it with me to my own friend’s house
for dinner/game night when it’s their turn to host.
Here, I’d look to your own family’s norms. Are family showers
thrown by a parent typical? If so, I don’t see why you can’t
join in on what is considered ok for your family. As for
friends -Your daughter is pretty young so I’m guessing they
don’t have established practices for baby showers. That said,
they are probably already familiar with the concept of a shower
and if none of them have offered to throw her one, I’m thinking
not inviting them is the way to go.
#Post#: 40886--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: lisastitch Date: October 22, 2019, 9:20 pm
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The other factor that makes a difference for me is what is
expected at showers these days. When DH and I were engaged, and
later, when we were pregnant, showers were relatively low-key
affairs, with fairly small groups. It's one thing to invite 10
to 15 people over, provide dessert, coffee/soft drinks, maybe
nuts or mints, maybe veggies or cheese. It's another thing
entirely to invite 30 to 40 people, and serve them an entire
meal, both in terms of effort and expense. There are very few
(if any) non-family members that I would do this for.
We did host a BBQ for DS and DDIL when they were pregnant with
their second. They were living near us at that point, and she
was having a hard time being far away from her parents and her
good friends during the pregnancy. The BBQ was more for our/our
DS's family/friends, but it still celebrated them. And it was
just a BBQ--but lots of people brought presents!
#Post#: 40900--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: Kimberami Date: October 23, 2019, 8:07 am
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DH's family always does a Welcome to the Family party for
weddings and babies. It is a fun, low-key event. The Sisters
(MIL & the aunts) group host all of the events. There will be
some sort of entertainment. There's a cake and snacks. Presents
are more token than expensive.
I was pregnant at the same time as DH's cousin. We are both
named Kimberly. The Sisters had a fortune teller at our party. I
was "supposed" to have a boy, and she was "supposed" to have a
girl. The fortune teller must have gotten her signals crossed
(or at least her Kimberlys crossed). I had the girl, and she had
the boy. :)
#Post#: 46979--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower UPDATE
By: jazzgirl205 Date: February 8, 2020, 12:34 pm
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Sorry it took so long to get back to y'all. Well, my plan was
to drive down a month before the baby's due date, spoil my dd,
and arrange a small get together. The car was loaded, we had
driven into town to gas up, then we got the call. The doctor
wanted to do a cesaerean in the next 3 hours! We were 7 hours
away. I called my sister in tears because I didn't want my dd to
deliver alone. She was babysitting her grandchildren but juggled
everything so she could drive an hour to the hospital. She was
in the waiting room when she called us to announce the birth of
our 4 lb, 4 oz granddaughter.
She wasn't alone. The pharmacist from Publix, her boss, was in
the delivery room with her, held her hand, and took photos. I
will forever be grateful for that woman. Several friends had
given dd gifts. The Methodists and Baptist church ladies showed
up and brought beautiful gifts and added their phone numbers in
case she needed help. They brought her new, beautiful, baby
clothes, feeding equipment, diapers, blankets, and gift cards.
We're not even their denomination. Wow. The Catholics offered
casseroles.
A dear family friend who is a Catholic priest outside of New
Orleans, asked if he could travel over (a 6 hour round trip) and
perform the baptism. DD was estatic! My God-daughter, who is 17,
offered to sew the christening gown. DD said sure and made her
the Godmother. Since the baby was so tiny, she had to stay home
away from groups of people. So, no Christmas with the family, no
church, no shopping. The baby was 7 weeks old at the
christening and it was her first public event. Dear friends
traveled 7 and 8 hours one way just to be there. That's when I
had the big party. Few people brought gifts since they had
already given them. It didn't feel like a gift grab. It felt
like a thank you to all the guests for being there for my
daughter.
#Post#: 46983--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: TootsNYC Date: February 8, 2020, 2:29 pm
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oh, what a roller coaster. I'm sorry you weren't able to get
there in time.
But how heartening to see your DD's community step up for her,
and you
#Post#: 46987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: Gellchom Date: February 8, 2020, 3:39 pm
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What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Congratulations to the whole family!
#Post#: 47056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: Kimberami Date: February 10, 2020, 1:14 pm
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Must be some dust in here because my eyes are watering.
Congratulations to your family!
#Post#: 47096--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: gramma dishes Date: February 10, 2020, 9:00 pm
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This is truly one of the nicest and most heartwarming stories
I've heard -- ever! Love that so many different people were
there and not only willing to step up, but just did it! This
is a beautiful story and restores my faith in the goodness of
people.
#Post#: 47154--------------------------------------------------
Re: Family baby shower
By: Twik Date: February 11, 2020, 3:38 pm
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What a wonderful story! So glad to hear about people who can get
together for good and happiness.
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