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#Post#: 40613--------------------------------------------------
Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: ZekailleTasker Date: October 17, 2019, 6:33 pm
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An acquaintance has asked me to write a book review of her
latest (awful) novel. Morticia has been writing prolifically
for the last 5 or six years, publishing a number of very short
books with a local vanity press. "They aren't a vanity press,"
she always says when people ask. "They don't charge me to do
the publishing. They only charge me for the number of book I
ask them to print out." "Uh, that's a vanity press, Morticia."
Supposedly this place edits and checks for errors, but they
clearly don't. Morticia recently wrote a trilogy in which her
hero is pronounced an only child on page 1 only to have his
brother and sister turn up in books 2 and 3 without explanation.
On this page we are told he has one child by his third wife
and that child is an eight year old girl. On that page we learn
he hasn't heard from his only child, a 21 year old male by his
first wife, in 30 years. Our hero kills all his wives for no
particular reason anyone can see: he doesn't need their money as
he inherited all his parents' cash when they died--either by a
plane crash into the Atlantic if you read page 31 or when their
apartment on the West Coast caught fire on page 50. (Said one
wag
" Maybe the plane hit the Atlantic so hard it bounced like a
skipped stone all around the coast until it crashed into their
apartment on the West Coast and burned it to the ground.")
Everything Morticia writes is like this. No background, no
dialogue, no character development. All proper nouns are
capitalized. I mean the entire word, not just the first letter.
She is tone deaf when it comes to naming...half her characters
have the names of famous people and she can't understand why
that's a problem. Worst of all: the stories read like 30 to 70
pages of summary. "Harry did this. And that. And the other
thing. He hated Grizelda. Then he did something else." And
then there is a sex scene tossed in for good measure that is so
gross it would put off even the most sexual beings>
So now she has sent me her latest novel about a child of
undetermined Asian background (well, undetermined because the
story states she comes from Korea, but her name is a mash up of
Chinese and Japanese names.) who is coming to America. I admit
that I have only skimmed it and that was enough to tell me she
hasn't changed her style any. Again, it is 27 pages of
summary, no dialogue or plot or character development. Just
"This happened. And then this. And this also happened. And
this as well. Oh, and this too." In two pages she has grown
up, struggled thru some vaguely "eastern" social customs, come
to America, met a boy and they get married. The end. Cringe,
cringe, cringe...and in part 2, which is 9 pages long, they have
a child. The end.
I cannot write a review of this. I don't know what to say that
won't hurt Morticia's feelings. She's closing in on 80 years
old, has survived several health shocks and is suffering now
because it's her husband who is knocking at death's door.
I know there are no magic words...but I am trying to invent a
scenario that precludes me from doing this. So far, I think the
vagaries of my job (which already hinder the writing of my own
novel) might prevent me from writing book reviews for others.
Anyone ever been in this position?
#Post#: 40615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: Rose Red Date: October 17, 2019, 6:52 pm
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How do you know her and where does she want your review
published? Amazon? A newsletter with your real name?
If your job prohibits you to review people's book, there's your
answer.
#Post#: 40623--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: Aleko Date: October 18, 2019, 1:17 am
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I'm with Rose Red: your job is your excuse. It leaves you so
little time or literary energy for your own writing that you are
obliged to decline all requests to write book reviews; so even
if she was willing to pay your normal fee of $150 you wouldn't
be able to do it. (No harm in pointing out gently that she has
just asked you to do a professional job intended for publication
for nothing, even though she claims her book is professionally
published.)
#Post#: 40624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: nznetty Date: October 18, 2019, 4:14 am
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If you can't use your job as an excuse, how about a blanket,
"I'm sorry, I don't review books for people I know - hard to
stay unbiased, you know?"
#Post#: 40625--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: Kimberami Date: October 18, 2019, 5:24 am
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"XXX has a particular style that comes through on every page. If
you are a fan of XXXX's work, then you'll love this one, too.""
#Post#: 40628--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 18, 2019, 7:38 am
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[quote author=Kimpossible link=topic=1371.msg40625#msg40625
date=1571394289]
"XXX has a particular style that comes through on every page. If
you are a fan of XXXX's work, then you'll love this one, too.""
[/quote]
This is rather brilliant. Write a review that does not
necessarily endorse the book, but clues the reader in to what
they are getting instead.
The three options that I came up with are...
1) Claim to be too busy. "I am really sorry, but I have a lot on
my plate at this time. I do hope you find someone who is able to
help you out."
2) Tell her you are no longer writing book reviews (assuming
that this is something that you don't plan to do in the near
future.) "I have decided that I am going to steer away from
writing book reviews at this time."
3) Be gently honest. "The genre (or style of storytelling) of
your books is not completely to my taste, so I do not think I
would be the best person to do this." Just because you don't
like her books doesn't mean that she doesn't have a fan out
there who does like them, so hopefully she can find that person
to rave over them.
#Post#: 40639--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: ZekailleTasker Date: October 18, 2019, 9:59 am
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Thanks, folks. You kind of confirmed what I was already
thinking.
Rose Red, Morticia is a library patron who is sweetly clueless
and fragile. Because she is a local author, we do,
occasionally, buy her books and allow her to set up shop at one
or another of the libraries so she can have a "Meet the Author"
experience and maybe sell her books. She has mentored a couple
of aspiring poets so they could publish with the same company,
but God knows, her heart is in the right place and I can't fault
her for that. She's retired, her life hasn't been a piece of
cake and no one wants to take away her sense of pride in her
work. She keeps exclaiming over and over "I never thought they
would keep offering to publish my books! I'm not famous or
anything!" None of us has the heart to say "You keep paying
them and they will keep offering." But obviously we think it.
KimPossible: I love your idea! I was already considering
something along the lines of "Morticia has a unique style that
will keep you guessing....." I have seen other reviews of her
work that praise without specifics and ALL of them read like
that.
Dancing Psych: I don't write reviews except on a page for the
our book discussion group. Since the book discussion group has
broken up, I am able, at least, to refrain from buying multiple
copies of "My Werewolf Priest Burned Me To Death and Used My
Ashes on Ash Wednesday." (That wasn't the title but it was the
plot.) She desperately wants to have a book club discuss her
books and their themes with her leading the discussion. Gotta
love her enthusiasm.
Nznetty--That's a good blanket statement. That's what I will
likely try first!
You are all very helpful and I thank you!
#Post#: 40641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: syfygeek Date: October 18, 2019, 10:21 am
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[quote author=ZekailleTasker link=topic=1371.msg40639#msg40639
date=1571410779]
Thanks, folks. You kind of confirmed what I was already
thinking.
Rose Red, Morticia is a library patron who is sweetly clueless
and fragile. Because she is a local author, we do,
occasionally, buy her books and allow her to set up shop at one
or another of the libraries so she can have a "Meet the Author"
experience and maybe sell her books. She has mentored a couple
of aspiring poets so they could publish with the same company,
but God knows, her heart is in the right place and I can't fault
her for that. She's retired, her life hasn't been a piece of
cake and no one wants to take away her sense of pride in her
work. She keeps exclaiming over and over "I never thought they
would keep offering to publish my books! I'm not famous or
anything!" None of us has the heart to say "You keep paying
them and they will keep offering." But obviously we think it.
KimPossible: I love your idea! I was already considering
something along the lines of "Morticia has a unique style that
will keep you guessing....." I have seen other reviews of her
work that praise without specifics and ALL of them read like
that.
Dancing Psych: I don't write reviews except on a page for the
our book discussion group. Since the book discussion group has
broken up, I am able, at least, to refrain from buying multiple
copies of "My Werewolf Priest Burned Me To Death and Used My
Ashes on Ash Wednesday." (That wasn't the title but it was the
plot.) She desperately wants to have a book club discuss her
books and their themes with her leading the discussion. Gotta
love her enthusiasm.
Nznetty--That's a good blanket statement. That's what I will
likely try first!
You are all very helpful and I thank you!
[/quote]
I think I want to read this. ;)
#Post#: 40643--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: ZekailleTasker Date: October 18, 2019, 10:43 am
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;D
Morticia is the Florence Foster Jenkins of the literary horror
genre. I admit that I don't know if she has published this one
yet...she told me all about the plot one day and I am pretty
sure it will read exactly as she said it.
#Post#: 40651--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked to Review a Book So Bad.......
By: Rose Red Date: October 18, 2019, 11:28 am
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[quote author=ZekailleTasker link=topic=1371.msg40639#msg40639
date=1571410779]
Rose Red, Morticia is a library patron who is sweetly clueless
and fragile. Because she is a local author, we do,
occasionally, buy her books and allow her to set up shop at one
or another of the libraries so she can have a "Meet the Author"
experience and maybe sell her books. She has mentored a couple
of aspiring poets so they could publish with the same company,
but God knows, her heart is in the right place and I can't fault
her for that. She's retired, her life hasn't been a piece of
cake and no one wants to take away her sense of pride in her
work. She keeps exclaiming over and over "I never thought they
would keep offering to publish my books! I'm not famous or
anything!" None of us has the heart to say "You keep paying
them and they will keep offering." But obviously we think it.
[/quote]
How sad. Since you don't want to break her heart and she don't
want to believe the "publishing company" is just out to make a
buck, I agree to just say you don't review anymore due to
conflict of interest. Otherwise, use the vague wording above.
I'll contribute too:
"A dizzying roller coaster of a read. It's a real trip for your
eyes."
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