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#Post#: 40581--------------------------------------------------
Nurses
By: Contrarian Date: October 17, 2019, 7:51 am
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Hello all,
I’m trying to stay away from forums because I’m thinking my
stress levels are not helpful when considering matters but I
need some advice.
There are two palliative care nurses that I will want to get
gifts for soon. They have cared for my friend with exceptional
empathy, understanding and I would say some form of love.
Some of the nurses treat him like a body, he can’t move anything
but his head and he has little control of that. He can’t speak
but uses a tablet that tracks his eyes to type.
Some of the nurses will keep his tablet out of his eyeline but
get angry with him when he’s indicating he needs something but
can’t tell him. If he asks for a position change they tell him
he’s fine. They’ve even cancelled his call bell because they
have told him his didn’t need to be shifted up in bed, and he
keeps calling to get a nurse who will do it anyway. (Most will,
but cancelling his call bell means they won’t be given the
chance).
There are a couple of horrible nurses, some average, pleasant
nurses, some nurses who are fine but he can give them a hard
time because he gets frustrated too.
But there are two nurses who take time to communicate with him
(which saves time and aggravation later) and treat him like the
41 year old man he is, instead of like 100 year old with
dementia. His mind is fine, his body is just breaking down and
ending his life.
I promise I googled this before coming here. Several times. I
only find gift ideas for nurses that seem to be far too
personal, as if it’s a family member or friend, not a caregiver.
One of the nurses I want to buy for is a young woman, early
twenties, she likes movies but I’m not sure if she goes to the
theatre to watch them. She’s sweet and funny and kind.
The other nurse is a 56 year old woman, she’s no nonsense, quite
quiet, but capable and empathetic and a strong, kind woman.
I’ll get these gifts for when he’s gone, which was meant to be a
while ago. No one expected him to live this long and he feels
as though they are fed up with him. I want to make sure these
two nurses know how awesome they are. We have both told them,
but beside writing a message saying so on a card, do you have
any ideas?
Besides gift cards. Although I suspect that will be the thing.
Or any ideas on questions I could try to casually ask them to
find out what may be good? It would seem weird to ask, “so do
you like going out for dinner?” So I could get a dinner gift
card. Maybe I could ask favourite restaurants.
Anyway, if any of you have any ideas, please let me know.
Thank you!
#Post#: 40582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: Effie Date: October 17, 2019, 8:30 am
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I am so sorry for what your friend and you are going through. I
can make an educated guess of the disease.
I would definitely go with gift cards. Your thought of a
restaurant would be lovely, I think. Perhaps coupled with a box
of fancy candies? Because you don't know them on a very personal
level, you don't know if Netflix or Starbucks or Sephora would
actually be used, so the more generic you make it, probably the
better. Regardless of the gesture, the fact that you made it all
will be appreciated.
(((hugs)))
#Post#: 40583--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: Aleko Date: October 17, 2019, 8:32 am
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The two most REALLY important and valuable gifts you can give to
any nurse or other medical or care worker (or come to that a
teacher, or people employed in many other roles), are:
1. A letter direct to them saying that you have seen, and will
tell their boss, how wonderfully well and kindly they do
everything and more that their job requires of them, and
expressing your heartfelt and lasting gratitude.
2. A letter to their management saying the same thing, and that
this person is a treasure to their organisation.
#1 will make them feel truly happy and appreciated, in a way
that a mere dinner or theatre voucher couldn't do. #2 will feed
into their work appraisal, bring their virtues to the notice of
their superiors and hopefully increase their chances of any
bonuses, pay hikes or promotions that may be going. And at the
worst it will buffer them against any redundancies, and any
complaints by unreasonable clients / the horrible nurses / the
kind of slimy managers who will cover their own backs by
throwing their subordinates under the bus.
That's not to say you can't also give them material gifts, but
please check with the management before you do. There may well
be regulations about accepting any gifts at all, or gifts worth
more than a small amount (e.g. anything more than, say, the cost
of a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers). You don't want to
cause them difficulties with their employers, or give something
that they will be obliged to refuse.
#Post#: 40585--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: Kimberami Date: October 17, 2019, 9:34 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1369.msg40583#msg40583
date=1571319164]
The two most REALLY important and valuable gifts you can give to
any nurse or other medical or care worker (or come to that a
teacher, or people employed in many other roles), are:
1. A letter direct to them saying that you have seen, and will
tell their boss, how wonderfully well and kindly they do
everything and more that their job requires of them, and
expressing your heartfelt and lasting gratitude.
2. A letter to their management saying the same thing, and that
this person is a treasure to their organisation.
#1 will make them feel truly happy and appreciated, in a way
that a mere dinner or theatre voucher couldn't do. #2 will feed
into their work appraisal, bring their virtues to the notice of
their superiors and hopefully increase their chances of any
bonuses, pay hikes or promotions that may be going. And at the
worst it will buffer them against any redundancies, and any
complaints by unreasonable clients / the horrible nurses / the
kind of slimy managers who will cover their own backs by
throwing their subordinates under the bus.
That's not to say you can't also give them material gifts, but
please check with the management before you do. There may well
be regulations about accepting any gifts at all, or gifts worth
more than a small amount (e.g. anything more than, say, the cost
of a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers). You don't want to
cause them difficulties with their employers, or give something
that they will be obliged to refuse.
[/quote]
This.
I always recommend a heartfelt note to the person you wish to
give a gift, and another note to the supervisor of the agency.
The person gets to have a warm fuzzy feeling, and they get to
have a potential job boost. That is so much more valuable than
any material gift.
#Post#: 40586--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: TootsNYC Date: October 17, 2019, 9:55 am
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start your letters now--I think those will be really powerful
for them. And of course, say something to them now about how you
appreciate that they treat him like a person and not an object.
It's really rewarding to have someone truly see them (just as
they are "seeing" your friend).
I might actually get them a gift card for something useful--like
a cleaning service (but sometimes people won't cash those in, so
I might try for a cleaning service that will follow up on the
appointment), or gas. With a note about how they helped your
friend with such ordinary needs but with such grace and
compassion, and so you want to help them by making some of their
ordinary chores easier. Because they taught you how much power
those simple things have.
Or a gift card to their nail salon ("your nails are always so
nice--what's your salon?" or "I like your haircut/color. who's
your person?").
Or maybe a gift card to a masseuse, and ask the masseuse to
pursue them a little bit to make sure they use it. (If I were a
masseuse or a salon, that would be part of the gift card
service; I'd advertise it as a feature when promoting my gift
card.)
#Post#: 40587--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: Rose Red Date: October 17, 2019, 9:56 am
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I agree with including a letter if you give a gift. In years to
come, they may not remember who gave them the knic-knac on their
shelf (even though they remember the appreciation behind it),
but they can read letters and see how much they impacted people
and how their job was worth everything they put into it.
#Post#: 40588--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 17, 2019, 10:05 am
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It is really frustrating to be working your behind off in a job,
watching your coworkers do the bare minimum, and then management
never even notices your efforts. Write that letter to them. In
most organizations, it will be put into their file and
potentially be considered around raise/advancement time. (Let
them know that you sent it, too. In fact, provide them with a
copy.) And keep thanking/complimenting them when you can. You
never know what kind of day that they are having and sometimes
those matter the most!
#Post#: 40589--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: TootsNYC Date: October 17, 2019, 11:19 am
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In fact, I might ask to speak with someone in the organization
one level up from their immediate supervisor and say, "I know
you don't often get a clear window, but I wanted to share with
you my admiration for these two nurses." And then explain how
good they are. And let it be in contrast with "nameless others"
who do things like move his keyboard away and then get mad, or
turn off his call button, or refuse to help him get comfortable
in bed.
Praising them should be the bulk of your conversation, and
insist that the main point of your conversation is to let them
know about how great these two nurses are. But let the contrast
be heard by someone who is NOT on the floor.
Let that reinforcement happen now, while they are in the middle
of this tough stretch with your friend, and also let that
feedback about poor treatment leak out as well.
#Post#: 40591--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: LurkingGurl Date: October 17, 2019, 12:42 pm
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I have found that Target and Walmart gift cards are some of the
most useful no matter who the person is. People can get just
about anything at either of these two stores, online or IRL.
And as far as I know, there are no fees associated with either
of these like there are with VISA or AMEX gift cards.
And since you can buy groceries at both these stores, someone
can use it for a regular budget item like food leaving the cash
in their bank account to be used towards anything at all that
they would really like to buy for themselves or to save up for.
I'm sorry to hear that some of your friend's carers are not
being conscientious about their duty. That they would just turn
off his call button seems particularly cold. I wonder if there
is a way to get through to people like that.
#Post#: 40595--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nurses
By: TootsNYC Date: October 17, 2019, 2:30 pm
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just a reminder--they may not be able to accept a gift card.
HTML https://www.oncnursingnews.com/publications/oncology-nurse/2017/december-2017/professionally-speaking-gifts-from-patients-accept-or-reject-
[quote] Although it is never appropriate for a nurse to accept a
gift of a large monetary value—be it an item or cash, a gift
card, or tickets to a concert, the theater, or sporting events
—smaller tokens of appreciation might be acceptable.[/quote]
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