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#Post#: 39600--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Chez Miriam Date: October 1, 2019, 6:57 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1350.msg39547#msg39547
date=1569864458]
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for
MOB/MOG attire.
I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist
before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.
[/quote]
And when money was tighter!
My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my)
grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best
Sunday hats [for the ladies]. I think other than my aunt who
was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".
That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare
money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal
grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early
afternoon to go on their honeymoon.
#Post#: 39609--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: BeagleMommy Date: October 1, 2019, 9:11 am
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The only "rules" I had heard about MOB/MOG dressing was that
they should wear clothes in the right formality for the wedding
and that they should not wear things similar to the bridesmaids.
My wedding party was a rainbow (each bridesmaid in a different
color) so color choice was open. My mom picked her dress first
by coincidence. She wore a pretty teal dress. My late MIL
picked a gown of the same length in periwinkle, but it was not
the same dress. They both looked lovely.
#Post#: 39610--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Hmmm Date: October 1, 2019, 9:12 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1350.msg39564#msg39564
date=1569877883]
I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the
reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along
with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."
[/quote]
I think the idea that the wedding was more bride's focused is
more of a left over custom than "silly". Up till about 20 -30
years ago, 90% of grooms just didn't take much interest in the
wedding planning. If you asked a groom 4 months before the
wedding party what the colors were, he* might be able to tell
you blue but don't expect him to know if it was royal, light,
aqua or some other variation. Most of the planning was done by
the bride and usually the bride's mother. These are the days
before the internet and Pintrest boards and wedding websites.
Selections were made by going to the florist to look at their
hard copy book of potential arrangements, dresses were picked
in store or out of a hard copy catalog, and food selected by
going to the event center or the bakery. Sharing of the wedding
details weren't so easy to share or even thought of interest by
anyone other than the bride, her wedding party, and her parents.
Also, back then the bride's mother and father were normally the
host of the wedding and therefore were also establishing the
style and formality of the event...or at least the mom had a
better idea of what the bride's vision was. So it was a sensible
solution to have the MOB pick her dress and then helpfully share
that information with the MOG so that the MOB could choose
something equally appropriate. Not sharing those details with
the MOG would have been seen as what we would consider today as
a "micro-aggression" and potentially setting up the MOG to look
out of place.
*It was thought unusual that my husband had so much interest in
helping to plan our wedding but I don't think he attended any
conversation with the florist or knew what the bridesmaid
dresses looked like till they walked down the aisle even though
there was a bolt of fabric in our living week for about 2 weeks
until I got it to the seamstress.
#Post#: 39612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Rose Red Date: October 1, 2019, 9:38 am
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^ Yes, I understand weddings are more bride focused and brides
do most of the planning. However, the MOG is still watching her
son (maybe only son) get married and shouldn't have to fade into
the background or wait until the MOB picks her dress. The hosts
informing the groom's family of the level of formality should be
enough.
Beige? Bah I say! :D ;)
#Post#: 39615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Hmmm Date: October 1, 2019, 10:06 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1350.msg39612#msg39612
date=1569940723]
^ Yes, I understand weddings are more bride focused and brides
do most of the planning. However, the MOG is still watching her
son (maybe only son) get married and shouldn't have to fade into
the background or wait until the MOB picks her dress. The hosts
informing the groom's family of the level of formality should be
enough.
Beige? Bah I say! :D ;)
[/quote]
No one is saying that she should fade into the background. Your
question was around why the MOB picks first. Providing an
example of what she planned to wear was seen as helpful to the
MOG, not trying to put her as a lesser position. I'm sure there
were MOG's who chose to view what was supposed to be a helpful
and kind gesture as downplaying their position.
But back in the days when the bride's family was mostly paying
for the wedding, no the MOG did not get an equal say in the
planning. So trying to advice was overstepping. They were an
honored guest at the event, but still a guest just like the
grandmothers and grandfathers.
#Post#: 39617--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: whiterose Date: October 1, 2019, 10:08 am
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My brother got married in a Catholic ceremony at a Catholic
church. My mother wore a blue dress with a black jacket.
I had not heard about that rule before.
#Post#: 39620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Titanica Date: October 1, 2019, 10:22 am
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Just to be clear, I'm pretty sure that my MIL's "MOB wears pink,
MOG wears blue unless MOB wears blue, then MOG wears pink" is or
ever was any kind of actual rule or custom or tradition, and I
have no idea where she got it from. She may have seen it done
that way somewhere and assumed it was the rule. I had never
heard of it before or since.
As I said, the "rule" at the time was just that the mothers
should complement the bridal party. My mother did so, as it
happened, and my MIL did not - but I really didn't care. Her
dress was lovely, she thought she was following the "rule," so
as far as I was concerned, it was a win.
I only wish that her dress not matching was the worst thing that
happened that day.
#Post#: 39621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: TootsNYC Date: October 1, 2019, 10:25 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1350.msg39564#msg39564
date=1569877883]
I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the
reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along
with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."
[/quote]
Traditionally speaking, she's the hostess. She's doing all the
heavy lifting in terms of planning, etc. (Traditionally
speaking, remember.)
And if the two high-profile women, who are going to be
memorialized in photos, are going to both contrast and
coordinate their outfits, so that one of them isn't in sequins
and the other in a less glittery outfit, or one of them is in a
hat and the other not, and then one of them feels overdressed or
underdressed, which is uncomfortable--well, SOMEone has to go
first.
And so the hostess does, because she also sets the tone for the
party itself. How formal? There ARE shades of formality in
women's dress.
By sharing info about her choice, she allows the other matriarch
to choose clothing that is in a simlar vein, so she doesn't feel
she's overdone it or underdone it.
She can also provide info to any family members on her side
who are saying, "Are sequins too much?"
So, picking her dress first is not necessarily a prize; it might
be a responsibility.
Just as the MOB's entrance is not actually a gesture of
honor--she is the last to sit down due to her responsibilities
as hostess. She's been working up to that point, and no good
hostess sits down and takes her leisure until her guests are
situated.
#Post#: 39622--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: TootsNYC Date: October 1, 2019, 10:28 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=1350.msg39600#msg39600
date=1569931068]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1350.msg39547#msg39547
date=1569864458]
Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for
MOB/MOG attire.
I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist
before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.
[/quote]
And when money was tighter!
My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my)
grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best
Sunday hats [for the ladies]. I think other than my aunt who
was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".
That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare
money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal
grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early
afternoon to go on their honeymoon.
[/quote]
My grandmother wore her expensive wedding dress for years after.
She had apparently scandalized the family by spending so much
money on it. But part of why she did is that it became her go-to
dress for teachers' wives luncheons, attending other people's
weddings (even though her dress was white; it apparently wasn't
a big deal), etc.
#Post#: 39629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rules for MOB and MOG wear
By: Thitpualso Date: October 1, 2019, 12:59 pm
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I think the tradition of the MOB wearing blue arose because blue
is a practical color for a dressy outfit. I doubt if there’s
any ‘rule’ for Catholic Weddings but blue does seem to turn up
more than pure chance would suggest.
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