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#Post#: 39199--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: Sara Crewe Date: September 24, 2019, 11:21 am
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I think this is cultural. I’m in the U.K. and would never wear
black to a wedding unless I had been specifically told to do so
by the bride as until recently it would be incredibly rude (and
suggest the wearer though funereal clothes were suitable). The
explanation I have heard for no black at weddings is that back
in the day there were strict requirements for mourning and
unrelieved black meant a woman had recently lost a close family
member. I read an old etiquette book that forbade black and
said in explanation that no bride wanted to be reminded of the
risk of being widowed on her wedding day.
Of course, these days I’m sure there are weddings where black is
worn as the old rules are fading. The rule may also have
existed partly because, as was recently discussed on another
thread, until recently U.K. weddings had to be held early and
black clothes are possibly less common in the morning.
#Post#: 39202--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: NFPwife Date: September 24, 2019, 11:41 am
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I like Sara Crewe's phrase "unrelieved black." I'm in a similar
part of the US, you can definitely wear black, just, to build on
the phrase, "relieve" it a bit. Other posters mentioned color, I
think you can also offer relief with glitz or sparkle - a
statement necklace or earrings.
#Post#: 39209--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: Gellchom Date: September 24, 2019, 1:05 pm
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US here
I go to lots of weddings, and many, many women wear black. It's
the most common color, in fact, and not at all always
accessorized with color. And it looks just fine.
Now, I'm talking about evening weddings. During the day, you
would see much less black.
Because the point of the "rule," to the extent there is one, is
simply not to look like you are going to a funeral, or like the
evil fairy come to curse the marriage. A black party dress with
party shoes, bag, and jewelry doesn't look at all like either.
During the day, a solid black suit or dress or pants outfit
might; I'd choose something else or add colored accessories.
Maybe that's why it's different in the UK, where, I believe I
have read here, wedding ceremonies must take place during the
day. UK readers: if there is a separate party at night, do
women wear black then?
As far as not wearing the same color as the attendants, some
people do seem to care about that, but there is no etiquette
rule about it. I can't imagine it's even an issue other than
possibly for the bride's female contemporaries who don't want to
look like they are bridesmaid wannabes. Most guests aren't even
going to have any idea (or have even thought about, let alone
cared) what the attendants' colors are anyway before they get
there.
As for mothers -- rules are really meaningless here! The
bride's vision is what matters, so try to wear whatever the
bride asks you to, rules or no rules. At my son's wedding, the
bride asked her mother and me not to wear black, and she
preferred we find something in green, which is what her
attendants wore. I found a green dress (different shade from
the attendants); her mom didn't and wore a taupe color that
harmonized nicely. My daughter didn't care what color anyone,
including the attendants wore, except for white, and I wore a
black dress with magenta accents. So there you are -- one
wedding wearing the same color as the attendants, and one
wearing black!
#Post#: 39211--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: sunseenli Date: September 24, 2019, 1:17 pm
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I've been to evening weddings in New York City where I was the
only one who *wasn't* wearing black. As long as it's dressy
you're fine.
#Post#: 39215--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: TaurusGirl Date: September 24, 2019, 2:45 pm
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[quote author=silversurfer link=topic=1344.msg39174#msg39174
date=1569309987]
So.…. I bought one black dress about 6 or so years ago and have
worn it to at least 5 weddings, summer, winter, autumn and
spring in Australia.
I've never felt the need to accessorise it with anything
colourful and I was certainly not the only one in black at any
of the weddings I attended.
Go forth and wear black - I say!
[/quote]
Ack! Silversurfer I'm sorry, I hit dislike in error and I
somehow went past the screen where I can edit it.
I actually agree 100% - black is my default fancy-dress, and
I've worn it to multiple weddings and parties through the years!
#Post#: 39226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2019, 5:18 pm
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It has been acceptable at every single wedding I have ever been
at. And there is no rule in any official etiquette book that
says it is wrong.
Look festive; be happy. Wear sparkly earrings, red lipstick,
fancy shoes, and a big smile.
#Post#: 39227--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2019, 5:19 pm
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[quote author=Runningstar link=topic=1344.msg39178#msg39178
date=1569324689]
I have seen a lot of black worn at weddings (USA). The "new"
rule is that the neither the mother of the bride nor the mother
of the groom are to wear solid black. That most likely isn't
even true anymore.
[/quote]
I have seen at least 2 MOB/MOGs in all black. Of course, they
had sequins and beads.....
I don't know how someone can look like they're in mourning in
any of the dresses I see in our stores.
#Post#: 39228--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2019, 5:22 pm
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[quote author=Sara Crewe link=topic=1344.msg39199#msg39199
date=1569342060]
I think this is cultural. I’m in the U.K. and would never wear
black to a wedding unless I had been specifically told to do so
by the bride as until recently it would be incredibly rude (and
suggest the wearer though funereal clothes were suitable). The
explanation I have heard for no black at weddings is that back
in the day there were strict requirements for mourning and
unrelieved black meant a woman had recently lost a close family
member. I read an old etiquette book that forbade black and
said in explanation that no bride wanted to be reminded of the
risk of being widowed on her wedding day.
Of course, these days I’m sure there are weddings where black is
worn as the old rules are fading. The rule may also have
existed partly because, as was recently discussed on another
thread, until recently U.K. weddings had to be held early and
black clothes are possibly less common in the morning.
[/quote]
My impression is that the clothing styles I see women wear at
the English weddings (on TV) are actually the same cut and
fabric type that I would expect someone to wear to a funeral.
They're slightly formal day dresses.
In America, the cut of the dresses and the fabric they're made
of are obviously dressy. (some are revealing and sparkly; others
are floaty and frilly; others are tailored with pleats, etc.,
that are not really daywear.) And they wouldn't be that
appropriate at a funeral; too frivolous.
#Post#: 39229--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 24, 2019, 5:25 pm
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As for avoiding the bridesmaid color: Most guests don't have any
idea what the bridesmaids are wearing!
#Post#: 39237--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ever OK to wear black to a wedding?
By: nuku Date: September 24, 2019, 6:20 pm
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I've seen plenty of black at weddings in the Midwestern US.
However, I can't bring myself to do it (and I love black and
wear it often). The closest I have is a dress that has a black
background and big splashes of floral pattern - I wear a
matching wrap with it. Otherwise, the guests look too funereal.
And it is traditionally an insult to the couple to wear black to
a wedding. So, I guess just do what you feel comfortable with
and what is acceptable in your area.
I wouldn't wear all white to any wedding, not even my own - I
look terrible in white! ;)
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