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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 38948--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: Luci
Date: September 19, 2019, 10:08 pm
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Don’t lie and don’t be brutal.
I would say that is not quite the art I had in mind. I would
suggest donating it to the hospital and getting your own, gently
and thanking him profusely.
I feel the same way as the previous poster that I don’t want it
shoved in my face, and I don’t want to tell the world all my
health problems.
#Post#: 38950--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: peony
Date: September 19, 2019, 10:12 pm
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Is it possible to give some reason to your husband about not
having it in the office, take it home, and then just keep
"forgetting" to hang it up at home?
#Post#: 38966--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: Runningstar
Date: September 20, 2019, 7:12 am
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I would gently inform him that you did not like it, but loved
the thought. Otherwise you might get one for every holiday.
#Post#: 38967--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: chigger
Date: September 20, 2019, 7:34 am
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Yeah, I think you need to be truthful. I know you hate to hurt
his feelings, but you need to come clean.
#Post#: 38968--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: September 20, 2019, 8:30 am
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As someone previously mentioned, I think this sort of art not
only missed the mark with your personal taste, but also because
I would find it strange to put my health issues on the wall at
work. I imagine that some workplaces would be fine with this
(mine would), but it would be a professional line that I
wouldn't want to cross.
BeagleMommy, you have always been a kind and thoughtful poster,
so I imagine BeagleDaddy being the same kind of person. I would
sit him down and thoughtfully explain that you adore the
sentiment, but that the art is not right for XYZ reasons. I am
sure that he will be disappointed that he missed the mark, but I
imagine that he will be very understanding!
If you truly cannot bare to do this, is it possible to only hang
the painting for his visits? After some time, I would then just
not rehang it and see if he even notices that it's missing.
My mom is going through chemo right now (not breast cancer) and
recently an old friend found me on Facebook and with everyone's
blessing, I shared mom's cell phone number with this friend.
(Mom doesn't do Facebook.) Mom told me that they chatted a bit,
but that she never shared her cancer situation. That she was
sick of people always asking how's she doing and only wanting to
talk about her treatment. And while she understands why people
ask, she appreciated that her talk with this friend didn't have
to be about her health. I think that it is completely
understandable that some people don't want to get pink ribbon
crazy (as I understand why others feel quite supported by such
things). It's your treatment and you get to decide how to
proceed. If that means no painting, then I would not feel bad
about not hanging it. My gut tells me BeagleDaddy will
understand.
#Post#: 38996--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 20, 2019, 12:07 pm
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--- Quote from: pierrotlunaire0 link ---
>
> As a breast cancer survivor, this artwork would bother me for
2 basic reasons.
>
> 1. I'm sorry, but it is so not my taste. I don't like pink, or
uplifting posters. For someone who likes that kind of thing, it
may be wonderful, but to me it sounds hideous (although I would
never say that to the person who gave it to me or to the person
who made it).
>
> 2. As I mentioned in the thread about the cancer support
group, I did not do that kind of thing. I have no problem openly
talking about my cancer, but I do not want to surround myself
with things that remind me (no pink awareness pins or T shirts,
no walk for the cure). I want to scream, "I had cancer, but that
is not who I am!" It's a weird, fine point, but that is me. If I
were to receive this, I might come home from work in tears,
saying, "I just can't look at this every day. I just can't, and
I know you meant this out of love. But I can't."
>
--- End Quote ---
Right--it's not a hobby; you're not collecting things related to
it.
#Post#: 38998--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 20, 2019, 12:10 pm
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--- Quote from: Runningstar link ---
>
> I would gently inform him that you did not like it, but loved
the thought. Otherwise you might get one for every holiday.
>
--- End Quote ---
This is my philosophy about any gift that misses the mark:
If I think this person might give me a gift for any other
occasion (so, that limits this to closest friend and family), I
feel an obligation to find a way to let them know that it isn't
really something I'd like more of.
Because they want to please me, right? So while I need to be
gracious and grateful, I shouldn't lie.
I did finally say to my MIL, "It's so nice of you to think of
me, and I agree that this floral, gilded-edge platter is
pretty--but it is really not my taste. I can appreciate its
attractiveness, and I love that you bought it for me, but I
wouldn't be interested in receiving anything similar in the
future."
And then I said, "My taste tends to run to the modern and
geometrical, or stuff from Pottery Barn or sometimes Pier One.
If you ever needed ideas."
#Post#: 39012--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: September 20, 2019, 2:51 pm
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My mother went through chemo for a form of lymphoma from fall
2017 through early 2018. She is approaching her two year end of
treatment anniversary in about five months.
My husband has had two minor surgeries for skin cancer (two
types) and had additional surgery earlier this month for
metastatic skin cancer (not melanoma). He has an appointment
next week with the surgeon on the follow up for after surgery -
chemo and or radiation, we were told before the surgery. This
came up unexpectedly after the surgery earlier this year - as
the previous doctor thought that they'd gotten everything...
My mother and VorGuy are both introverts who really aren't
comfortable with a lot of attention from everyone around them,
so their condition has not been advertised by their clothing -
Mom had a very nice wig to keep her "chemo" under wraps, as it
were. VorGuy is still waiting for the appointment with his
current doctor to see what is going to happen - but he has not
wanted to advertise his condition to this point - this may
change...I'm waiting to see what happens myself.
But how open you want to be with every single person that you
have ever known or who will ever walk into your office is your
business. If you're not comfortable with a pink ribbon poster
in your office - it's your office. It's up to the most involved
person to decide how to deal with it. Not their spouse, parent,
or child - if the person is old enough to have a preference.
#Post#: 39033--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: September 21, 2019, 1:08 am
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I'd hang the "artwork" somewhere also (like on the door of the
toilet*) and get the artwork I wanted for my office.
I'd be kind, yet upfront to my DH about why hanging this picture
in my office wouldn't work for me.
*This isn't a sign of disrespect; it's quite common in Australia
to hang pictures in the toilet, or even things like diplomas!
#Post#: 39114--------------------------------------------------
Re: BeagleDaddy's Sweet Thought, But Bad Result
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: September 23, 2019, 11:30 am
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So last weekend I spoke to BeagleDaddy about the painting. He
actually asked if I really liked it because I hadn't told anyone
else about it. I told him I found the thought behind it to be
very sweet, but the painting itself wasn't my taste.
Turns out the woman who painted it volunteered to make something
and he felt he couldn't turn her down (he tends to do this when
someone offers). I recommended he ask me if I want something
rather than agreeing to have someone do a painting to be sure it
is something I want. She is also a cancer survivor and offered
to give him her used wigs for me to use (ew!). Thankfully, he
turned those down (I have two really nice wigs that look good on
me).
He suggested I give it to a cancer charity and I think that's
what I'll do.
Thanks for your help!
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