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#Post#: 38736--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: chigger Date: September 14, 2019, 6:21 pm
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I usually make pancakes or french toast, when I have a full
house! It's faster, and almost everyone likes it.
#Post#: 38747--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Aleko Date: September 15, 2019, 3:20 am
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And then there's porridge, which is my entire breakfast when I'm
on my own.
#Post#: 38758--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Shores Date: September 15, 2019, 8:56 am
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I would do the same thing, I’m just not interested in the drama
or dealing with people like this, best they stay away.
#Post#: 38760--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Hanna Date: September 15, 2019, 9:09 am
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It would be totally stressful to have someone that did this over
again. I would just feel so uncomfortable wondering what they
were going to be unhappy about this time.
She could have addressed the drain in the moment or as an aside.
Brother could have old brother the mattress was uncomfortable.
Either could have said “could we make eggs tomorrow for
breakfast?” after day one.
#Post#: 38765--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Hmmm Date: September 15, 2019, 12:15 pm
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[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1328.msg38712#msg38712
date=1568448418]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1328.msg38664#msg38664
date=1568389378]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1328.msg38620#msg38620
date=1568353654]
Yes what Becky did was dumb on her part but Mae is really
overreacting. Not that she doesn't have a right be upset because
I know I would be but banning them from ever staying at their
house again is excessive. Becky needs to apologize and never do
that again, and realize that most people aren't going to react
very well to that kind of critiquing. Like some other people
have said I would've mentioned the tub drain after I'd bathed
because that does seem like something they should know but Becky
should've never said a thing about anything else. I do think
they can work things out but it'll take some time for them to
reconcile.
Ed.
[/quote]
i agree.
I think Mae is OK to send news of her offendedness back up the
chain, but to ban them is a bit of an overreaction.
I'm wondering if there was other stuff DURING the visit that was
annoying/offensive, and this was just the last straw.
[/quote]
I'd say banning them from ever visiting again is an EXTREME
overreaction but that's probably just me.
Ed.
[/quote]
I don't. Can you imagine what the next visit would be like? Host
and hostess would constantly be wondering what list of
complaints she was chalking up whether she cared to share them
or not. MIL would be concerned about what Becky or even her
insensitive son would come out with.
If Becky and her husband find the accommodations so lacking,
they can well stay in a hotel when visiting the mother and take
her out to dinner. I'd be sending Becky a helpful guide on how
to properly write a thank you and a list of nearby hotels....
preferably ones with very poor guet ratings. ;D
#Post#: 38767--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Kimberami Date: September 15, 2019, 1:02 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1328.msg38765#msg38765
date=1568567724]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1328.msg38712#msg38712
date=1568448418]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1328.msg38664#msg38664
date=1568389378]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1328.msg38620#msg38620
date=1568353654]
Yes what Becky did was dumb on her part but Mae is really
overreacting. Not that she doesn't have a right be upset because
I know I would be but banning them from ever staying at their
house again is excessive. Becky needs to apologize and never do
that again, and realize that most people aren't going to react
very well to that kind of critiquing. Like some other people
have said I would've mentioned the tub drain after I'd bathed
because that does seem like something they should know but Becky
should've never said a thing about anything else. I do think
they can work things out but it'll take some time for them to
reconcile.
Ed.
[/quote]
i agree.
I think Mae is OK to send news of her offendedness back up the
chain, but to ban them is a bit of an overreaction.
I'm wondering if there was other stuff DURING the visit that was
annoying/offensive, and this was just the last straw.
[/quote]
I'd say banning them from ever visiting again is an EXTREME
overreaction but that's probably just me.
Ed.
[/quote]
I don't. Can you imagine what the next visit would be like? Host
and hostess would constantly be wondering what list of
complaints she was chalking up whether she cared to share them
or not. MIL would be concerned about what Becky or even her
insensitive son would come out with.
If Becky and her husband find the accommodations so lacking,
they can well stay in a hotel when visiting the mother and take
her out to dinner. I'd be sending Becky a helpful guide on how
to properly write a thank you and a list of nearby hotels....
preferably ones with very poor guet ratings. ;D
[/quote]
An overreaction would be to never speak to them again or a full
scale vendetta. Disinviting them to spend the night in the
future is an appropriate reaction. If someone finds my
hospitality to be lacking, they do not have to worry about me
asking them to experience it again. Find a B&B, eat the
appropriate foods, and just plan to visit with me during the
trip.
#Post#: 38768--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: September 15, 2019, 1:52 pm
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I did wonder about the banning. There are several scenarios that
could count as a "banning."
Did Mae actually say, "You two will spend the night here over my
dead body!" Or, was her response a cold: "Fine. If this is your
attitude, you don't need to stay here again."
My sister and I were discussing this column, and her immediate
reaction was like the second one I mentioned above ("You don't
have to worry about staying here.")
I said that I don't know if I would actually come out and say
that Becky and spouse could not stay in my home, but there would
always be a good reason why they would not be able to stay here
this time. "Oh, dear, we're in the process of painting the
spare room. You will need to stay at the local hotel." Or "The
bed frame cracked when my cousin was here last week, and we
haven't been able to replace the bed yet." Passive on my part,
but I would not be able to host someone who would send me a
written critique afterwards.
#Post#: 38769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: gramma dishes Date: September 15, 2019, 3:14 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1328.msg38768#msg38768
date=1568573521]
...
I said that I don't know if I would actually come out and say
that Becky and spouse could not stay in my home, but there would
always be a good reason why they would not be able to stay here
this time. "Oh, dear, we're in the process of painting the
spare room. You will need to stay at the local hotel." Or "The
bed frame cracked when my cousin was here last week, and we
haven't been able to replace the bed yet." Passive on my part,
but I would not be able to host someone who would send me a
written critique afterwards.
[/quote]
I wouldn't give them any reasons at all. In fact the things
you name suggest that perhaps there were "deficiencies" as
evidenced by the cracked bed frame that became evident during
your imaginary visit from your cousin.
I'd be hard. No, we will not be inviting them to stay with us
again in the foreseeable future -- and I am gifted enough to be
able to see VERY far into the future. ;D
#Post#: 38773--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: chigger Date: September 15, 2019, 5:08 pm
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Becky was really rude and/or clueless! I think I would have
replied(to a SIL) "Oh, I wish you had let me know while you
where here, when we could have corrected things. We will
understand if you're not happy staying here again."
#Post#: 38777--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: NFPwife Date: September 15, 2019, 6:40 pm
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[quote author=chigger link=topic=1328.msg38773#msg38773
date=1568585283]
Becky was really rude and/or clueless! I think I would have
replied(to a SIL) "Oh, I wish you had let me know while you
where here, when we could have corrected things. We will
understand if you're not happy staying here again."
[/quote]
Oh, that's slick! Make it that you're not up to her standards
and you understand if she can't stay with you, with the "don't
ask again" undercurrent, so smooth!
Once you (general) agree to be hosted you're a guest, not a
customer. If you want a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to the
Hampton Inn.
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